Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years almost broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did everyone else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML
Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML
Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
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Top comments
jizzwold 21
You cheated on your boyfriend with a potato?
wantmeasandwich 26
Not just any potato. An old, wrinkly one. Shame! I hope you can talk your way out of this one, OP.
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Comments (217)
Kallian_fml 21
Old, wrinkly potato? Do you mean your boyfriend or the baby?
Zarcissa 34
I spit my juice all over the laptop after reading this. Thankfully I have a spill-resistant keyboard. I hope your BF wasn't being serious. If he was I hope the baby at least won't be as... "smart"... as his father.
uoeno_fml 20
I need one of those keyboards...
junkman6 22
Lets just hope he didn't get dads brains. Kid will be in serious trouble if he did.
DocBastard 40
When my daughter was born, she was so blue and wrinkly that I was convinced my wife had cheated on me with Papa Smurf.
Welshite 40
Were you green with envy when you saw your daughter's beard?
SMHsohard 22
I've always thought that most newborns look like a cross between ET and Charlie Brown.
PlayingKoi 0
OP, your boyfriend is stupid. My baby girl didn't look like either me or my husband until she was about 6 mos. old. And her eye color changed from blue to brown around 3 mos. Congratulations on the new baby, and I hope the the idiot comes around eventually!
nooopeee 6
Love the way you compared it
Bloink 25
Tell him to research facts about newborn babies
Neesalun 20
What an idiot! That's so hurtful. I hope he comes to his senses and realized his stupidity.
nooneherer 5
so then what dose potato penis look like?
every1luvsboners 11
A dick-tater?
d4m4s74 12
Keep a potato well past it's expiration date and you'll know. It's short and white.
RedPillSucks 33
Tell him to pay for a paternity test or STFU and wait like a normal adult.
MirandaShaee 6
I bet Mrs. Potato head is pissed
nooneherer 5
swingers?