Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years almost broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did everyone else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML
Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML
Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
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Top comments
jizzwold 21
You cheated on your boyfriend with a potato?
wantmeasandwich 26
Not just any potato. An old, wrinkly one. Shame! I hope you can talk your way out of this one, OP.
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Comments (217)
annie_nk 23
40s comment is also an example of Rule 34 ;)
make_some_cake 5
So you ****** an old wrinkly potato.-.
GwennaRose 22
More likely to scar everyone who watched Veggie Tales as a child for life
CrazyMelvin 14
That's insensitive to compare your baby to a wrinkly old potato. I'm glad you're not my mom,
monnanon 14
its not insensitive. do yoy think the baby gives a shit? they are too preocuppied with guzzling milk sleeping and making those wierd baby noises to care.
ilovefall10 21
Kinda mean to compare your own baby to a old wrinkley potato. Just saying.
katina1236 20
I'm sorry but WOW what breed of idiot is he?
Norris_FTW_77 9
So then the baby DOES have his features. I just currently looks like his balls. Which he clearly lost if he's accusing you of cheating when he should be adoring your newborn.
Valeyard 6
Your boyfriend is an idiot
snowdreak 12
Shouldn't have gotten pregnant by a deadbeat.
VeylonaBloodsea 6
Sounds like you picked a winner. This relationship is totally not doomed in any way...