Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years almost broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did everyone else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML
Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML
Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
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Top comments
jizzwold 21
You cheated on your boyfriend with a potato?
wantmeasandwich 26
Not just any potato. An old, wrinkly one. Shame! I hope you can talk your way out of this one, OP.
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Comments (217)
MyNameIsNot 15
what a potato head! congrats on the baby though OP let us know what you name it :)
perdix 31
If your boyfriend really cared about this whole child-rearing enterprise, he'd be your husband.
empbob 20
Having a baby is not always a good reason to get married
Enslaved 38
What if he can't marry her because he's too busy taking his wife out for her birthday dinner? :P
perdix 31
#50, having a baby without being married is almost always a terrible idea. #51, the three ought to be dining together planning their polygamous colony. I hope this idea is more popular today than it was yesterday.
Chumsword 8
I dont know perdix... You can be commited to someone without a state paper to back it up. My lady and I are not "married" in the legal sense. We had a beautiful baby girl last year and I never once thought she wasn't my daughter, little girl had me wrapped from day one. This idiot will hopefully see the error in judgement one day as long as OP hasen't given him a reason to think otherwise.. If not, he needs to man up and take care of that potato.
perdix 31
#82, sounds good in theory, but once you hit a rough patch with your old lady, you can take off like a free bird. That "piece of paper" gives the state the right to disembowel you in case you try to run out. Marriage is more for children than anything else.
imagineapc 11
92, so what about those of us who want to get married but do not want to have children? In my experience - not personal, but immediate family - getting married ONLY because you're having a baby leads to more heartache later on.
queerdragon 20
You do not need to be married to be committed to another human being. I know gay couples who have been together 30 years and only just got the right to marry their partners. I know married people who have lasted a year because they rushed into something they did not respect. As long as the couple (married or not) takes the right legal channels to make sure their children/partners are taken care of, there is no need to have a piece of paper saying you're married.
perdix 31
#127, it's a bonanza for the spouse with the lower income and a screwing for the spouse with the higher income.
perdix 31
#131, "legal channels" are pieces of paper that are expensive and difficult to get. Marriage is a cheap and easy way to give children a better chance of having a two-parent home. It's not a guarantee, but divorce is enough disincentive for many people to stay together unless it's unbearable. This society runs on "pieces of paper." Diplomas, deeds, titles, contracts, currency, IDs, the Constitution, etc. are all just pieces of paper we all need to get through life. Just because gay people have been unfairly discriminated against in the past (and even mostly today in most states), doesn't diminish the importance of marriage for men and women.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
my boyfriend and I have a baby and we are perfectly content not being married yet. Marriage because of a baby isn't always the best choice...
perdix 31
#140, yes, it is. If he leaves, it will be much harder to get him to support his child. He's ******* you over by not making it official, and counting on your naive optimism.
RedX1000FML 11
I sware there's more than one person on Perdix's account.....
Gho5tk3y 17
Mr. Potato head strikes again.
perdix 31
The moral of the story: Just because you're old and wrinkly doesn't mean you can't still be a Hot Potato!
The_9th_Doctor 18
your bf is an idiot. just saying.
steeledwolf 8
Oh my God #40. Why would you say that?!
MrBoredomioo 18
Lol that sucks
jw90 18
To piss you off 49
imagineapc 11
Finally! Someone who admits their baby looks like a potato! All newborns look like potatoes, but everyone seems to think they have the cutest baby ever. No. You have a crying potato.
kayteakay 26
My sons looked more like really, really, old aliens.
imagineapc 11
Baaaahahaha yesssss.
rlTlk 13
Some babies do come out looking super cute, not all are discolored wrinkly shriveled looking things but a lot yes.. Think it's a lot more premie look tho to be like that. I think naked mole rat is more accurate tho. I've never been able to connect the potato to newborn imagery people often use.
imagineapc 11
I have never in my life seen cute newborn. Their heads are cone shaped, they are splotchy, possibly blue, and barely passable as human. I haaaaate people whose first instinct is to put their still bloody newborn pic on Facebook. no, my child will not be an exception because I am never having one. Ew
monnanon 14
my son looked like a baby but with a cone head. he was early and have none of thr baby fat rolls and wrinkly skin that newborna usually have he still kind of looked like an old man.
Korra_fml 23
wow, if he's really that stupid, is he the kind of guy u want raising ur kid??? maybe u oughta break up with him... then get a paternity test, and when that comes back a positive match take him for child support.