Work and School: Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest,...

By Anonymous

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

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3886

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Work

School

Understandable

Commando

Let's go girls!

By caleighrossi - United States - Ottumwa

Leave it

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48538

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5364

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By stood-up - United States

Where are you? Oh, there you are

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38566

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4957

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By dirty deeds - 31/5/2020 14:00

Still better than the Cats movie

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1366

You deserved it

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By TheMike23 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20830

You deserved it

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By Doy - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what I was going to do over the Christmas holidays since he was going to be out of the country. He suggested that I work out and do some sit-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27450

You deserved it

8524

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By disappointed - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34159

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40870

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

I agree, your life sucks

15427

You deserved it

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By ripfluffy - United States

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74485

You deserved it

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By -__-" - United States - Vancouver

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48463

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45400

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Vallejo

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36438

You deserved it

4655

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By ifeeldirty - United States

Parental advice

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37939

You deserved it

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By kal - United Kingdom

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34604

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41196

You deserved it

4579

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By kennyjhynes - United States

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44858

You deserved it

5270

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By Penguinsuit

Today, I threw my clothes in the laundry and had only penguin pajamas to wear. My mother forgot to mention that she was expecting a handyman. Guess who got greeted by an adult woman in a penguin suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4071

You deserved it

826

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By CrazzY88s - Ireland

Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15934

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32383

You deserved it

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By Malarky - United States

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

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15095

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By Anonymous - Maldives - Male

Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother was named after his father. His name is Kevin. My dad's name is Michael. FML

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27508

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By unloved - United Kingdom

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

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32946

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2736

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By fuckit - United States

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

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29172

You deserved it

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By newdad - United States

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33690

You deserved it

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By anonymous - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27154

You deserved it

2194

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By frenchgirl - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41578

You deserved it

6779

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By Dang - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in class with a water bottle on my desk. I was on my phone not paying attention, when some girl knocked it over by accident. I went to grab it, even though it was in the corner of my eye. I caught the bottle of water but I also happened to grab her ass at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6332

You deserved it

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By sadie - 13/3/2021 23:01

They're all eggheads to me

Today, my daughter once again called my boyfriend by the name of an ex-boyfriend. She always does this and she claims it’s because they’re all bald. Can she not remember their very distinct faces? FML

I agree, your life sucks

607

You deserved it

368

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By Hannah - Australia - Caulfield North

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67109

You deserved it

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By Random - United States - Tuskegee

Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19165

You deserved it

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By nikko blue - United States

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11424

You deserved it

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By hairdresser - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49587

You deserved it

5188

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By bubba - China

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58073

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Stuck in the past

Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1306

You deserved it

374

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By why - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43387

You deserved it

37646

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By yogabbagabba - United States

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20162

You deserved it

38676

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By Bjax

Shame on you!

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3618

You deserved it

373

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By THANKS4theINFO - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13905

You deserved it

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By anon

Today, I had RA training and we were doing mock situations. During one of these, I had a seizure. Everyone thought it was fake, until I started violently throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24242

You deserved it

1441

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By Anonymous - Australia - Greensborough

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39527

You deserved it

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Top comments

By Leeono | 26

#7632317 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 10:51

Quality over quantity?

By ChromoTec | 24

#7632484 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 18:25

Can you follow up and tell us what your essay was and what the three sentences were?

COMMENTS

By interesting33 | 36

#7632235 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 6:46

Please tell us what they were!

jbowww16 | 10

#7638643 - Thursday 24 May 2018 19:50

;)

By Leeono | 26

#7632317 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 10:51

Quality over quantity?

user53658 | 15

#7632320 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 11:02

Or just lazy judges...

interesting33 | 36

#7632700 - Thursday 10 May 2018 9:54

It's not the length, it's how you use it.

By ChromoTec | 24

#7632484 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 18:25

Can you follow up and tell us what your essay was and what the three sentences were?

By Symphoniaes | 32

#7638642 - Thursday 24 May 2018 19:48

The three sentences were: “Hello, esteemed judge. I have your family. Give me first place, or else.”

By jkjorn | 15

#7638661 - Thursday 24 May 2018 20:13

I'm at a loss for words.

By 1known | 29

#7638694 - Thursday 24 May 2018 21:16

They were very long sentences.

By pjsr | 32

#7638708 - Thursday 24 May 2018 22:02

That sucks
That sucks
That sucks

By RichardPencil | 30

#7638718 - Thursday 24 May 2018 22:32

Word count is quite low.
The rules state the number in
A haiku contest.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7638723 - Thursday 24 May 2018 22:48

Short and precise is the key to winning. Saying more won't make it any better than it needs to be.

By DanaeZee | 18

#7638748 - Friday 25 May 2018 0:21

So I guess the winner would have written this FML in three words with a lot more f to the ml