Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty... - FML

By blueheron93 - 13/11/2010 14:25 - Germany

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34032

You deserved it

3053

Tweet

Share

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Billy no-mates

Clocked

By Anonymous - 28/11/2014 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36217

You deserved it

4627

Tweet

Share

By welp, time to become an assassin - 23/6/2013 18:14 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48199

You deserved it

4643

Tweet

Share

By Damn - 5/6/2012 19:36 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I was trying to take my shirt off. It was an awkward fit, so I had to basically wrestle it for five minutes. The kicker was that I was giving my boyfriend a striptease. He laughed so hard and for so long that we never had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28437

You deserved it

7885

Tweet

Share

By Marie - 8/6/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54304

You deserved it

4764

Tweet

Share

By liz - 21/6/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44098

You deserved it

15129

Tweet

Share

By neckcrack - 7/9/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19104

You deserved it

23957

Tweet

Share

By Dogs loose - 2/3/2010 12:17 - France

Today, I found out that there's nothing like having to chase a 100-something lb. Bloodhound around the neighborhood when you're 8 months pregnant, with a 3 and 4 year old in tow. Especially when she runs the other way at the sight of you coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30851

You deserved it

4337

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 24/6/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80640

You deserved it

3688

Tweet

Share

By Tyr88 - 5/3/2017 02:00 - Australia - Blakehurst

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4462

You deserved it

1539

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 29/3/2016 22:50 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19005

You deserved it

1557

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/2/2012 17:45

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27895

You deserved it

2195

Tweet

Share

By burn - 1/8/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34860

You deserved it

3471

Tweet

Share

By Job Seeking - 22/1/2013 11:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35027

You deserved it

2985

Tweet

Share

By I-love-my-tea - 9/6/2015 22:30 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26947

You deserved it

1984

Tweet

Share

By walkingdead_1029 - 6/5/2013 06:49 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68653

You deserved it

6435

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 02:00

Deception

Today, I found out my roommate has been cheating me out of hundreds of dollars when I finally obtained records of the past year's electric bills, which are in her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1659

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

By mandosfriend - 23/10/2016 17:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11075

You deserved it

666

Tweet

Share

By shorty - 11/4/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40606

You deserved it

4832

Tweet

Share

By fredfredburger - 25/6/2014 17:45 - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52324

You deserved it

13769

Tweet

Share

By spitt - 13/5/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28344

You deserved it

2345

Tweet

Share

By LucyLollipop - 3/1/2018 15:00

Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3732

You deserved it

681

Tweet

Share

By - 7/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3694

You deserved it

340

Tweet

Share

By sdd - 23/1/2013 15:44 - Switzerland - Lotzwil

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29144

You deserved it

6702

Tweet

Share

By - 6/11/2019 18:00

Touched for the very first time

Today, I went to a new doctor. She asked me how long I had been sexually active. I said I'm not. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2200

You deserved it

323

Tweet

Share

By manksy - 1/1/2010 22:07 - United Kingdom

Today, when I was unpacking all of my stuff, my parents declared that they are going to live in Australia, and have found me a 'friend'. I am a 14 year old girl at boarding school, and my friend is my new foster mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50858

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By romea244 - 14/8/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14613

You deserved it

26938

Tweet

Share

By unwanted daughter - 2/7/2014 15:54 - Canada - Oliver

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55039

You deserved it

5817

Tweet

Share

By Killmenow - 30/8/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2765

You deserved it

200

Tweet

Share

By PollingLow - 10/5/2012 15:45 - United States - Decatur

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32593

You deserved it

2350

Tweet

Share

By sober - 10/7/2012 03:40 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32903

You deserved it

3391

Tweet

Share

By BiteMe - 30/8/2016 23:29 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16165

You deserved it

1164

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/7/2012 16:41 - United States - Aurora

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25200

You deserved it

1983

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/1/2017 14:06

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6673

You deserved it

1584

Tweet

Share

By Annoyed - 11/5/2016 01:23 - United States - Panama City Beach

Today, one of my students stole my wallet. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14326

You deserved it

1194

Tweet

Share

By deliveryboy - 5/3/2011 15:46 - China

Today, I was told that I was an idiot by a little girl because I didn't deliver a pizza to her house fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29621

You deserved it

8824

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 17:30 - United States

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18623

You deserved it

50314

Tweet

Share

By great - 25/1/2013 20:36 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39617

You deserved it

6514

Tweet

Share

By sickness_sucks - 15/6/2012 06:19 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31937

You deserved it

17067

Tweet

Share

By Rubyscooby212 - 15/2/2015 04:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35236

You deserved it

3689

Tweet

Share

By aherdofpigs - 2/9/2013 19:22 - United States

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49992

You deserved it

21019

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Fortuitous | 0

#1695482 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:53

Family is the best because they always tell the truth.

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1696006 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:05

Mm that's some sexy lungs, babe. Girl, I got an x Ray back at my place, you wanna see my 8 inch liver?

COMMENTS

By oreoreo | 0

#1695336 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:43

I can't stop laughing...
XD

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1695686 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:16

Op, don't feel bad. Hardly any boys call me pretty either...

:)

Reply

xFalzz | 0

#1695864 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:43

I find you pretty, 17. ;o

Reply

MasterE56 | 4

#1696486 - Saturday 13 November 2010 23:07

hahaha

Reply

flyersfan365 | 0

#1696518 - Saturday 13 November 2010 23:16

don't worry ugly people make the world go round

Reply

jpest17 | 5

#1698014 - Sunday 14 November 2010 6:08

post picture let us decide.

Reply

FatMan23 | 10

#2598562 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 7:33

# 1, Du bist eine komplette Schwanz. (I'm not overly good with grammar, my German teacher hates me for it.) (And yes, I intentionally made it informal)

Reply

courtnoob | 0

#2834068 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 23:30

17 = WIN

By HentaiBunny | 4

#1695351 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:45

LOL fyl.

Reply

DarkPrince_fml | 0

#1695377 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:46

You got some nice tits

on topic I just favorited this fml

Reply

Asstastic4 | 0

#1695443 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:50

Rawr.

Reply

josev37 | 0

#1698285 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:07

2:tits=win. 'nuff said

Reply

iwuvwolfz | 0

#1699598 - Sunday 14 November 2010 10:07

lol I hope you at least know that hentai is anime porn...

By Morgansayshi | 0

#1695361 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:45

Harsh!

Reply

aaaahh | 0

#1695806 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:34

sharsh!

Reply

DaleksAreEpic | 0

#1698497 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:49

Marsh!

By hayyj | 0

#1695372 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:46

darn sister... lol

By b_anhero | 0

#1695427 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:49

you're pretty.

By Judus_beej | 0

#1695457 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:51

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. just
kidding your fugly.

Reply

funzcpl | 0

#1695633 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:12

oh wow! lol! that's awesome

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1695696 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:18

Your pretty when I'm drunk(;

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1695971 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:58

Beer holder.

Reply

SMD_emilyy | 1

#1696058 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:10

It's you're*

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1696083 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:12

Yeah yeah(:

Reply

Judus_beej | 0

#1697663 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:31

thanks for the correction. I have terrible
grammar.

Reply

C6Racer | 0

#1698413 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:34

Nice, SMD. Corrected two birds with one stone. Wait, how does that one go again?

By Fortuitous | 0

#1695482 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:53

Family is the best because they always tell the truth.

By mintcar | 9

#1695503 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:55

Aw, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you're beautiful.

Attempt #576465786

Reply

Judus_beej | 0

#1695518 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:57

why don't you tell her she's beautiful on the inside? like her intestines and lungs or something.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1696006 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:05

Mm that's some sexy lungs, babe. Girl, I got an x Ray back at my place, you wanna see my 8 inch liver?

Reply

jvstin360 | 0

#1696041 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:09

damn 29 your fucking funny :D

Reply

luvyah | 0

#1697536 - Sunday 14 November 2010 3:30

u never no...

Reply

mintcar | 9

#1697645 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:21

You guys are silly, haha.

Reply

C6Racer | 0

#1698423 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:37

Yea, 49, I always yes...

Reply

Biebz4Lyf10 | 0

#2495054 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 22:19

bahahahahaha 29 sooo fuking hilarious!!

By Randomlyscrm13 | 0

#1695513 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:56

Hahaha maybe its time u get out of the house and stop letting your lil bro hit on you

Reply

sectator | 0

#1697047 - Sunday 14 November 2010 1:40

Nice one

By woopsy | 0

#1695581 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:08

oh shut up! ur probably not as ugly as me. boys dont cant talk to me, nonetheless call me pretty.... im 19.but on the otherhand my little brother always tells the truth and he constantly reminds me of how unpretty i am.

Reply

my2centsworth | 15

#1697960 - Sunday 14 November 2010 5:51

You made me laugh.

Reply

may651 | 14

#3462166 - Thursday 20 October 2011 17:54

Honestly Everyone here is pretty to me. :)