Kids: Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty... - FML

By blueheron93 - Germany

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

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The smell detective is on the case

Serious times

Wrong place, wrong time

By Anonymous - Canada - Hagersville

Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML

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By "Mel Hahn"

Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML

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By kiki - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

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By Brandon - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife cancelled on our date we had planned for over a month. It would have been our first one-on-one date since the birth of our first child. Our child is over 13 months old. FML

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By Grossed out

Today, after giving a homeless guy some change, he offered to give me his bottle of cooking wine if I'd let him suck my toes. FML

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By xsnqw - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

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By family is bullshit - 6/6/2021 08:01

Choose your family

Today, I've been guilt tripped, ranted at, called names, ostracized and told what a horrible person I am for, "turning my back on family." My former brother is in jail for unspeakable crimes, yet somehow I’m the bad guy for not standing by and supporting him or offering to help pay for a lawyer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Puyallup

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

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By lovehurts - United States - Wayne

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

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By religiunatic - Canada - Keswick

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

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By amythest - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

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By blah blah daddy - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

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By nicole - United States

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

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By krray

Suspense

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

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By daniel55 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbia

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

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By sober - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

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By jina - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plano

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

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By screamo - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, I uploaded a video to YouTube. I have around 20k subscribers, so I'm not a huge deal. I used a "fail" sound effect. I just got an email from YouTube saying that I got a copyright strike. They told me that it was the 4-second sound effect. They copyrighted 4 seconds of my video. FML

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By missy - 1/6/2021 08:01

Hangry people

Today, my parents yelled at me for ordering too much fast food. The only reason I’m doing it is because there isn’t any food in the house. Not only that but I’m also trying to gain weight. FML

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By Jolabanane - France

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Unforgettable

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

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By oops - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

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By beeee - Australia

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. Up until now, I thought my cat was the only four year old I had to deal with. FML

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By bopbop - United States

Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML

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By pikachu_43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

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By Quin

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML

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By Anon

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I'm so sick, I'm even sick in my dreams. Orientation for my new job starts tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

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By Anonymous

Waste moment

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

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By mm - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

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By jill - United States

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

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Top comments

By Fortuitous | 0

#1695482 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:53

Family is the best because they always tell the truth.

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1696006 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:05

Mm that's some sexy lungs, babe. Girl, I got an x Ray back at my place, you wanna see my 8 inch liver?

COMMENTS

By oreoreo | 0

#1695336 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:43

I can't stop laughing...
XD

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1695686 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:16

Op, don't feel bad. Hardly any boys call me pretty either...

:)

Reply

xFalzz | 0

#1695864 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:43

I find you pretty, 17. ;o

Reply

MasterE56 | 4

#1696486 - Saturday 13 November 2010 23:07

hahaha

Reply

flyersfan365 | 0

#1696518 - Saturday 13 November 2010 23:16

don't worry ugly people make the world go round

Reply

jpest17 | 5

#1698014 - Sunday 14 November 2010 6:08

post picture let us decide.

Reply

FatMan23 | 10

#2598562 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 7:33

# 1, Du bist eine komplette Schwanz. (I'm not overly good with grammar, my German teacher hates me for it.) (And yes, I intentionally made it informal)

Reply

courtnoob | 0

#2834068 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 23:30

17 = WIN

By HentaiBunny | 4

#1695351 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:45

LOL fyl.

Reply

DarkPrince_fml | 0

#1695377 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:46

You got some nice tits

on topic I just favorited this fml

Reply

Asstastic4 | 0

#1695443 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:50

Rawr.

Reply

josev37 | 0

#1698285 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:07

2:tits=win. 'nuff said

Reply

iwuvwolfz | 0

#1699598 - Sunday 14 November 2010 10:07

lol I hope you at least know that hentai is anime porn...

By Morgansayshi | 0

#1695361 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:45

Harsh!

Reply

aaaahh | 0

#1695806 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:34

sharsh!

Reply

DaleksAreEpic | 0

#1698497 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:49

Marsh!

By hayyj | 0

#1695372 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:46

darn sister... lol

By b_anhero | 0

#1695427 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:49

you're pretty.

By Judus_beej | 0

#1695457 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:51

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. just
kidding your fugly.

Reply

funzcpl | 0

#1695633 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:12

oh wow! lol! that's awesome

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1695696 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:18

Your pretty when I'm drunk(;

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1695971 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:58

Beer holder.

Reply

SMD_emilyy | 1

#1696058 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:10

It's you're*

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1696083 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:12

Yeah yeah(:

Reply

Judus_beej | 0

#1697663 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:31

thanks for the correction. I have terrible
grammar.

Reply

C6Racer | 0

#1698413 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:34

Nice, SMD. Corrected two birds with one stone. Wait, how does that one go again?

By Fortuitous | 0

#1695482 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:53

Family is the best because they always tell the truth.

By mintcar | 9

#1695503 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:55

Aw, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you're beautiful.

Attempt #576465786

Reply

Judus_beej | 0

#1695518 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:57

why don't you tell her she's beautiful on the inside? like her intestines and lungs or something.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1696006 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:05

Mm that's some sexy lungs, babe. Girl, I got an x Ray back at my place, you wanna see my 8 inch liver?

Reply

jvstin360 | 0

#1696041 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:09

damn 29 your fucking funny :D

Reply

luvyah | 0

#1697536 - Sunday 14 November 2010 3:30

u never no...

Reply

mintcar | 9

#1697645 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:21

You guys are silly, haha.

Reply

C6Racer | 0

#1698423 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:37

Yea, 49, I always yes...

Reply

Biebz4Lyf10 | 0

#2495054 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 22:19

bahahahahaha 29 sooo fuking hilarious!!

By Randomlyscrm13 | 0

#1695513 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:56

Hahaha maybe its time u get out of the house and stop letting your lil bro hit on you

Reply

sectator | 0

#1697047 - Sunday 14 November 2010 1:40

Nice one

By woopsy | 0

#1695581 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:08

oh shut up! ur probably not as ugly as me. boys dont cant talk to me, nonetheless call me pretty.... im 19.but on the otherhand my little brother always tells the truth and he constantly reminds me of how unpretty i am.

Reply

my2centsworth | 15

#1697960 - Sunday 14 November 2010 5:51

You made me laugh.

Reply

may651 | 14

#3462166 - Thursday 20 October 2011 17:54

Honestly Everyone here is pretty to me. :)