Transportation: Today, I received a notice that I'm being fined for failure to... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 1

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 122

13/11/2018 15:30

Today, I received a notice that I'm being fined for failure to renew my Florida license. I've lived in Maryland for the last seven years and I've never had a Florida license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 158

Late term

Stop talking!

Shot from both sides

21/12/2010 16:18

Spicy

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 754

You deserved it 5 631

Oops...

By the other woman - 26/06/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 003

You deserved it 485

Family extension

By now what - 26/07/2020 05:01

Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 679

You deserved it 180

08/12/2015 06:17

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 297

You deserved it 3 853

11/01/2017 07:36

Today, I wasn't able to reply to Facebook chat message immediately, so my friends planned holiday and bought flights without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 751

You deserved it 858

18/10/2010 12:23

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 974

You deserved it 3 325

15/02/2012 14:18

Today, I wanted to freshen up my room, so I bought some Febreze. Standing on my bed, I began to spray, not noticing that the air vent directly across was turned on. The spray came directly back at me. The doctor says that the irritation in my eyes may last for several days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 041

You deserved it 25 108

12/03/2012 08:03

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 644

You deserved it 27 433

05/10/2009 17:28

Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/suprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 430

You deserved it 44 847

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 175

The cheek!

By Anonymous - 01/06/2014 16:36

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 908

You deserved it 5 278

14/06/2011 10:04

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 562

You deserved it 53 332

16/10/2009 18:22

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 101

You deserved it 3 865

This is fine

By TheywearintheDIRTYlaundrybasket! - 26/03/2019 22:00

Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 905

You deserved it 174

27/04/2014 22:08

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 611

You deserved it 8 685

06/02/2016 11:42

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 165

You deserved it 2 054

01/11/2009 00:22

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 052

You deserved it 3 160

12/07/2016 21:52

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 397

You deserved it 1 197

24/02/2017 03:00

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 060

You deserved it 2 241

Not now!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 05:01

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 305

You deserved it 3 818

Memories

By joanne - 29/05/2012 17:58

Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 105

You deserved it 1 993

20/07/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 449

You deserved it 332

10/03/2013 16:08

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 065

You deserved it 6 650

26/02/2009 23:28

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 505

You deserved it 78 099

20/12/2014 14:41

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 999

You deserved it 2 878

Taking pictures

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 14:00

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 159

You deserved it 447

05/04/2014 15:27

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 267

You deserved it 5 471

31/01/2012 20:36

Spicy

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 165

You deserved it 9 855

28/01/2011 05:24

Today, I came home to find a note on my door. I thought it was from my elderly disabled neighbors thanking me for cleaning off their snow covered car, since about 6 inches came down. It was from them, only it said I owed them for damages to their car. Damages that were already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 534

You deserved it 3 571

31/10/2018 13:30

Today, being the man of the house, I decided to work on the car. Long story short, there's a towel in my transmission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 2 175

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 143

17/06/2009 16:35

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 780

You deserved it 70 535

05/12/2017 19:00

Today, I fell asleep for 20 minutes during my first final in law school. I took a $70k loan to be here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 4 957

10/02/2015 12:59

Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 321

You deserved it 5 174

30/04/2016 01:08

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 539

You deserved it 2 510

23/04/2013 18:25

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 043

You deserved it 43 619

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 83

01/10/2010 13:06

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 378

You deserved it 6 053

21/01/2012 11:59

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 336

You deserved it 3 241

15/11/2013 20:30

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 571

You deserved it 3 329

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 15:42

Time to check for identity theft.

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Friday 26 October 2018 10:37

Since when has the DMV ever been competent at their jobs? Go down to the nearest office, and inform them face-to-face. Doing it on the phone, or online, will probably lead to them giving you the runaround.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Friday 26 October 2018 10:37

Since when has the DMV ever been competent at their jobs? Go down to the nearest office, and inform them face-to-face. Doing it on the phone, or online, will probably lead to them giving you the runaround.

XUDT72 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 16:51

Yeah, go down to the nearest Florida DMV office...

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 17:41

He said the nearest office, which is any DMV office located in OP's area....

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 17:55

I went to the dmv to fix a mistake and they told me to go home and do it by mail

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 23:55

The Maryland DMV can’t do anything for the Florida notice.

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 15:42

Time to check for identity theft.

Phillycheeze 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 17:02

I agree. look into identity theft. This is also a scam.

tommy 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 15:56

Sounds like it has to do with DEMOCRATS and voter fraud to me!!!

raven_of_azarath 34

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 16:33

How can you be fined for not renewing? What if you had lived there and moved? Would they fine you for moving?

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 21:56

yes, happened to my brother..... because he didn't inform them he moved out of state. lots of fun

MrCT 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 16:38

The states can't force you to renew your license it's not something you have to have it's most likely a scam.....

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 November 2018 10:52

If you don’t have a license, you need to have a non driver’s ID.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 17:10

You should demand a recount. Florida bureaucrats will think that’s hilarious!

Razell 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 20:59

That's okay, I'm sure you've been voting in Florida for the last three elections anyway. Vote early, vote often! /sarc

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 November 2018 21:27

Uh. Since when do they fine you for not renewing your license? You're not legally required to keep a license, you just need one to drive with.

Send a private message

Friday 6 March 2020 20:23

Geez....they obviously had the wrong person. what the hell?