Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML
Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML
Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML
Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML
Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML
Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML
Today, I tried to look productive in a meeting by nodding along, only to realize too late that I was actually nodding off. When my head dropped forward, it made a loud thud on my desk, and everyone stopped talking at once. FML
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.
imustbeinsane 2
oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that
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Comments (112)
childoftheKING 3
WOW.......that gots to SUCKS!!!!!!!
jobsman99 0
were they nice ****? was she wearing a bra? bug nipples? we all want to know
IndiRae 9
I didn't know bugs had nipples
HomeAl0ne 20
Yeah 6 of them, three on each side. And that's just the males. The female bugs have spines on both their penises. I'd like to be a bug psychiatrist, they must rake it in....
drloves69 4
don't tell me you watched the hall pass before you went to the coffee shop
big_boi_rollin 0
Thats when you say "i was staring...i was admiring from afar"
big_boi_rollin 0
Wasnt
lokrar789 7
You shoul have said " oh sorry" and started staring at her vag
IndiRae 9
What the **** is this lady wearing that makes her naughty bits so gaze-able.
lokrar789 7
Im going to guess a tight bra and a string thong
HowVery 1
You should have told her the truth, "Hello...I'm in a coffee shop, I'm gay." She wasn't very smart to think there'd be a straight guy in a coffee shop and looking let alone to think she was even worth looking at.
betty66 3
Suure...more like zoning in! Perv *smack
paynee 0
Were not all perves you know, lol
blacky_2222 3
bullshit you zoned out OP
Stealthed 8
Yes we are, I'm sorry but if an attractive woman walks past I can't help but have a glance, it's in our nature. If you think it's not then it's safe to say you're a closet homosexual.