Intimacy: Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and...

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 227

You deserved it 7 198

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Same thing different taste

By Dying Son - 05/04/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 074

You deserved it 180

Trance

By carly rose - 26/05/2023 15:00

Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 173

It's not what you think

By lifedoessuck12 - 19/07/2009 14:13 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 893

You deserved it 11 764

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 522

By perverted teenage girl - 29/11/2016 21:51

Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 093

You deserved it 1 894

By OPforonepiece - 19/02/2016 14:38 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 093

You deserved it 2 819

By bitchimgay - 22/07/2012 16:48 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 114

You deserved it 2 333

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 363

You deserved it 34 841

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 781

You deserved it 605

Child labor

By great parenting pal - 11/08/2020 02:01

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 290

You deserved it 231

Iamnotmyself 17

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:08

Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.

imustbeinsane 2

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:13

oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that

Comments

childoftheKING 3

Thursday 11 August 2011 14:01

WOW.......that gots to SUCKS!!!!!!!

jobsman99 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 14:13

were they nice ****? was she wearing a bra? bug nipples? we all want to know

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:32

I didn't know bugs had nipples

HomeAl0ne 20

Friday 12 August 2011 0:12

Yeah 6 of them, three on each side. And that's just the males. The female bugs have spines on both their penises. I'd like to be a bug psychiatrist, they must rake it in....

drloves69 4

Thursday 11 August 2011 14:19

don't tell me you watched the hall pass before you went to the coffee shop

big_boi_rollin 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 14:19

Thats when you say "i was staring...i was admiring from afar"

big_boi_rollin 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 20:16

Wasnt

lokrar789 7

Thursday 11 August 2011 14:22

You shoul have said " oh sorry" and started staring at her vag

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:30

What the **** is this lady wearing that makes her naughty bits so gaze-able.

lokrar789 7

Thursday 11 August 2011 23:55

Im going to guess a tight bra and a string thong

HowVery 1

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:05

You should have told her the truth, "Hello...I'm in a coffee shop, I'm gay." She wasn't very smart to think there'd be a straight guy in a coffee shop and looking let alone to think she was even worth looking at.

betty66 3

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:37

Suure...more like zoning in! Perv *smack

paynee 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:38

Were not all perves you know, lol

blacky_2222 3

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:40

bullshit you zoned out OP

Stealthed 8

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:32

Yes we are, I'm sorry but if an attractive woman walks past I can't help but have a glance, it's in our nature. If you think it's not then it's safe to say you're a closet homosexual.