Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML
Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML
Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML
Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML
Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML
Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML
Today, I tried to look productive in a meeting by nodding along, only to realize too late that I was actually nodding off. When my head dropped forward, it made a loud thud on my desk, and everyone stopped talking at once. FML
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.
imustbeinsane 2
oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that
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Comments (112)
theonlysweetpea 10
Why'd she let you look? Bitch seems like she liked the attention but was mad when she realized you weren't actually seeing her. Attention *****.
Gook0123 9
Good idea lol
rick159 12
Why do women get the idea They can assault guys with no repercussions? I would havegiven her a hard slap right back. Then told her no one wants to look at ugly girls.
getsome23 0
hope it was worth it numb nuts
HomeAl0ne 20
"...wow, this is hot. It could really do with a some quick, strong blowing. Ahhh, topped up with milk, just how I like it. Creamy, smooth. One lump? No, two, two lumps, that's best. And I love this muffin - a nice curved light brown muffin with a yummy red berry poking up on the top. Sweeeeet. Making me drool. I must remember to buy two pillows today. I wonder what it would feel like to go to sleep with my head between two pillows? You could probably suffocate doing that, but it wouldn't be a bad way to go. They you get an erection when you suffocate, or was that when..." **SLAP** Hey! What I do?
kaymi 17
My thoughts do go like that some days. damn zoning out will be the death of me. lol.
alisidewinder 9
U: (snaps back after slap) HEY! I was trying to figure out how small they could be! Geez!
bizarre_ftw 22
Say "sorry I was spacing out. Don't worry, I would Never stare at Your chest *smile*"
julianna170 4
That sucks when that happens. I accidentally stare at some people so whenever I zone out I make sure I'm not looking at anything haha
kingatowning 2
Bitches be gold diggers. Especially with the economy still in shambles. A gold diggin bitch wants a cash cow who will do and buy whatever the bitch wants. So guys please be smart. Bitch dependency is a serious problem! If you're not careful a bitch can ruin you're life. And even take your money!
kei1108 13
I HATE it when that happens to me... one time, I stared at this semi-cute (extremely ignorant and rude) guy at lunch in 6th grade. I didnt know I was staring at him. but he thought I was checking him out. I don't remember if I was actually zoned out, or if I was thinking about how annoying he was. ah, life's mysteries. FYL. I feel your pain.
a_nutritionist 10
replace "many" with "a handful of no more than 5 who are actually working themselves". a student wont care, a volunteer worker wont care, and an unemployed woman will be more understanding. working women? hahahaha...yeah right.