Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML
Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML
Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML
Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML
Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML
Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML
Today, I tried to look productive in a meeting by nodding along, only to realize too late that I was actually nodding off. When my head dropped forward, it made a loud thud on my desk, and everyone stopped talking at once. FML
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.
imustbeinsane 2
oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that
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Comments (112)
Mirorbo 27
Conceited bitch... I get those all the time whenever I have lunch in the food court or any sort of crowded public place. If I'm exhausted, I zone out when eating, and someone I just happened to have been staring at will suddenly make a scene or will throw something at me. I guess my sudden flinch isn't hint enough that I was not paying attention...
bizarre_ftw 22
Whoever you are may I just say: You're awesome! And I suggest sunglasses. ^_^
swasticop 0
Adding sunglasses? Creepiness factor up +30
BrettJ 0
Well, it happens to the best of us.
Legendslayer222 26
What? She didn't realize when she went round to slap you and you were still staring blankly ahead of you?
rattusrattus 19
I once zoned out and did that. I wasn't in Alaska though. :(
onthetoilet 3
That's what sun glasses are for
cupcakesnpot 9
I zoned out once in the mall,except when I came back to I was staring at a guy sitting a few tables over and by the look on his face I creeped him out a bit!
Jasonf6 0
assault charges...'nuff said.
Ldesu 0
Snap back to reality, Oh, here goes gravity.
pvtpilot 0
Love that song!
TheDrifter 24
No, women look at... the wallet.
perdix 31
You should have popped your collar, said, "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" and asked for her number. This seems to work for coffee-shop douchebags.
whcwtexan 0
Perdix FTW!!!
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Nice past FML reference, Perdix. :)