Work: Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment... - FML

By DookDaSpook - 11/01/2016 23:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 461

You deserved it 1 305

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Leave us alone

People are people

By TheFatOne - 31/08/2014 19:27 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 834

You deserved it 5 536

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 970

You deserved it 8 580

By ugly - 03/09/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 119

You deserved it 2 572

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 801

You deserved it 4 983

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 18:25 - Singapore

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 674

You deserved it 3 243

By Hungry - 27/12/2013 14:01 - United States - Appleton

Today, I got written up at work for clocking back in from lunch early. Yesterday I got a verbal warning for coming back late. I'm scared to go to lunch at all now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 813

You deserved it 4 664

By HadToApologize - 03/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 311

You deserved it 22 881

By Cantbreath94 - 13/11/2010 06:07 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 475

You deserved it 3 108

By OhGreat - 30/04/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 936

You deserved it 5 194

By hipthrustdude - 18/05/2009 12:04 - Malaysia

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 403

You deserved it 54 294

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 993

You deserved it 14 835

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 16:00 - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 137

By DarkMaskDiva - 16/06/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 063

You deserved it 6 098

By Danielle - 10/06/2012 19:19 - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 043

You deserved it 3 214

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 176

You deserved it 8 165

Supportive

By Khagen - 27/01/2021 05:01

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 87

By so so old now - 16/09/2014 23:23 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. After lighting sparklers on the cake and singing happy birthday, we all enjoyed a few moments of sparkly, happy fun time. Then the building's fire alarm tripped and over 200 people had to be evacuated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 327

You deserved it 4 463

Good enough reason

By Anonymous - 17/05/2017 20:00

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 053

You deserved it 447

By forever alone - 09/05/2015 23:03 - Germany - Apolda

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 095

You deserved it 3 039

Abandoned

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found a baby in a cradle on my doorstep. I was shocked that someone would do this, so I picked it up and uncovered the baby. It was actually a rudimentary stink bomb that went off in my face when I uncovered it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 068

You deserved it 224

By sucksforme. - 10/05/2009 05:05 - Canada

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 027

You deserved it 6 328

By owmyfoot - 24/02/2014 02:22 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 647

You deserved it 40 759

By milkndstufff - 07/03/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 285

You deserved it 3 607

By Brad - 07/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 771

You deserved it 201

By fatmom - 10/04/2013 13:26 - United Kingdom - Royal Tunbridge Wells

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 065

You deserved it 21 255

By Cheapo - 27/12/2017 19:00

Today, I gave my friend a $5 VR set that I purchased from the dollar store for Christmas. I received a $60 gift card. Later, I realized I left the receipt in the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 6 085

By missy - 16/06/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 802

You deserved it 10 024

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 15:00

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 391

You deserved it 424

By ToiletTony - 19/06/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom in a department store. When I was finished, I couldn't get the stall door open. I am claustrophobic and I freaked out and and started shouting for help. A 6 year old boy got the door open for me. It turns out I was pushing when I should have been pulling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 807

You deserved it 51 453

By Anonymous - 11/08/2016 12:40 - Canada - Toronto

Today, two customers complained about the shitty service they received from my coworkers. I apologized and asked about the complaint. Their issues were legitimate and I promised to pass them on. They demanded to speak to my manager and my coworkers got in trouble. Now they think I'm a snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 807

You deserved it 1 530

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 02:54 - United States - Denver

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 707

You deserved it 2 844

The void

By natasha - 01/07/2020 05:03

Today, my depression has hit a new low. I had to verbally motivate myself for at least an hour in order to wash two plates. I ended up giving up in the middle, and completely shutting down for six hours afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 250

By phlyingphuck - 31/08/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 571

You deserved it 7 859

By Sun_Kissed18 - 09/07/2014 07:26 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 406

You deserved it 4 190

By Emma - 05/01/2016 03:08 - United Kingdom - Rawtenstall

Today, I had a job interview where I was asked, "Who is your best friend?" I replied truthfully, "My cat", only to then be asked what my cat would describe as my best qualities, which didn't go far beyond, "Remembering to feed him". They weren't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 682

You deserved it 5 448

By the girl next door - 07/05/2013 05:10 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 724

You deserved it 5 058

By Sean - 09/09/2013 21:04 - United States

Today, I went to my insurance company to deal with some paperwork. One of their employees backed into my car before I made it into the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 797

You deserved it 2 988

By anonymous - 06/06/2016 16:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 270

You deserved it 1 568

Skipped

By how?!?! - 07/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that I’m pregnant even though I've had the implant for a couple of years. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I got knocked up after only seeing the guy for a few weeks, or the fact that I had a boyfriend for five years and it never happened. The new guy thinks I lied and bailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 264

By queen - 30/12/2009 01:29 - Brazil

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 873

You deserved it 24 209

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

crazytwinsmom 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:19

Fork Your Life

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:09

well fork your neighbour !

Comments

Feklfekl2222 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:00

I hope your client/ colleague was understanding. Perhaps stab/prod your neighbour with a fork as a form of catharsis?

yenze 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:02

That seems a little extreme.

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:04

How the hell do people see this as something you deserve? Hope everything is okay, OP.

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:31

Usually they hit it by mistake. Once they pick one that can't change it back. FML should really change that.

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:49

13 - I've definitely fat-fingered the YDI on my phone before and I've felt terrible for it. FML should do something about it. I've also reflexively tapped the FYL when it was really a YDI so that sucks too.

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 10:03

That happened to me on a post about OP cheating on his girlfriend. Accidentally hit YLS out of habit. I was pissed at myself for an hour.

zaidthunder1 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 6:43

Thing is, there are some idiots who select YDI whether they deserve it or not.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 7:24

15, I've done that too. I still don't know why you can't take back your vote yet you can vote for both. FML logic I guess.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 7:25

31, that is also true. Why they do that is unknown.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 14:44

trolls.

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:04

I'm sure this helped in making a lasting impression, regardless of if they understand or not.

yenze 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:06

It never said it was a job interview

yenze 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:24

#4 edited his comment it used to say "regardless if you got the job or not" that's where my interview comment came from

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:42

I did edit the comment, realised shortly after posting it that an interview was never mentioned.

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:05

Sorry OP, hopefully they understand your situation.

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:09

well fork your neighbour !

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:09

If you couldn't get another interview your idiot neighbor owes you a job!

BeautifulChaos27 37

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:45

They said it was an important meeting.... how did you get job interview?

crazytwinsmom 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:19

Fork Your Life

badassmf1234 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:21

Who knew you can't microwave forks

devinm112233 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 10:45

Me

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:25

Had a similar incident at work. Someone thought a can of soup in the microwave was a reasonable way to heat up their lunch. Between the blown circuit breaker and the screaming from the breakroom, we thought someone dropped a fork in the toaster...a more reasonable, intelligent reason.

devinm112233 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 January 2016 10:20

What brand of fork?

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 1:12

An iFork

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 7:51

No, no, Google Fork 5X, obviously.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 130

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 298