Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes,...

By Milked Richard - 06/02/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 187

You deserved it 5 629

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Same thing different taste

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 905

You deserved it 36 502

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 749

You deserved it 1 182

By idontbleedfromthere - 22/08/2012 23:10 - United States - Indio

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 964

You deserved it 2 183

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 024

You deserved it 34 849

By man-period? - 02/03/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 429

You deserved it 1 626

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 11:15 - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 780

You deserved it 2 043

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 430

You deserved it 455

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 336

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 917

You deserved it 4 586

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 619

You deserved it 1 059

adamjcurryy 19

Friday 6 February 2015 9:49

I'd love to know the story behind this.

HereNReady 13

Friday 6 February 2015 9:50

I think this may be the first time in 30 years that I literally have nothing to say. Enjoy therapy!

Comments

str1kepa1n 16

Friday 6 February 2015 14:08

That's some real engineering.

hilaria_5994 6

Friday 6 February 2015 14:51

Party in Australia

moomimamoo 24

Friday 6 February 2015 15:02

People do some weird things...

ohSNAPyall 26

Friday 6 February 2015 15:41

Was the tape really necessary?

buymevickis92 26

Friday 6 February 2015 15:43

op when you find out what happened please share lol

lazyslumber 18

Friday 6 February 2015 16:11

Is the milk bottle filled with a white liquid or a yellow liquid?

badgercheese94 16

Friday 6 February 2015 16:47

Asqueroso!

badgercheese94 16

Friday 6 February 2015 16:48

moooo

Parvati48 15

Friday 6 February 2015 16:48

Lol! Sorry OP, hope the little guy didn't get hurt in the removal process. I really hope there is a follow up to this! XD

Badkarma4u 17

Friday 6 February 2015 16:51

Sounds like one hell of a party OP. Youre a f'n rockstar.

Keywords

Weird Miscellaneous Awkward Shopping My ex Relatable Racism Family Kids Love AITA Death Health Cheating Work Break-ups Cute Cats Animals Sex Intimacy Relationship advice Alcohol Coworkers Mental health Psychology Neighbours Cops Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 693

Today, my friends-with-benefits asked me if the girl who just added me on Facebook and Instagram is someone new I’m talking to, all within hours of this new friend adding me on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 357

The Top

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 827

You deserved it 944

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 130

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 594

You deserved it 4 353

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 893

You deserved it 6 700

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 313

Today, the amount of spiders in my house has gotten so bad that it's become routine to shake out any blankets or towels before using them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 261

You deserved it 3 643

Same thing different taste

New one

It's a witch!

Meow!

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