Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking....

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 020

You deserved it 34 838

Miscellaneous

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Same thing different taste

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 266

You deserved it 62 349

Partaaaaay!

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 120

You deserved it 46 954

By CK95 - 01/01/2015 23:02 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 827

You deserved it 8 031

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 3 145

By mushroomtop - 23/09/2017 23:15

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 3 489

Ambien nights

By Sleepless Dreams - 29/11/2016 04:42 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 119

You deserved it 693

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 664

You deserved it 40 120

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 1 845

By Anonymous - 06/04/2012 16:58 - United States - Deerfield Beach

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 443

You deserved it 26 233

By hedayk - 15/05/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 267

You deserved it 12 011

mpsteve137 15

Monday 4 June 2012 0:38

Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 4:17

Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.

Comments

mpsteve137 15

Monday 4 June 2012 0:38

Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh

Damn_Hippster 11

Monday 4 June 2012 0:50

Wait your telling me that DOESN'T increase my penis size??! All the those lonely nights rubbing shampoo on myself for nothing!!

Dr0reos 8

Monday 4 June 2012 1:10

Really because ive had good results with head and shoulders shampoo

Trisha_aus 15

Monday 4 June 2012 2:45

Hangover 3

JocelynKaulitz 28

Monday 4 June 2012 3:26

You're supposed to use the shampoo that helps prevent dryness and add more volume…

xalba 9

Monday 4 June 2012 3:33

Hahaha that funny

The_CL0GGER 0

Monday 4 June 2012 3:49

umm... There are about 7 things that points to YDI in this FML.

Inheritance 10

Monday 4 June 2012 4:16

Question is OP did it work?

EvilPotato 14

Monday 4 June 2012 5:31

35 oh ya tell me about it, nothings worst than dry pubic hair. Gotta keep it moist.

yuggi1 11

Monday 4 June 2012 8:26

You people are so off! The only shampoo that works for that is the one with the stallion logo. Never heard of the reference; hung like a horse? Yup.

yellowpuppies 5

Monday 4 June 2012 15:32

Dude I thought it was soap

SuperKnuckels 6

Tuesday 5 June 2012 2:02

naw none of those products will work. But.. Smuckers will... unless thats too fancy for you.

GaleHawthorne 0

Tuesday 5 June 2012 5:56

Ron Jeremy was wrong? ;(

bete_noire_fml 7

Monday 4 June 2012 0:39

Yep, think we've all been there.

Dr0reos 8

Monday 4 June 2012 1:16

Yeah I once got really coked up on bath salts and bit off a hobos face by the side of the road.

NoYDI 4

Monday 4 June 2012 1:41

Sorry for party rockin'!

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 4:17

Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.

kittenvks 11

Monday 4 June 2012 4:59

51- it's just so unfair!!

MrBrightside21 20

Monday 4 June 2012 22:12

I'm a guy, but most of the time, I can't even find my penis.

DrewFluIngle 10

Sunday 16 September 2012 2:28

Well that's a bad day or your penis has become retractable xD

Give_Linux_A_Go 28

Monday 4 June 2012 0:40

Someone told me that works. It doesn't, it's a sham and quite frankly it's ridickulous.

slayer447 17

Monday 4 June 2012 4:07

Your joke was bad and you should feel bad.

retyi43 14

Monday 4 June 2012 7:01

I found "ridickulous" quite amusing.

himynameischeese 6

Monday 4 June 2012 7:52

Lighten up! Let the man dream!

Achall91 17

Monday 4 June 2012 9:44

I didn't even realize the pun I just thought the guy was an idiot because he spelt ridiculous wrong.

Give_Linux_A_Go 28

Monday 4 June 2012 15:32

Yeesh, didn't see the -21 score coming. I almost certainly do feel bad. Apologies.

hblank 4

Monday 4 June 2012 0:41

Yea, trust Linux. He knows.

sidewaysponytail 0

Monday 4 June 2012 0:42

Well that sucks, but you did deserve it. But I'd hate to see how boring you are when you aren't stoned...honestly normal drunk stuff

Llamacod 11

Monday 4 June 2012 3:34

dude you gotta lay off of the reefer, it says nothing about being stoned just drinking. I think you gotta quit reliving your own personal experiences of getting stoned and shampooing your dick to make it bigger

sidewaysponytail 0

Monday 4 June 2012 4:06

I kid he's probably a very nice interesting funny attractive person. Calllllmmmmmm doooowwwwwnnnnnnn:)

AsianCookie247 14

Monday 4 June 2012 11:44

40 - Mr ponytail's first comment was probably made while coming down from a high or withdrawals from lack of, and their second comment was most likely made once they took a couple hits from the bong. It's like a Before and After, they even included a smiley face to show how happy they are!

kirstyannemiller 4

Monday 4 June 2012 0:43

Did it work? I mean all good things come at a price, right?

TheEpicMilkMan 13

Monday 4 June 2012 10:51

I'm pretty sure it didn't if he posted about it on fml...

11mandy80 6

Monday 4 June 2012 0:44

I thought u were supposed to use soap

SkoomaKi 27

Monday 4 June 2012 0:46

Size doesn't matter! Although at least your body hairs will be clean and silky smooth.

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 3:50

Size doesn't matter only if you know how to use what you've got. Maybe poor OP is a bit lackluster in the love makin' department, and size is his only hope of redemption. Not everyone can be natural-born sexperts like you, SkoomaKi.