Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bob1124 0
So what did you expect? To fall in love and live happily ever after?
fxdxhk90 0
There are way too many fmls about drunk sex.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
_Skies 0
FYL because you went out partying and had sex with a random dude who was drunk. Yeah, FYL...
fxdxhk90 0
There are way too many fmls about drunk sex.
pieofchrist 0
what a douche bag! go slit his tires.
slutsstud 0
U must b ugly.. FhisL
quinnteh 0
Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, Moontrance.
boatiebanter 0
No, #21. Just no. She CHOSE to deal with the drunken horny man, and then is surpised when he's not a gentleman? She deserved it. And 90% of people here (of all places) have had one-night stands? I doubt it. And even if you're right, if someone chooses to have drunken one-night stands they deserve no sympathy for whatever slight emotional trauma they may suffer.
babybarb 0
YDI for sleeping with a guy you're not dating. You're disgusting.
sharkshaveteeth 0
guess that you didn't know him very well. that sucks and he deserved it for having drunk sloppy sex with random people.
ktchic 0
Don't worry, you're beautiful
MrZach 0
Op. I will come and give you the ride of your life. And will definitely not slide out of bed in the morning. regardless. power to everyone.
Delilahlilah 0
Agreed. What the hell is with people like that? The girl's the ****/*****, but he sleeps with different girls nightly.
TuxedoBento 1
#14 Does look like a pig.. haha But then again, #23 you aren't exactly... yeah... lets leave it at that.
midwestjerk 0
Good job with the drunk sex, OP. I hope you at least remembered to use a condom or be on the pill. Still, the guy is an ass. You both lose.