Intimacy: Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid...

By blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 419

You deserved it 14 010

Back to School: Quiproquos and Notebooks
Laugh at back-to-school mishaps, with dazed students and overwhelmed teachers! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 245

You deserved it 43 581

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 345

You deserved it 57 812

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 325

You deserved it 9 836

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 552

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 152

You deserved it 91 480

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 117

You deserved it 2 674

By nah - 04/02/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 969

You deserved it 7 576

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 168

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 534

You deserved it 87 593

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 069

You deserved it 64 010

bob1124 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:20

So what did you expect? To fall in love and live happily ever after?

fxdxhk90 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:29

There are way too many fmls about drunk sex.

Comments

_Skies 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:29

FYL because you went out partying and had sex with a random dude who was drunk. Yeah, FYL...

fxdxhk90 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:29

There are way too many fmls about drunk sex.

pieofchrist 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:30

what a douche bag! go slit his tires.

slutsstud 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:37

U must b ugly.. FhisL

quinnteh 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 10:50

Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, Moontrance.

boatiebanter 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 11:33

No, #21. Just no. She CHOSE to deal with the drunken horny man, and then is surpised when he's not a gentleman? She deserved it. And 90% of people here (of all places) have had one-night stands? I doubt it. And even if you're right, if someone chooses to have drunken one-night stands they deserve no sympathy for whatever slight emotional trauma they may suffer.