Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML
Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML
Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
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Top comments
Fernmelder 0
that is nasty
crazychika 0
Ewwwww! What a little bugger! Yea... here's one reason why I'm NOT having kids :P
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Comments (237)
TheBrunetteDevil 0
*throws up a bit in mouth*
haleycstar 0
same here. that's just nasty.
Amortifiedperson 0
I feel like I'm going to throw up now...
butterfaceFAIL 0
ewwwwwwwwww!!!! but don't beat him, i was beat, and i still need tharepy
DameGreyWulf 1
I was beat. I require no thErApy. Clearly, there is just something wrong with you.
kindiicandy 0
Ugh messed up. But you have to stop him from picking those scabs or he'll get scars. I say show him a picture of a meth addict to set him straight =D Say "you'll look like this http://media.photobucket.com/image/meth%20addict/silverbeam/CSM%20Blog/methhead.jpg if you do that again."
socktree 0
Congrats! Any semblance of wanting to have children is suddenly gone.
shitbitch_fml 0
Even if this is fake its one of the funniest FMLs I've read.
MTBowen11191993 0
This is why parents drink, have high blood pressure, and beat their children. I hope you gave him what he deserved.
muffinsareyummy 1
why didn't you just get him that chicken pox shot? that would of been easier on the both of you.
Selsa_Squirrel 0
The shot can actually cause problems later down the road, they've found it's it's safer to expose a child early insted.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
you clearly don't know how shots work
froggy123000 0
This is just SICK! (no pun intended) I hope you've had it, or the shot. EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Christina21 2
Well He had to put it somewhere LOL