Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I woke up after going to a rave with some friends. I got very nauseous and sat down behind a garbage bin outside to puke. I sat directly on fresh pee. About an hour later, I sat down on a toilet seat also covered in pee. I forgot to shower when I got home. FML
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Top comments
karagarren 8
Oh man. everyone has to go through that disaster at least once
ElainaCutsYou 0
Sit on the toilet and lean over the tub.
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Comments (124)
ahoytheredank 0
You have a virus that happened to me recently in my favorite pair of underwear.
ATierney3 0
Yeah. I laughed at this(:
nickbucci1252 0
I've done that before at my aunts it was pretty gross
daydreamer244 13
happened to my mom...ohh what a mess.
Kadaver 1
I cried when I read this. FYL.
sentinel_233 0
Hahahahahahahahahahaha that's hilarious
bubo_fml 11
2 options: 1) Sit on the toilet 2 vacate your bowels & have a small trash can handy for vomitus. 2) Vomit in the aforementioned toilet whilst employing the small trash can as a turd receptacle. Both options will contain the offending substances...Hope this helped...
JokeMeister 0
Better out than in?
jdnw 0
i did the same but i was home and b4 that the doctor comfirmed it was a stomach virus
narya1 0
Why is everything so violent on fml?