Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML
Today, I smoked weed with my girlfriend and we ordered some Chinese food. I was too high to open the box and she watched me struggle for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML
Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML
Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak. FML
Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
Listen, bud. If something you do for fun is getting in the way of your actual obligations that may be a sign of addiction and it’s definitely a sign that you need to step back and re-evaluate. Seek help.
Ubehage 32
As a stoner myself, all I can say is that it was your own choice. Think about that. Was it what you wanted? If not, then remember this next time the temptation comes. FYL and YDI
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Comments (9)
Anderling 33
Listen, bud. If something you do for fun is getting in the way of your actual obligations that may be a sign of addiction and it’s definitely a sign that you need to step back and re-evaluate. Seek help.
Ubehage 32
As a stoner myself, all I can say is that it was your own choice. Think about that. Was it what you wanted? If not, then remember this next time the temptation comes. FYL and YDI
RichardPencil 32
I'm still traumatized by the image of your wife's dirty underwear waiting for you to clean them. Is she supposed to go commando, or buy new undies until you get around your chores, shit-scraper?
maverick83 15
Is that you, Afro Man? That new verse needs some work, it’s not very catchy.
lalalaila777 24
blaming cannabis for your actions is another stupid thing giving it a bad name. who controlled your actions? do you have any self control? are you a puppet? who pulls your strings? cannabis?
historygrad74 19
Are you a principal? Wtf!
dreams2383 20
you sound like loser
Sonotsuave 37
This doesn’t make any sense to me. Are you complaining that you made a bad decision, or what? If you’re stressed out or going through depression, I’m sorry for you and would recommend seeking help. Otherwise, be an adult and take responsibility for your actions. If you want to smoke recreationally, do that on the weekends or off the clock, not during the work day that affects your shared chores with your wife, your work day, and ability to interview subordinates.