Alcohol, Drunk, Weird and Parents: Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad...

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 750

You deserved it 3 744

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 088

You deserved it 3 059

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 535

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 701

You deserved it 2 757

By mikey51 - 10/03/2012 01:56 - Australia

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 629

You deserved it 41 561

Skittish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2023 22:00 - Netherlands - Hardenberg

Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 751

You deserved it 10 094

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 890

You deserved it 2 528

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 652

You deserved it 3 394

By mydadsawsooomuch - 17/11/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 153

You deserved it 9 818

By IAmACoolCat - 05/07/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 506

You deserved it 4 955

Welshite 39

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:16

That's when you push him off the toilet and scream"Gandalf!" Trust me, he won't be mad or anything.

kimblie 15

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:17

at least he's an amusing drunk?

Comments

squeamishacorn 14

Wednesday 6 November 2013 14:23

But it's No Shave November

213JMD213 10

Wednesday 6 November 2013 15:03

You deserved it its no shave november

thepretender10 4

Wednesday 6 November 2013 15:07

Reply with "go back to the shadows."

bobo_the_bear 5

Wednesday 6 November 2013 18:35

Don't know how old you are but you could always move out. If you are old enough to shave you are old enough to live on your own.

curtinator6 6

Wednesday 6 November 2013 19:39

No shave November!

AsianBomb_xo 10

Wednesday 6 November 2013 23:47

wow. lmao

frod0 10

Thursday 7 November 2013 0:01

GANDALLLLFFFFFFFFF! D':

ArchCypher 3

Thursday 7 November 2013 2:06

At least he has good taste in drunken quotes...

Huszar 6

Friday 8 November 2013 20:28

That's awesome!

sugoine 12

Friday 8 November 2013 22:41

Ha ha ha ha that's some funny shit right there.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 96

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 197

The Top

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 643

You deserved it 4 239

Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 112

You deserved it 36 896

Today, two customers complained about the shitty service they received from my coworkers. I apologized and asked about the complaint. Their issues were legitimate and I promised to pass them on. They demanded to speak to my manager and my coworkers got in trouble. Now they think I'm a snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 876

You deserved it 1 540

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 836

You deserved it 5 962

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 2 022

Today, I played The Sims just so I'd know what it was like to live alone, own a home, and have a well-paying job that didn't slowly kill me from the inside out. It was the happiest I've been in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 112

Same thing different taste

Night terrors

Skittish

Anger management

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