Miscellaneous: Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 021

You deserved it 3 047

You tried

Stop talking!

To catch a predator

By rent-a-cop - 05/05/2013 04:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 713

You deserved it 7 272

By Meghan Elise - 02/03/2019 16:00

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 308

You deserved it 151

Bugging out

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 00:01 - United States - Tampa

Today, I'm allergic to not only bug spray, but also mosquitos. I'm staying at a bug-infested lake for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 24/03/2017 22:00

Today, my son followed me around like a shadow, chanting, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom…" to the tune of Jingle Bells. It's March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 565

You deserved it 501

By Jesse from - 03/08/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 226

You deserved it 38 898

By Moose - 02/08/2016 11:18 - Poland

Today, my boss signed and sent me back my timesheet. He named the PDF file "Timeshit". Now I don't know whether he's terrible at spelling, or just expressed his view of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 673

You deserved it 1 218

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 17:01 - United States - Portland

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 3 089

Two-way street

By misspukesalot - 14/07/2020 14:02

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 00:00

Today, I slipped and gashed my head bad enough that my head had to be shaved to be sewn up. Right after it had finished growing back from chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 941

You deserved it 116

By sadSarah - 01/05/2014 09:59 - United States - New York

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 226

You deserved it 4 776

By oogabooga9 - 08/11/2017 15:00

Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 4 267

By Tag - 24/09/2014 01:19 - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 113

You deserved it 3 150

Can he fix it?

By Chelsy - 11/09/2019 12:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 184

By fuck you, mum - 11/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 569

You deserved it 4 150

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 737

You deserved it 4 643

By its still broken - 11/06/2015 00:13 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 580

You deserved it 1 962

That hurts, BTW

By phillij2 - 09/07/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 383

You deserved it 6 288

By Anonymous - 22/07/2019 00:01

Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 225

By Anon - 13/06/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 474

You deserved it 7 300

By Dino - 21/10/2018 14:00

Today, I drove a total of 4 hours for my boss to demote me, downgrade my pay, and make the kid I hired my new boss. Why? Because I asked about the $500 missing from my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 755

You deserved it 165

Very frustrating

By Anonymous - 18/01/2020 05:00

Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him full force dead center in the chest right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 326

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 05/05/2015 15:31 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 419

You deserved it 3 704

BDSM FML

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 11:00 - Australia

Today, I realised I need to grow up when I couldn’t stop laughing throughout a very serious meeting entitled, “Master / Sub Remediation Program.” It’s about electricity meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 652

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 21:43 - United States - Wailuku

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 066

You deserved it 4 278

By meteorbabe0101 - 14/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796 991

You deserved it 65 437

By annonymous - 07/09/2015 20:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 706

You deserved it 2 405

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 120

You deserved it 4 752

By Sudokori - 07/09/2017 01:30

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 176

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 03:26 - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 767

You deserved it 1 681

By notcool - 15/09/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 271

You deserved it 3 308

This ain't gonna end well

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 12:04

Today, my partner of 5 years and I sat down to talk because I expressed hope for a proposal in near future. He instead believed that we should wait, and talk about a potential future for us in another two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 07:00 - United States

Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, "make them do their job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 484

You deserved it 2 078

By Janet - 10/03/2009 13:02 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 013

You deserved it 3 144

By ewwww - 26/05/2013 17:55 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 516

You deserved it 4 298

By Anonymous - 02/06/2009 11:05 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 541

You deserved it 5 362

By JustMyLuck - 12/02/2010 14:14 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to sleep over at his house. Then he found out that it was that time of the month for me, so he told me that he had to work this weekend and said "see you sometime next week." He doesn't have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 180

You deserved it 4 833

By gimpy - 04/01/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 784

You deserved it 2 471

By D.W. - 03/11/2017 00:30

Today, the new Apple update put all of the 100+ nudes I'd sent my boyfriend on his mother's phone because their accounts are linked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 638

You deserved it 4 117

By fun - 16/06/2013 04:54 - United States

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 944

You deserved it 4 573

By Patrick - 27/01/2010 11:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 413

You deserved it 5 246

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:52

well he ALMOST made it

silvercamaro 22

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 0:25

He could be passed out drunk, so walking away and leaving him alone could actually result in him dying.

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:51

That's when you turn around and walk away...

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 0:15

No.. You ask for an explanation

silvercamaro 22

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 0:25

He could be passed out drunk, so walking away and leaving him alone could actually result in him dying.

whatsittoyabitch 15

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 0:26

Did he at least had his underwear on?

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 0:58

I disagree #1 OP doesn't state anything about the dads health, anything could be wrong with him and even though it's not pleasant I think it's their duty to make sure he's okay and help if needs be..

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 1:46

He could have had a heart attack or something, you don't just leave someone there when they're passed out.

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 4:52

or if he is drunk, he can puke and choke on it. and die. x.x

LowExpectations 30

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 4:54

#36 is right, you can't just leave him there without drawing some penises on his face. But seriously though, if you truly care about someone you don't leave them unconscious by the toilet.

Ichiya 29

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 5:14

Yes you drag him into the dining room and make him into a lovely center piece.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 5:22

That must've been one powerful sh**...

BasedComment 15

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 6:18

Turn down for what!

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:52

I understand, going to the bathroom when you're drunk is tough and takes it out of you!

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 4:51

Actually you're right. Going number 2 very drunk can make you pass out. Happen to a friend on mine.

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:52

well he ALMOST made it

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 0:09

OP's bathroom must have been closer than his own, too.

VeganDarkLight 31

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 0:34

They probably share it?

meatpopsicle69 7

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 1:38

Actually, #12 had the right idea. OP did say 'my bathroom.' Correct me if I'm wrong, but if I shared the bathroom with someone I would have said, "our bathroom" or "the bathroom."

LowExpectations 30

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 4:56

I'm getting the feeling this happened in OP's own home.

christianmaxvill 17

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:52

Hope he's alright!

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:54

Must have been some party.

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:54

Sounds like your dad likes to party.

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:57

When you drink so much you can't do the maths anymore, you can just do the mat.

LowExpectations 30

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 4:58

Sir, you are drunk, leave the internet alone and call it a day.

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:57

The follow up has to be epic

pinkster2014 25

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Thursday 13 November 2014 11:09

I agree. There should be a follow up! I want to know if the dad's okay!

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 23:57

is he ok?.. .-.

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 0:04

Imma party with your pops . Makes me look sane with my pants off.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 38

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 200