Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

By buddy - 26/1/2009 14:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks

49390

You deserved it

11827

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Body issues

Dad jokes, part 43884

White line fever

By Anonymous - 31/1/2015 05:38 - United States - Brenham

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31185

You deserved it

3233

Favorite

By The Sbeak - 13/2/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

554318

You deserved it

45206

Favorite

By Jake - 29/4/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48991

You deserved it

6182

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/6/2015 21:52 - United States - Tupelo

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26913

You deserved it

1787

Favorite

By Stress - 24/2/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23147

You deserved it

4487

Favorite

By Peach - 5/12/2017 15:00

Today, my husband finally decided to help with the laundry. He washed a pen and it exploded in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4069

You deserved it

437

Favorite

By Breanne - 14/7/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26162

You deserved it

2300

Favorite

By FoxyManicLiar - 27/9/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35267

You deserved it

3162

Favorite

By Hover Hand - 21/11/2012 02:37 - United States - Merchantville

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9093

You deserved it

22854

Favorite

By meh beard - 18/1/2016 23:42 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21391

You deserved it

1571

Favorite

By grapes - 15/11/2015 22:12 - United States - Westfield

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22170

You deserved it

1869

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/1/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11621

You deserved it

30748

Favorite

By nutsucker - 8/3/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57375

You deserved it

10787

Favorite

By mastel07 - 10/12/2014 12:59 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19209

You deserved it

44609

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/11/2017 06:00

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6174

You deserved it

547

Favorite

By neednewshoes - 7/12/2017 01:30

Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2376

You deserved it

4825

Favorite

By Rose - 23/7/2012 23:06 - United States

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27019

You deserved it

2345

Favorite

By Alex - 26/6/2014 21:13 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks

62694

You deserved it

3395

Favorite

By angie429 - 27/11/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26988

You deserved it

2720

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 00:01

Seize the means of production!

Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1621

You deserved it

Favorite

By nottoosmall - 3/4/2013 16:57 - United States

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37648

You deserved it

15560

Favorite

By Catnip - 30/6/2016 23:42 - Germany - Michelstadt

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, 'Wow, so beautiful!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

12144

You deserved it

3257

Favorite

By areyouserious - 29/2/2012 10:36 - United States

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11482

You deserved it

37022

Favorite

By Tony - 9/3/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64093

You deserved it

3271

Favorite

By gl0b3suck0r - 8/5/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24296

You deserved it

4581

Favorite

By Varnpike - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1522

You deserved it

6082

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 14:37 - United States

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12961

You deserved it

27584

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/9/2017 20:00

Today, while eating s'mores with my boyfriend's family, I misplaced my false tooth. With a team of flashlights and hurt pride, my expensive tooth was found. In dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3316

You deserved it

446

Favorite

By cheated - 6/7/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1861

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By BrillianceSucks - 5/4/2013 00:10 - Canada

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39129

You deserved it

12395

Favorite

By j3r3zana16 - 31/10/2011 08:30 - Canada

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8349

You deserved it

51549

Favorite

By stoolgal - 23/9/2016 06:19 - United States - Yukon

Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11385

You deserved it

1410

Favorite

By ohsugarxo - 31/8/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57171

You deserved it

3976

Favorite

By he's a dawk, and a cunt - 5/7/2013 22:29 - Australia - Darling Point

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47894

You deserved it

7865

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31661

You deserved it

3872

Favorite

By ToysforHire - 22/9/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2366

You deserved it

7217

Favorite

By Fish Breath - 3/6/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10937

You deserved it

4032

Favorite

By moneyman22 - 1/3/2010 19:09 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31276

You deserved it

3936

Favorite

By whatchagonnado - 24/3/2013 07:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37818

You deserved it

8817

Favorite

By blue15564 - 26/9/2016 21:52 - United States - Davenport

Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11245

You deserved it

1123

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jamiecakes | 0

#235 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:39

ugh that happens to me like every week.

By cthulhu_fml | 0

#1781 - Friday 13 February 2009 5:38

O_O
That happened to me too just a couple of days ago!
What're the chances?

Comments

By jamiecakes | 0

#235 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:39

ugh that happens to me like every week.

Rach_star | 0

#588220 - Saturday 26 September 2009 18:37

LOL I dont know why that made me laugh!

raghavfyl | 0

#982623 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 20:56

it happened to me like yesterday

THEchubbybunny | 0

#984628 - Sunday 25 April 2010 10:36

another case of the MUUUUUN-DAYZZZZ

RidgeWalker | 0

#1025947 - Thursday 10 June 2010 5:20

LMAO! that was even better than the FML!

RyGan | 0

#1064834 - Monday 5 July 2010 16:19

simple and original :)
I like it

thegirlnextdoorr | 0

#1112724 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:38

I like this FML :D It's something everyone has to face, so everyone can relate. If you clicked YDI, you're basically saying it to yourself...

hahaitsmattheau | 0

#1193132 - Thursday 5 August 2010 9:43

how the hell does shit like this get through

awesomesauceninj | 0

#1281176 - Saturday 21 August 2010 22:27

yea this happens to me after every sunday

TotalStar | 0

#1510328 - Thursday 7 October 2010 6:09

legit, #102 just completely ruined it.

Justforlolz | 13

#1525753 - Sunday 10 October 2010 5:05

Lawl @ #1 and #108. Both WIN!

By zlat541 | 0

#370 - Friday 6 February 2009 4:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

frosting1012 | 0

#988650 - Wednesday 5 May 2010 17:55

that's nice

babyjaguar96 | 0

#1332037 - Wednesday 1 September 2010 7:05

I wanna 69 your nasal cavity

shammyyy | 0

#1762154 - Sunday 28 November 2010 4:43

how 'bout no 69ing anything :))

By AnonymousLife_fml | 0

#430 - Saturday 7 February 2009 0:36

How does this get posted, and mine gets refused. FML, My story is more dramatic, cause its my life....

LauraTheKiwi | 0

#896722 - Saturday 27 February 2010 8:10

and it's now or never...(8)

RyGan | 0

#1064839 - Monday 5 July 2010 16:21

because this FML actually made people laugh

eehizle | 0

#1712135 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 2:08

Your story is probably grammatically incorrect shit that no one wants to read.  zing.

By cthulhu_fml | 0

#1781 - Friday 13 February 2009 5:38

O_O
That happened to me too just a couple of days ago!
What're the chances?

By Stephen_fml | 0

#6170 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 3:05

you shouldn't have woken up

Brendiux | 0

#539797 - Saturday 5 September 2009 0:52

hahaha

ilovefatcats | 12

#1019955 - Saturday 5 June 2010 6:49

I eke up on Mondays, like, EVRY week!!! what are the odds?!

By Tobias_Grey | 0

#8928 - Saturday 28 February 2009 0:17

Goddamn... I hate it when that happens.

By idc_fml | 0

#18700 - Friday 6 March 2009 23:24

at least you woke up. some people didnt.
i'm sure a dead person will be happy to
trade with you.

By lifesuckseggs | 0

#24783 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:07

Once... i fell asleep on a saturday and woke up on a monday..
IT WAS MESSED UP... I had no idea wtf was going on

StarChan | 2

#316392 - Thursday 18 June 2009 7:30

#10 =

Tiff_A_Boy | 0

#591693 - Monday 28 September 2009 16:35

well... its called sleeping through the day, you probably went to bed like really late

By tincan | 0

#34397 - Monday 16 March 2009 9:34

You're Garfield?

UnluckyChicka | 0

#1549016 - Friday 15 October 2010 1:53

and ur a tin can

By wira176 | 2

#35818 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:31

Monday - The enemy of Sunday!

airforce987 | 20

#976437 - Thursday 8 April 2010 12:58

do you love in boston? I recognize your profile pic. looks like the Charles river

TheNinjaCat | 10

#2097701 - Friday 18 February 2011 20:23

I'm sure he doesn't love in Boston...maybe he lives there though...

dragonaair | 5

#2149086 - Friday 4 March 2011 10:38

win^