Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself,...

By H05T1L3 - 04/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 890

You deserved it 37 120

Miscellaneous

Another great day to be alive

Weird reason to leave, but OK

One-sided

By fabz - 27/11/2015 12:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 966

You deserved it 1 633

By JD - 06/02/2010 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 159

You deserved it 2 910

Phones, how do they work?!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 14:00

Today, a voicemail suddenly appeared in my messages. Last week I missed a call from an Unknown, no number was listed. Turns out they wanted to arrange an interview for a job I really wanted, they left a number in the voicemail telling me to call them back that day if I was interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 263

By SoreNips - 12/04/2013 23:57 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 415

You deserved it 13 951

By angryman - 28/12/2014 09:07

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 695

You deserved it 8 074

By AK-47 - 17/07/2015 23:04 - United States - Farmington

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 668

You deserved it 3 441

By kaitlintaylor - 07/11/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 575

You deserved it 5 230

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 16:05 - United States

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 856

You deserved it 2 718

By Anonymous - 19/12/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 714

You deserved it 323

By toothpastecat - 13/05/2011 15:41 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 560

You deserved it 8 405

By Mr. Shawzy - 14/01/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, the ugliest girl in school walked by me and said "ewwww". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 380

You deserved it 9 158

By Brittany - 28/03/2012 02:38 - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 271

You deserved it 56 425

By Pancakegirl - 18/06/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 749

You deserved it 4 020

By Sbfreak510 - 16/10/2009 16:30 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work and I put on yesterday's jeans. While at my meeting an employee asked me if 'that' was mine and pointed to something on the floor next to me. Which was yesterday's underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 275

You deserved it 31 055

By aussie worker - 23/03/2017 14:00

Today, it was my first day at a new job as a waitress for a wedding function centre. As I was opening the door to collect dirty plates from the guests, I bumped into a colleague carrying a tray full of full champagne glasses, all of which fell and smashed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 365

You deserved it 395

By thatonekid - 27/07/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 368

You deserved it 3 531

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:56 - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 452

You deserved it 43 898

By jasmine - 23/08/2019 04:00

Today, I found out the hard way, that yes, a condom can break. Also, that sometimes when it does, your boyfriend won't say anything until you start having morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 488

You deserved it 352

By "Kymberly Hams" - 09/04/2019 10:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 306

By Acne_problems - 22/02/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 931

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 09/07/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the landscaping job I started three weeks ago is actually for an illicit business run by a hippie who pissed away the entire payroll to fund his drug habit. He has no way of coughing up the $900 he owes me. I'm broke as hell, and my electricity is now going to get cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 010

You deserved it 4 558

By rainedaddy - 29/09/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 773

You deserved it 3 165

By Singleforever - 08/08/2016 12:40 - United States - West Hartford

Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 077

You deserved it 1 210

By dole_out_the_fml - 20/05/2009 17:36 - Canada

Today, I spent two hours making dinner for my boyfriend's family. When I brought it over to their house they said "thanks" and didn't bother to invite me to stay to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 161

You deserved it 4 570

By carebear1228 - 01/07/2014 17:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 952

You deserved it 4 752

By -_- - 22/09/2013 18:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 204

You deserved it 6 091

By julieriis - 23/12/2015 18:03 - Denmark - Hals

Today, I was in a car accident, two days before Christmas. I'm now laying at home, not able to walk. My whole family thinks that I'm joking. A car drove over my foot, I'm not joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 024

You deserved it 1 765

By Should I stay or go? - 17/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was supposed to hear from my supervisor about whether or not my company was going to be letting me go. I've been on continual probation for the last 6 months, waiting to hear when they'll decide. She'd said last Friday that I'd definitely hear from her today. It's now 5:30 p.m. She's gone home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 377

You deserved it 596

By l0stnwundrland - 24/01/2011 08:01 - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor. For the past three days every time I wear my glasses I become nauseous, get migraines, and have that "fish-eye view" where everything is rounded. Turns out they placed my lenses on the wrong sides. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 740

You deserved it 3 037

By pipers - 02/05/2019 10:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 249

By Palf - 30/08/2010 11:40 - Germany

Today, I realised that my flight back from Berlin was actually booked for the 29th of September instead of August. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 472

You deserved it 27 083

Thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:03 - United States - Kenton

Today, my mom saw me holding a plant and told me to walk around with it, to replace all of the oxygen I waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 30/08/2014 15:14 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 059

You deserved it 3 299

By ugh - 09/01/2013 01:01 - United States - Saint Clair Shores

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 708

You deserved it 3 203

Dirty work

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 19:01 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, I was woken up ungodly early by my dad, who didn't give me even 5 seconds to wake up before barking orders at me to clean the septic tank screen, because it was clogged, but he needed to go to work. Conveniently, he'd already had a shower and "didn't notice" the gurgling toilet until he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 94

By lonelynessinCA - 14/03/2011 18:31 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 963

You deserved it 9 764

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 142

By anonymous - 05/01/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he leaned back, laughed and said, "Wow. You're growing a mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 7 547

By ckatia - 30/08/2016 09:29 - France - Paris

Today, my eyesight is getting terrible. I saw a white cat in front of my house, so I went up to it. To my delight it didn’t move, so I bent down to stroke it. Wrong call, it was a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 711

You deserved it 2 199

By chamberpottime - 16/12/2015 08:58 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 149

You deserved it 1 480

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Top comments

lovelyred 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:29

lol way to fuck yourself over.

H05T1L3 5

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:37

it sucks i had stright A's until this :/ and why is this not showing up in my profile say it got submitted?

dinosaurzgorawrr_fml 3

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:25

aahahah!! whata sped!

FriesWithASideOf 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:29

Dang! Ur Beautiful!

clanceyrocks11 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:29

They are not a sped. Get over yourself.

Cassie17_fml 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:32

@7 W-O-W lol but thats sweet. i hate when guys tell me im hot or sexy cuz i just say thx. but if a guy calls me beautiful i say thank you! :)

ilovenickmyers 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:38

if you where dumb enough to miss your final; you probably wouldn't have passed them in the first place:) juss sayin

FriesWithASideOf 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:38

Actually I was aiming at #1. lol.

seanreddog 4

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:41

Haha tardo

bluebladez 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:46

lol Sean looks like your cats ready for you hahah

seanreddog 4

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:48

lol good one

Cassie17_fml 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:02

@22 yeah i know that. i was just telling my own story

youngrob 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:07

7, not really

dinosaurzgorawrr_fml 3

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:18

dang ur sexi ;)

rosemary1990 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:21

oh well hope u were doing fine in class or u just failed

arxtizrage2010 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:37

ha YDI for being an idiot. Try to look at a calender

Snugglez 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:46

wow that sucks!

tjrocks1294 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:46

agreed #1 is gorgeous and at least it's still the weekend

BenAmazesYou 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:58

1 and 71 are beautiful. And, it's called an alarm? Maybe?

seanreddog 4

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Saturday 5 June 2010 4:31

I was exempt from all my finals except Latin :)

samantha_durano 6

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Saturday 5 June 2010 4:54

#7 I want your lip ring.

comatoast 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 5:26

oh well, you missed your final. you can always get a job flipping burgers for the rest of your life.

porro182 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 7:17

38 dont worry.. his gay lol

beer_tears 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 7:24

Wow, seriously? That's why i'm so nervous around exam time, I set my alarm earlyyy to make sure i'm up way ahead of time so I don't miss it. I sincerely hope you were doing good in that class and can still pass even though you failed your final :/

knibbsy 4

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Saturday 5 June 2010 8:26

I've missed a couple finals and still managed great, I'm in grad school now. If you have to take one for the team and blow the professor, then I suggest you do that sooner than later. To pjmanso, you need to cut down on the FMLs before finals week and do something productive like freshmen girls. Partying is great before the end of the semester. Trust me on this and stick with freshmen chicks, they aren't as easy as sophs/upperclassmen. Giggity.

knibbsy 4

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Saturday 5 June 2010 8:30

^^ *they're much easier than sophs/upperclassmen*

LexSwift 17

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Saturday 5 June 2010 9:28

1- You really are beautiful.

twist_of_fame93 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 9:34

op if only you were smarter than a bag of doorknobs then would it make sense for you to post on fml

samantha_durano 6

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Saturday 5 June 2010 10:27

110: marry me?

andruha1123 5

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Saturday 5 June 2010 11:41

fucking emos....

sarcasticbitch 7

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Saturday 5 June 2010 11:54

#7 dang! ur so emo!

dinosaurzgorawrr_fml 3

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Saturday 5 June 2010 13:22

oh thanks u;)

dinosaurzgorawrr_fml 3

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Saturday 5 June 2010 13:23

awww thank you ;) and to the guys up there^^

dinorawrous 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 18:48

number one is off of Google and if you look closely there's à link on thee bottom .

Freeze_fml 16

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Saturday 5 June 2010 19:06

That's not #1's real picture. Damn new people.

pingpongpickle 8

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Saturday 5 June 2010 22:39

#1 can you please just stop talking you are so freaking annoying and that isn't even you in the pic

GinandJenkem 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 23:32

Yeah, 22's into those losers that look like him. The degradation of white society, your either a wigger, hardworker, or an emotional loser.

rightonlooser 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 23:44

stop flirting on fml losers

rightonlooser 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 23:47

stfu. you guys are lonely fags for flirting on fml

PurpleLlamas 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 6:14

14-i think you're trying to get ppl to call you pretty

dinosaurzgorawrr_fml 3

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Sunday 6 June 2010 15:24

um of course it has a link dumbfuck I'm the one who put it there..and its not on google open up ur eyes

pingpongpickle 8

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 0:50

omfg Dino do u think we are stupid ?

rockerguy73 0

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Friday 24 June 2011 12:25

bow chicka bow wow :)

iMichaela 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 2:26

well that sucks

afatmonkey 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 3:57

What sucks is bringing your dog to the vet when suddenly a homeless man attacks you with a condom full of pennies and steals your dog, which he then eats and gives tha ks to the hobo god. Then you go home and find out that someone broke into your house and stole your tv. And then clogged your toilet.