Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, my boyfriend died. I was crying in my room when I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was my mom coming to comfort me, but instead she yelled and screamed at me for doing the dishes wrong. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
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Top comments
Megalomania_fml 0
It's your moms fault for not telling you about her new boyfriend. I'd do the same.
adjacent 2
Mom: hmm I think its a good idea to let this big burglar looking guy in the house without my childrens knowledge, obviously they'll know its my BF!
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Comments (103)
LexxyLiime 0
win
SirEBC 7
Karrrrrrrllllllll, you can't just hit random people over the head, Kaaarrrrlllll.
pandabeargirl89 0
I love llamas with hats :P
penguinonastairc 0
This is a win.
sky22_fml 7
Whoa! Crap! Lol just be happy he lived...
Blue_Barbie 0
Mama is definitely getting some!!
niggsby 0
Karlllllll that KILLS people!
tallybear1403 0
Its not nice to copy dude
talktomandybaby 8
its okay,i would have done the same thing:) react before you speak, lol.
wolve86 0
thats what he gets for being a fat and thinking he can just help himself to the food in your fridge... I mean you havnt even been introduced so I think its a little early for the "help yourself to anything in our fridge" stage.
taradeborde87 3
Technically, it's the mom's fridge...so she could tell him to help himself, since she probably paid for all the food in it, too!
cdog702 0
dude u did the right thing cause nowa days u dont know wth is going on and if i woulda saw a guy i didnt know in my house i woulda did the same and he legally cant sue u cause u didnt know who he was and 2) its leagal to defend ur self with a intruder in ur house
cryssycakesx3 23
oh stop.
FerrariCake 2
How frequently does your mom bring home a new boyfriend?
sourgirl101 29
Did you knock him out cold? Because, if he was a thief, he would have killed you.