Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, my boyfriend died. I was crying in my room when I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was my mom coming to comfort me, but instead she yelled and screamed at me for doing the dishes wrong. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
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Top comments
Megalomania_fml 0
It's your moms fault for not telling you about her new boyfriend. I'd do the same.
adjacent 2
Mom: hmm I think its a good idea to let this big burglar looking guy in the house without my childrens knowledge, obviously they'll know its my BF!
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Comments (103)
ScrabbleBabe2010 0
Ferrari I was wondering the same thing...Usually in cases of divorce there are rules that parents cannot have opposite sexed overnight guests when the children are home. If the guy has not even been around long enough to meet the kids then that is just sad and not the poor kid's fault. What if this guy IS a weirdo? There is a good reason to be careful and slow about bringing people around your kids or having sleepovers so quickly with new people like this situation, it just sets a bad example
bnwranbo 2
I was going to go off on a tangent about how off your post is, but I decided that it's not worth my time to type it all out.
feralphoenix 4
you sound like one of those old woman who have not been laid in years and feel like controlling every little thing..
nicole1784 0
he could have been picking her up, or dropping her off it wasn't necessarily an overnight.
pokopiko 9
60- spot on.
heart_aussie_fml 20
Might've been you subconscious expressing itself ! LOL
HAyourfunny 0
well I guess that sounds like a personal problem for your mom's bf lol
mikkelkarn 0
fyl :o
Dr_Pepper_fml 3
LMAO.
EvilSpirt 5
I would have done tht too. Even If I already knew who it wuz
jewels1877 0
Lmfao. I'd still do that to my mom's boyfriend, even though he's been living with us for like ever.. It's funny to hurt him :D
taradeborde87 3
Grow up! Or move out.
aboutpar 0
Don't feel bad. After all, he's doing your mom.
dayday14_fml 4
id do the same..
Hidan_fml 0
**** him.
sabrinaacrow 26
I think that's what his mum is planning to do