Animals: Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong... - FML

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 699

You deserved it 2 513

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 152

You deserved it 3 984

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 814

You deserved it 5 370

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 150

By dre_bro11 - 06/11/2011 12:17 - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 059

You deserved it 12 473

By dirtbikeguy - 23/07/2015 13:05 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 192

You deserved it 1 985

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 75

Hmmmm, breakfast

By Spiderchick - 26/09/2019 12:00 - Germany

Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 123

Tasty snack

By spiderinmylips - 24/06/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 115

You deserved it 7 490

By HighasaCloud - 10/12/2016 02:38

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 632

You deserved it 766

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 316

You deserved it 7 643

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Top comments

Domonator 16

Friday 19 February 2010 16:32

Spider: Today I was taking a walk, minding my own business, when a heartless giant bit my leg off. FML

lexuality 0

Friday 19 February 2010 16:06

euuuuuuurrrrggghhh. i had a friend who had the same experiance. gross. fyl.

Comments

brycehazen 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 23:57

people eat an average of seven spiders in their life... yumm protien

Aah_Zombies 0

Sunday 21 February 2010 9:46

Pretty sure the average person eats about 10 spiders in their lifetime. Too bad you woke up with the remnants of one on your face. If I were you I'd have relocated to another room, 'cause that's a terribly disturbing thing to think of while trying to fall asleep.

biabia_fml 0

Tuesday 23 February 2010 0:48

the AVERAGE PERSON EATS LIKE 314567845454.05 SPIDERS IN THEIR LIFE TIME THANKS it's totally been proven by like some kid of statistics k bye. LOL i love how the numbers always jump too haha!

theJmonster 0

Tuesday 23 February 2010 6:24

ok, seriously. someone has to start monitoring these aussies.

Thegoobers 0

Tuesday 23 February 2010 10:47

Eww fyl

RockMaterial 9

Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:21

on average people swallow about 4-5 spiders a year in sleep unknowingly.

aws10t 0

Wednesday 28 April 2010 4:34

ive got some really bad aracnaphobia... now im 10x more paranoid

Lauren10102 3

Saturday 16 October 2010 21:13

i would die pn the spot

desser627 0

Tuesday 9 November 2010 13:30

nom nom nom :V

d0gl0ver16 0

Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:14

EWW!! Start brushing your teeth!!

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The Top

Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 396

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 528

You deserved it 30 075

The Top

Today, I was trying to exercise to lose weight but I got terrible bloating. Turns out that’s a common response, because the body thinks it’s being stressed. This is right after being diagnosed with allergies to some vegetables. I’m trying to be healthy, I swear. My body won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 95

Today, my boyfriend told me about a girl who he loved a few years ago. He said, "She was extremely beautiful, and I fell for her for a long time. But it's like with universities, everyone wants to study at Harvard but finally ends up in a regular university that they can afford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 115

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 46

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 95

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 790

You deserved it 3 696

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 588

You deserved it 40 558