Morning, Spiders, Surprise and Scary: Top o' the mornin' to ya

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 78

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Same thing different taste

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 028

You deserved it 2 643

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 704

You deserved it 2 519

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 666

You deserved it 261

By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 158

You deserved it 3 985

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 09:04 - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 461

You deserved it 2 650

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 822

You deserved it 5 381

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 160

By Steffi3 - 14/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 69

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 3 359

The fear

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I was going through my Facebook feed when I saw a post of a man being wheeled to the emergency room with a spider stuck in their ear. The post has me scared enough to want to sleep with earplugs. I'm a 37 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 136

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 30 July 2022 0:49

Ask the girl who is afraid of mice to get it out. She's ok with spiders. I hope you two live close to each other.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Saturday 30 July 2022 5:08

And you probably won't sleep tonight either wondering if it laid eggs there.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 30 July 2022 0:49

Ask the girl who is afraid of mice to get it out. She's ok with spiders. I hope you two live close to each other.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Saturday 30 July 2022 5:08

And you probably won't sleep tonight either wondering if it laid eggs there.

CoyoteOldOne 17

Sunday 31 July 2022 4:19

If it did, I'm raising them to be more responsible than their mom.

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The Top

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 148

You deserved it 6 979

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 973

You deserved it 2 303

The Top

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. I arrived early and waited for him for over an hour. When he finally showed up, he was wearing the exact same outfit as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 200

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 648

You deserved it 3 185

Today, I realized my girlfriend was taking my pain meds from my shoulder surgery. She says it shouldn't hurt after 2 days. I don't have any left and can't get a refill for a week. She took them just for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 062

You deserved it 446

Today, my girlfriend invited me over because her husband was going to work. That bastard picked the PERFECT day to have the stomach flu and call out of work to come back home. I had to hide in the closet naked with blue balls for three hours until he fell asleep so I could sneak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 1 657

Today, my enjoyment of popping bubble wrap was yet again ruined by my excessive OCD tendencies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 656

You deserved it 5 775

Today, I found out why DnD is recommended for ages 13 and up. I ran a kids' session supposed to be for ages 12-16, but a few younger ones turned up. It took them an hour and a half to kill 3 zombies, and then they wanted to go on a murder rampage through the town. I'm secretly hoping they don't turn up next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 292

Top o' the mornin' to ya

Same thing different taste

Juicy breakfast

The fear

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