Intimacy: Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting...

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 710

You deserved it 12 049

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 226

You deserved it 2 537

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 862

You deserved it 4 045

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 392

You deserved it 66 780

Catching up

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 23:01

Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 270

Check this out

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 873

You deserved it 4 544

By >{%£•¥ - 27/11/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 071

You deserved it 4 155

Great expectations

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 08:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 392

By ugh - 28/04/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 974

You deserved it 57 469

By Whatever479 - 17/02/2011 17:29 - Ireland

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 735

You deserved it 37 715

By SterlingSilver91 - 03/09/2011 23:49 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 184

You deserved it 42 725

Crackandcheese 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 6:30

If he pays that much attention to your ass? You may have a secret Butt Pirate on your hands, dude.

Kat_MS 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 8:25

#7 How do you correlate pimples with being fat? Sorry I don't see the connection.

Comments

Crackandcheese 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 6:30

If he pays that much attention to your ass? You may have a secret Butt Pirate on your hands, dude.

WholeLottaMilka 0

Saturday 26 February 2011 6:19

lmao crackandcheese secret butt pirate?xD haha stay awesome!

laylay33 6

Saturday 1 December 2012 4:31

That's actually kinda nasty and I agree with your crush!!

Kat_MS 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 8:25

#7 How do you correlate pimples with being fat? Sorry I don't see the connection.

d_dh2310 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 9:06

aww i'm sorry, i've had a pimple there before and it's awkward! don't let him judge you for THAT.. seriously?! he's an asshole, try to get over him as fast as you can.

taraaa_fml 4

Saturday 21 February 2009 9:20

why were you ******* a 4 year old?

Kat_MS 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 10:24

Lol #14 L2read. Its clearly someone they've had a crush on for 4 years. Where does it say 4 year old?

mariasaur 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 14:31

Lolol, #11 they said that their partner was a guy, so I am assuming that the poster is a girl. Maybe a gay guy, but I doubt it. He is an asshole, but maybe take his advice?

liveitlearnit 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 21:04

tons of girls get pimples on their asses. don't worry about him. a guy like that isn't worthy of your acne.

crazycar 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 3:11

Assne sucks. I've had one or two. And who says he hit it from the back. Maybe he felt it on her has during foreplay. But still, **** that dude in the goat ass! You don't need or want someone so immature.