Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh
unknown_user5566 27
Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.
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Comments (118)
liquid_sasquatch 10
Did you find a razor? Shaving it make it look bigger =]
MillerBeerTime 5
Damn what did you drink
kittenvks 11
Not really what exactly, but how much?
wildsweetchild 19
If you're rubbing it in good enough, it works ;)
Shrouds 14
Next time try chocolate syrup, im sure something big will happen then.
unknown_user5566 27
Chocolate syrup? Kinky.
Killuhk 8
Don't forget the whipped cream!!!!! :)
Grimmerie 31
Can you say "yeast infection"? (before everyone flips out, dudes get them too!)
unknown_user5566 27
Well OP, YDI. That's the price you pay for having too much fun. :) I've done many, many stupid things while intoxicated. PS- I heard bed bugs assist in the growth of boobs, maybe it'll work for your penis?
RakeyLeafyMooMoo 5
What in the world were you in?
unknown_user5566 27
An empty bathtub.
The_CL0GGER 0
I bet you got off all charges.
perdix 31
It only works if someone else does the rubbing, and focuses her effort on the penile region. The good news is that any liquid works, even spit;)
hateevryone 15
Lmao well did it increase?
firefighterjohn 9
this why I love being sober shit like this story is way funnier then being drunk