Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh
unknown_user5566 27
Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.
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Comments (118)
Bigbrodza 3
"Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking.." YDI.
jeremy4719 0
I've been tore up before, but never that bad!! Wtf! lol
Rainbowbright99 4
Next time you get wasted rub conditioner all over your body and cry that you just wish it would shrink.
jwbfml 11
Thank goodness you weren't in a garden or you would've used Miracle Grow.
adrianocolangelo 0
your supposed to use lotion for that or is that for jerking off???
Rainbowbright99 4
No, you need to use sunless tanner to jerk-off. It increases the average time of the O. I hear it feels as good as a BJ.
karen1991 15
.....did it work?
sam4546 1
At least you have the excuse of being hammered...
fknprincess94 0
Sounds fun haha
Zacham 5
you get what you deserve, even high off your rocker that is ****** retarded.