Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I had a very hot sex dream about my female coworker. It was so good I woke up practically rock hard, jerked off, and had an amazing orgasm. There’s just one problem: I’m a gay guy, in a committed relationship. FML
Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
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Top comments
rldostie 19
Maybe you're not as straight as you think.
JessieMongoose 11
LMAO.
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Comments (146)
Judus_beej 0
at least it wasn't Jesse "the body" ventura.
DeathHead 0
Please dont reproduce. The world doesn't need anymore people with your genes infecting it.
rayquaza5000 4
"Come with me if you want to live!" LOL.
LoonyLuna123 0
that's not as bad as my dream about my really straight friend that i had last night... that dream made NO sense
yourstruly21 0
you probably just really admire him
Your_Cute 0
ahahahaha fml needs a lmao button!
agirlnamedlogan 5
This is probably the funniest FML I have ever read
lalaroo 0
Try dreaming that you, a teenage girl, as Schwarzenegger, and on a romantic date with an old man. Then things get interesting when Pavarotti joins in. My subconscious has its obscure moments too.
AceArctic 4
When I watch the Terminator my excitement dies when his little red light goes out at the end and he doesn't get to kill those people. So sad... :'(
gemini_capri 0
Hi timothy! Only you would have a dream such as this!