Today, I went with my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's house party. She got incredibly drunk and I spent the whole night looking after her when she was throwing up. In the brief moment before she passed out she said "thanks Matt, you're a great boyfriend." Matt is her ex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
God I hate that excuse. It is NOT a truth serum. It does leave you a little uninhibited and you can sometimes say truthful things, but if you take everything a drunk person says a "the whole truth" or whatever you are clearly a moron. Alcohol in my experience makes people mix things up more than it is a "truth serum." I would guess that she said "Matt" more because it was his party, and less because she still has feelings for him. Is there a possibility she does? Sure, but I wouldn't bet on it. /rant
kayceesaysfyl 0
you shoulda left her then and there
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Comments (94)
GreenAlbatross 3
Stupid minds spew reality's lies.
TheKitsune 0
It was a slip of the tongue. Sometimes completely sober I accidentally call my current boyfriend by my ex's name. He was a big part of her life and she probably didn't realize her mistake. Give her a chance instead of jumping to bad conclusions.
_THE_MASTER_ 0
boo-frickity-hoo... she was drunk as hell, evidently. go get your big boy shorts on and stop crying. if it bugs you that much that she made a drunken error, break up with her and look for someone who either never makes mistakes ever or doesn't drink. dumbass.
sicko09 0
my girlfriend broke up with me, and the other guy she sorta likes she has called him my name a couple times and he would cry about it LMAO
swimmer14 0
haha why would you go to your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's party anyways???
chelseadaggers 0
moan the brummies =]
cadetxtemprencex 0
so lemme get this straight... this chick not only brought you to her ex-boyfriend's house party, but ALSO got ridiculously drunk at the same time? that's lyk a double whammy of suckiness.... fyl because i think u were just trying to be sweet and supportive by going to the party, but honestly, unless ur friends with the guy, she was trying to make her ex jealous. sorry sweetie. and the drunk part? that must be a turn off. honestly. she may not have feelings for him but considering everything else, she still doesn't sound lyk the greatest girl.
Paige_Nicole10 0
seriously? stop whining, people do it all the time, especially if their shit faced.. i mean i even do it sober, especially if their name begins with the same letter or sounds simmilar. i mean once i even called the deck (of cards of course lOl) the dick, drunk times..
sunday13 0
TMO (time to move on)
N3VVRmiNd 0
That really sucks. you sound like a great guy. Don't fret too much. She was, after all, drunk.