Money: Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came...

By This Guy - 26/09/2011 17:18 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 359

You deserved it 2 520

Money

Vulture

Batman

Being multilingual sucks sometimes

By it's just hair - 15/02/2018 19:00

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler's" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 936

You deserved it 730

By The Rock's arse - 04/07/2014 20:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 103

You deserved it 7 400

By Anonymous - 20/08/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 756

You deserved it 66 857

Reset my life

By Username - 17/05/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 073

You deserved it 8 677

By Anonymoose - 25/12/2011 11:39 - Switzerland

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 613

You deserved it 55 383

Irrational

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 11:10 - France - Brunoy

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 088

You deserved it 1 443

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 89

Empathy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 23:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 116

By ithinkicanmakeit - 20/08/2014 17:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 263

You deserved it 3 495

By smellymcgee - 25/06/2016 17:21 - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 390

You deserved it 778

By anonymous - 30/01/2013 10:13 - United States - Richardson

Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 492

You deserved it 60 123

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 04:21 - United States - Erie

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 117

You deserved it 7 327

By Fatality - 28/10/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 915

You deserved it 30 830

By effedfosh - 07/04/2009 04:53 - Canada

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 512

You deserved it 8 806

By Dale - 21/02/2009 02:20 - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 433

You deserved it 4 150

Rampage

By emmalou - 16/09/2021 08:01

Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 95

By BARF - 27/04/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 494

You deserved it 130 170

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 394

You deserved it 4 461

By Marcus - 20/01/2019 18:00

Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 264

You deserved it 878

By disappointed dad - 19/05/2013 07:35 - United States

Today, the couch I bought a week ago was delivered. I don't know which is worse: my son being the one to point out it's been "used", or that he used a black light to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 762

You deserved it 4 878

By jhftrainer23 - 05/08/2011 14:42 - United States

Today, the woman I'm training at work asked, while staring intently at the keyboard, "now, which one of these buttons is the space-bar again?" She is 80 years old, types about 1 word per minute, and I have just one week to get her completely trained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 751

You deserved it 2 847

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 440

You deserved it 3 945

By outplayed - 01/09/2017 16:00

Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 712

You deserved it 2 472

By notinthebutt - 14/06/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 302

You deserved it 64 179

By Lexiebear27 - 19/09/2011 15:56 - United States

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 946

You deserved it 6 793

By Ted - 06/06/2019 18:00

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 441

Mystery woman

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 07:58

Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 85

By ItchItchBaby - 09/09/2017 13:00

Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 047

You deserved it 457

By not jacked - 20/04/2016 11:35 - United States - East Hartford

Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 080

You deserved it 1 541

Honestly?

By a_boring_snuffkin - 16/05/2020 02:00

Today, my friend needed to talk out bad feelings. Then she urged me to open up as well. I hate doing it, but it only seemed fair, so I confessed my deep insecurities. Not only did she agree with everything, but she also helpfully added that I'm boring, have no life and all my dreams are unattainable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 171

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 865

You deserved it 2 683

By me - 21/08/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 190

You deserved it 24 088

By Mark Allan - 25/03/2012 16:06 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 186

You deserved it 7 658

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 06:00

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 903

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 20:57 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 263

You deserved it 6 702

By LetsMakeLove - 10/06/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 509

You deserved it 76 735

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 191

You deserved it 31 972

By notgoodenough38 - 27/12/2009 22:34 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 567

You deserved it 3 852

Banana bread?

By Sarah - 11/09/2021 05:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I ordered 3 bananas on Instacart, but actually received 3 overripe bunches of bananas. I don’t know what to do with 18 bananas before they all rot by tomorrow night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 186

By lovethyneighbour - 04/08/2014 00:19 - Australia - Berowra

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 5 517

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

flockz 19

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:36

"by the way, i drive a tank."

Livzii 5

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:36

check the security cameras

whatgoescomes 5

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:36

Umm suck it up

pan1cked 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:38

Not until you pay for it ya dick.

worldcupcheer17 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:39

umm then why don't you pay for it instead?

flockz 19

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:36

"by the way, i drive a tank."

NabbdjuretPerry 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:43

He can put that note up in his ass! What a poor idiot!

kickazz16 15

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:54

Ikr? I'd give it to the police, look up the camera coverage. Trace the bastard and shove that note up his ass! You'll need a lot of cash to fix that booboo :/

SCREAM4meeee 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 23:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

taytoc 10

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 23:24

I'd probably go into absolute rage if this happened to me

kickazz16 15

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 23:25

Hey sorry, what if I was to ram into your house, leave a huge ass hole and just leave a note apologising. Is that okay?

kickazz16 15

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 23:50

I mean scream*

StormfrontX33_fml 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 0:12

Lots of stuff happens at walmart.

EvilPotato 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 0:28

It should have said 'sorry I SMASHED your car.'

daniel1_1 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 1:08

It was FPS Russia...

SCREAM4meeee 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 2:24

aha sarcasm folks :) obv the person's a complete dope and should have left his info.

Klums02 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 3:43

Hey wait a second, there was an FML almost exactly like this....

FMMFL1992 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 4:36

I said I was sorry

fatme2012 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 21:06

At least they apologized!

EvilPotato 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 4:43

130 I killed your father and raped your mother, sorry!

Livzii 5

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:36

check the security cameras

xleanne_aLly 23

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 23:42

OP do what this guy says! Wall-mart is so freaking big now they have cameras that go into 360 angles, I've been in their security room before. Chances are they caught it.

LaydiexSkull 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 0:57

But it won't matter unless they got the license plate and all...do they show that much?

xleanne_aLly 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 3:55

Yes, the footage is very clear. While I was in there the guy was trying to find my friends car...you can see everything man.

J0gby 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 6:33

maybe the op's car got smashed because tey were at walmart???

TeeHee124 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:36

When in the world of FML do people ever write their details?

Feverrotes 15

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 23:05

Ouch, that's going to cost you some money =) (I miss that FML...why did it get deleted?)

Feverrotes 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 3:23

Asking a question on FML is grounds for thumbs down apparently ...

TXjuggalo972 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 5:06

Apparently 0.o

Tiz88 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:37

a polite rebel? jesus what is this world coming to!

tona01 16

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:38

Hey be glad, it was just a bump, imagine what a real crash to your car would be like (yes sarcasm, start voting me down)

Dreamkiller51 5

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:40

Got that right!

tona01 16

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:47

Well after a few minutes i realized how stupid my joke was. So i'm sorry i dropped everyone's IQ a few points with that joke

akallaan 7

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:38

It's only a scratch. Geez, chill out OP. ;)

akallaan 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 2:05

Nobody understands sarcasm do they? Does everyone with a sarcastic comment have to clearly point out "SARCASM ALERT?" I even put a Winky face...

Dreamkiller51 5

Send a private message

Monday 26 September 2011 22:38

I don't see what's the problem if he said he was sorry

Coolguyt2 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 September 2011 1:21

You don't? Really? Well jus so you kno, The problem is that the car's front end is still smashed in even tho an apology was made. The person apologizing doesn't change the fact that the car's front end is still beat to hell. I would forgive the person if they apologized but the damage is still a problem whether they apologize or not