Transportation: Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 91

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 242

11/12/2010 07:40

Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 625

You deserved it 10 619

Commando

Our house, in the middle of our street

Teenagers

05/12/2009 08:44

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 121

You deserved it 31 029

06/03/2010 05:14

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 644

You deserved it 4 799

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 17:00

Today my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 109

Hormonal hell

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 23:02

Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 220

08/07/2009 07:24

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 633

You deserved it 10 437

11/11/2016 02:04

Today, my cousin invited me to an event that would be on Saturday night. The first thing I did after she texted me, was ask my mom if I could go. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 396

You deserved it 2 206

05/06/2009 05:25

Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 622

You deserved it 11 708

14/10/2015 02:01

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 2 327

15/12/2009 04:16

Today, my boyfriend asked me why girls don't have armpit hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 761

You deserved it 6 009

25/12/2012 20:59

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 303

You deserved it 3 029

10/08/2019 16:00

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom. Apparently, my seeking medicinal treatments for my cancer is blasphemous. According to her, I should just pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 100

What's the point?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 19:58

Today, my university required us to set learning goals for each semester and then evaluate them later. And no, the answer, "I want to learn whatever they teach me in the classes I’m taking" isn't permitted. Neither is picking your own classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 134

22/02/2012 16:47

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 187

You deserved it 44 927

19/05/2009 09:21

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 902

You deserved it 4 296

11/03/2015 05:32

Today, my kid made a new friend at school. When I asked her to describe her new friend, she said, "She looks kinda like you, only pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 986

You deserved it 3 297

25/03/2013 14:48

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 867

You deserved it 3 310

16/01/2011 05:20

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 335

You deserved it 4 605

27/04/2019 12:00

Today, I went on my 56th job interview since graduating from college 3 months ago. I am 31 years old and I spent 11 years in college. I only graduated with a Bachelor's Degree after all those years, but I am still not qualified for anything due to how long it took me to complete my degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 1 457

17/11/2014 21:05

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 877

You deserved it 5 721

14/12/2009 05:15

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 212

You deserved it 32 262

20/04/2014 23:24

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 100

You deserved it 5 583

21/07/2011 16:40

Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 605

You deserved it 2 752

01/06/2009 12:32

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 217

You deserved it 5 436

03/09/2012 00:10

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 336

You deserved it 2 740

11/06/2009 04:33

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 073

You deserved it 86 225

Explain yourself

By Embarassed - 13/08/2021 18:01

Today, I received pictures on my phone of my husband leaving a hotel with a young lady. Upon confronting him about it, he told me it was his “twin brother.” When I brought up that he was an only child, he said, "Stop believing shit people tell you unless it’s coming from me" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 86

21/02/2016 01:35

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 943

You deserved it 2 457

10/05/2016 02:27

Today, I took my dogs to the park and sat in the grass while they played. Within the first half hour two male dogs peed on my back. The first owner apologized and gave me a wipe to clean up while the second one had the nerve to tell me "this is why I bring a chair" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 748

You deserved it 1 461

20/09/2016 00:29

Today, after talking to the man whose car I scratched, we agreed that the damages and cost of repair were so low and instead of me paying I just buy him coffee. When I showed up he saw me, decided I was too ugly to have coffee with, and instead demanded full payment in cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 114

You deserved it 1 385

How? Why? What?

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I wore leggings without underwear. When I got in the car after a busy shopping day, I realized that my pubes had poked through the fabric and my bush was on the outside of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 1 859

09/08/2011 00:03

Spicy

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 658

You deserved it 13 475

05/05/2013 19:35

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 835

You deserved it 6 003

Pirate Jim

By maryann - 09/05/2021 02:01

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 312

21/11/2011 06:23

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 692

You deserved it 42 836

08/07/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 240

You deserved it 1 159

30/09/2011 05:01

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 375

You deserved it 3 508

19/01/2015 17:17

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 393

You deserved it 7 166

Whoops

By Anonymous - 31/01/2018 01:30

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my boss's van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 4 744

17/03/2011 01:25

Today, I have no cell phone reception as I am visiting family who lives on the side of a mountain. They told me there was service on top of the mountain, so I hiked up. Only when I got there did I realize I'd left my phone back down at the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 789

You deserved it 45 049

29/10/2009 05:16

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 020

You deserved it 64 164

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Top comments

ThatLooksSticky 16

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:59

never leave a note. never let them find you.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:59

You should've parked somewhere else!

Comments

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:50

@#1 YDI For having a computer.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:55

#3 YDI for being on FML before puberty.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:56

#6 YDI for failing troll school.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:00

hahahaha funny shit

0opsie 6

Saturday 11 December 2010 20:03

An apology isn't going to fix the dent. If you weren't going to leave your contact info so he could arrange for you to pay for it, you should've just driven off.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 22:05

exactly. if you just left a note that said, "sorry I hit you're car, dude" then you're a complete asshole.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 23:55

32- you're a fucking idiot. she was saying "if you left a note then you are a complete asshole" which is also you're not your

0opsie 6

Sunday 12 December 2010 0:03

#42: She was talking about the first "you're" in that sentence, which actually was incorrect.

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Sunday 12 December 2010 2:12

42 You're the fucking idiot.

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Sunday 12 December 2010 2:34

#7 Don't talk to him like that. I'll have to hwip you.

maggiemae1989 0

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Sunday 12 December 2010 7:47

she had the spelling right. it's you're because she was saying you are an asshole. and btw, I'm from Texas.

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Sunday 12 December 2010 7:54

so "sorry I hit you are car, dude" Is correct grammar? hmm.. thanks! I learn something new everyday :)

generalasskicker 12

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Sunday 12 December 2010 8:07

thinking the same thing time to go inform my teachers how wrong they have been

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Sunday 12 December 2010 8:56

win

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Sunday 12 December 2010 11:45

3, YDI for looking like Erik Estrada with those glasses. Lol.

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Sunday 12 December 2010 18:06

85 YDI for trying to be justin bieber.

m0tl3ycru3qwr 0

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Monday 13 December 2010 10:54

#89 YDI for being from Brooklyn

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:47

wow wat a heartless idiot

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:51

I'm on my phone.

glitterfreak10 3

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Saturday 20 October 2012 18:17

And no one cares....

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:53

This is what happens when you're Canadian.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 21:00

Im Canadian.. none of this has ever happened to me, or anyone I know.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 21:17

Well how long have you been living in Canada?

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Saturday 11 December 2010 23:12

19 years.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 23:12

19 years.

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Sunday 12 December 2010 1:22

20 years here. And I'm from BC. I've never seen a key-ed car before... Just not the thing to do here. On the other hand, if you bump into someone, you're obliged to leave your full information and details and pay for the damages, not a cute apology. Especially here in Vancouver where almost everybody drives a BMW or Lexus.

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Sunday 12 December 2010 6:00

i live in british columbia and yes, the car my family owns has been key-ed many times before. it happens here, too.

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Saturday 7 January 2012 9:51

I'm part Canadian and that has absolutely nothing to do with that.

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Monday 11 June 2012 18:16

Pretty sure people key cars everywhere!!!!! Wtf does being Canadian have to do with anything ??!!!!!!!

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Sunday 28 July 2013 13:44

Um not sure... Wondering the same thing!

ThatLooksSticky 16

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:59

never leave a note. never let them find you.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:59

You should've parked somewhere else!

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:11

I think the guy keyed your lip. you should clean that up

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:14

Holy fuck.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:20

haha

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Saturday 11 December 2010 21:13

Picking on a 14 year old. Good job.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 21:57

A 14 year old who might kill us all.

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Sunday 4 September 2016 13:19

Yeah, why the hell wouldn't you move?

ckjacques53198 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:02

I guess you shouldn't have left a note

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:32

Isn't this a repeat? But YDI, be honest unless you want to end up being sued.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:41

Link plz.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:53

I'm not looking through all 800 some odd pages

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:56

Then put a sock in it!

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Friday 20 June 2014 0:40

There should be a badge for getting owned by the FML staff.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:48

nice guys finish last

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:55

Who said it wasn't a she? 0.o