Tumblr - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 55

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 020

Tumblr

By BruisedPride - 10/09/2019 12:00

Today, I fell down concrete stairs trying to plug my computer into an outlet. I now have a twisted ankle, scrape on my elbow and a huge scratch across my laptop. The best part? The outlet wasn't even working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 322

BO Central

Dysfunctional

Unreasonable

22/11/2013 06:20

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 635

You deserved it 3 779

06/07/2011 18:45

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 271

You deserved it 79 562

07/03/2010 10:27

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 480

You deserved it 2 776

31/07/2016 02:14

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 083

You deserved it 1 001

19/09/2013 12:54

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 044

You deserved it 4 008

25/07/2016 14:38

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 603

You deserved it 2 136

26/02/2015 16:18

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 012

You deserved it 5 245

21/06/2014 02:48

Spicy

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 623

You deserved it 16 289

Feeling let down

By Ryan - 27/06/2021 02:01

Today, after my fourth flat tire, I realized that I've had more flat tires in the last 2 years than months in relationships throughout my entire life. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 119

29/05/2013 05:28

Today, I told my boyfriend of ten months that I'm not ready for marriage. A few hours later he proposed at my grandma's 85th birthday party. She cried when I said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 659

You deserved it 11 620

05/05/2015 15:13

Spicy

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 285

You deserved it 5 676

08/01/2009 08:32

Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 319

You deserved it 8 158

09/09/2009 08:57

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 728

You deserved it 4 649

31/12/2009 08:01

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 435

You deserved it 5 680

05/05/2013 23:51

Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 488

You deserved it 44 121

20/10/2010 04:47

Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 892

You deserved it 11 462

10/07/2009 04:08

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 381

You deserved it 19 556

11/07/2009 07:43

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 992

You deserved it 2 774

26/07/2011 03:19

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 490

You deserved it 39 126

In the bag!

By hiccups - 16/05/2021 14:02

Today, I had a job interview. I thought it was going pretty well, until I got the hiccups. The interviewer immediately said, "Yeah, I think we’re done here," and sent me away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 58

09/12/2013 15:10

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 769

You deserved it 3 758

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33

Spicy

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 924

You deserved it 26 298

05/08/2009 16:29

Spicy

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 097

You deserved it 64 922

24/01/2014 12:36

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 938

You deserved it 3 957

27/11/2014 18:51

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 044

You deserved it 3 719

25/07/2012 05:27

Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 551

You deserved it 3 614

22/01/2015 10:40

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 915

You deserved it 2 660

09/07/2016 01:13

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 494

You deserved it 7 973

11/05/2011 17:34

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 480

You deserved it 17 207

02/05/2017 09:00

Today, my dad came to take pictures of me at my track meet. When looking back at the photos, I noticed most of them were zoomed in shots of the girls' butts in their spandex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 870

You deserved it 411

23/05/2009 04:03

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 848

You deserved it 6 855

15/01/2012 03:54

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 2 675

11/09/2014 03:57

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 326

You deserved it 3 257

The system is broke!

By ABD - 15/12/2017 01:30

Today, I found out that when I go on Medicare in January, one of my medicines will go from $45 per month to $3000 for the first month, then $425 per month for the rest of the year. I need this medicine to stay alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 365

You deserved it 338

Some winners…

By brawl y’all - 31/10/2020 09:04

Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 1 041

16/03/2012 18:41

Today, I was on the bus, when the inspector asked to see my ticket. I couldn't find it, and ended up being kicked off the bus while a few of the other passengers jeered at me. I found my ticket on the long walk home, buried in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 820

You deserved it 4 774

13/05/2011 23:07

Spicy

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 274

You deserved it 11 026

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

By Lonely - 05/12/2020 07:58

Today, my only daughter and her boyfriend sat me down for an important talk. I was thrilled, thinking they were engaged or pregnant. They actually wanted to tell me they're moving half way around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 131

13/04/2013 17:26

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 673

You deserved it 108 085

Oh, the sinning

By Liliannn - 23/09/2021 08:00

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m pregnant. This would be joyful news, if the father wasn’t my friend’s soon-to-be husband. I’m one of the bridesmaids at their wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 3 412

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Tuesday 10 September 2019 16:01

I’m sure there’s a completely reasonable explanation for how plugging in your laptop led to you falling down the stairs, but out of context I just can’t imagine how that could happen lol. Glad you’re mostly okay - feel better soon!

jbuckets_404 38

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Thursday 12 September 2019 1:40

Next time perhaps, plug the power cord into the outlet BEFORE doing so to your laptop to avoid damaging it again.... JS.

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Send a private message

Tuesday 10 September 2019 16:01

I’m sure there’s a completely reasonable explanation for how plugging in your laptop led to you falling down the stairs, but out of context I just can’t imagine how that could happen lol. Glad you’re mostly okay - feel better soon!

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 September 2019 20:56

That's got to be the nicest way of saying 'just how the fuck did you manage that? ' I've ever heard🤣🤣🤣

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Thursday 12 September 2019 1:40

Next time perhaps, plug the power cord into the outlet BEFORE doing so to your laptop to avoid damaging it again.... JS.