Work: Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers... - FML

By sonofmilf - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

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Commando

Get the message, dude

Side effects

By Anonymous - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

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By Rachel - United States

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

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By need not know

Still married

Today, while fixing my dad's phone, I saw Tinder installed. He's still married to my mum. FML

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By maybe dead in a day - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Weston

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, campus security called me to let me know a lawnmower crashed into my car. Apparently the guy mowing the lawn lost control. My car wasn't parked by any grass. I need a new bumper. FML

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By brokedad - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

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By chippuh - United States

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

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By fired tomoz - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

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By Ahsan - Pakistan - Multan

Today, I was late for a meeting. The meeting hall door was made of glass, and it said pull, but in my rush, I pushed the door so hard that it shattered into small pieces. FML

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By 2yearsofHotSexThenThis - New Zealand

Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML

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By Mikabe - Sweden

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

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By apple - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

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By Haze - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

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By Anonymous

Fast and Furious

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

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By khaelian - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

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By Loser - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

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By live2dance4ever

Today, I went to attend my summer school class again after being out sick for a week. When I said "Here" during roll call, everyone started cheering and clapping. Apparently, my professor has been badmouthing me while I've been absent for pretending to be sick. I'm sure my grade will be fantastic. FML

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By ewwww - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

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By wtf - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

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By tsardaukar - United States

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

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By Anon - United States - West Jefferson

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

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By - New Zealand

Asshat

Today, my hours at work were slashed due to company wide cut backs. The only coworker unaffected was the asshat who stole my promotion after I'd trained them. FML

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By Kit - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

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By latepayer - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

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By niii - France

Today, as I often do, I had a shag in my old car. I am 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we are still living at our parents' house. FML

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By chestycough - Australia - Belrose

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

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By but why

Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML

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By jessmess - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Hope

Today, I am sitting next to a guy who very clearly has lice crawling on his head. It's a six hour flight. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 02:01

Receptacle

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

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By dreefsa - United States

Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML

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By Ew?Really? - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

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By Anonymous

On yer bike

Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

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By ZAnon - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

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By Marika - United States - San Francisco

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

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By omgwtfsam - United States

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

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By rita

Today, my 10-year-old daughter hid in her closet all day and did not come out. The reason? She didn't want to eat my pot roast. I didn't realize my cooking was that bad. FML

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Top comments

By 24788 | 6

#205723 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:10

Your mom must be a babe.

By neverland_fml | 0

#205729 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:18

Compliment to your mama~Hopefully you got her genes.

COMMENTS

By MiaFleur | 0

#205719 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:07

Haha.
Like in 'The Inbetweeners'.

Reply

Sniper3000 | 0

#975535 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 6:19

op if u look like ur mom then u should be happy lol

Reply

LegitDGK | 0

#1022391 - Monday 7 June 2010 6:30

94 op is male...

Reply

THEsuperMANLYman | 10

#5357641 - Thursday 7 February 2013 3:23

Op, atleast u have a hot girl's number :P

By Limberger | 1

#205721 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:10

The same thing happened to me before, don't worry.

By 24788 | 6

#205723 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:10

Your mom must be a babe.

Reply

glutgyoogle | 6

#4786172 - Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:37

Is your name Stacy? Hahah

Reply

WittyMoron | 22

#6508656 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 20:11

I got this reference

By neverland_fml | 0

#205729 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:18

Compliment to your mama~Hopefully you got her genes.

Reply

MuziKMajoR | 5

#3155939 - Monday 22 August 2011 3:12

Bjg

Reply

Parky03 | 9

#5093037 - Monday 29 October 2012 7:36

Hopefully the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
-corrected

By mad_molly | 0

#205730 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:18

Score, you got a hot mum!

By Blanadestroyer | 0

#205744 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:24

MILF !!! MILF !!! MILF !!! MILF !!! MILF !!! MILF !!! MILF !!! MILF !!!

Reply

crystalxa | 35

#5930707 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 17:44

There is nothing wrong with having a hot mom!

By Cheatx | 0

#205756 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:31

This is not a FML if you managed to get the hot girl's number.

By hk_fml | 9

#205769 - Sunday 17 May 2009 12:54

xD It's not an FML!
So what, you've got a pretty mom ._.

By Curtieeeez | 0

#205781 - Sunday 17 May 2009 13:01

LOL #7! XD

By um_duh | 0

#205788 - Sunday 17 May 2009 13:08

You have a hot mama - be proud!