Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
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Top comments
pabj208 23
Lock the door if you're doing weird shit (literally)
Koalax3 18
That's the kind of story that you can mention to your grandkids 60 years later over eggnog
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Comments (73)
kirasant 19
Rather than risk embarrassment, bodily injury, and property damage, OP should just put something under his feet next time. Just putting the bathroom garbage can on it's side in front of the toilet is generally enough to lift your knees up and get you into a squatting position.
FitFriday 32
Sounds like you have done this before
writerchic85 26
Who just walks into a closed bathroom without knocking?
drosek89 20
That is not how you squat.........
Migole 36
I really don't get all of those "are you too stupid to lock the door?" comments :S Have none of you ever seen a door without a lock? like seriously? Also it's usually standard practice to knock if the door is closed, lock or not, especially when you have guests over. Saying op is at fault here when you don't even know if there was a lock is just ridiculous
Catlover1130 14
That would be a hilarious story to tell for years to come. Don't think you're gonna live that one down for awhile.
S1N9UL4R17Y 8
What? Doesn't everyone poop like that?
inolongercare 19
Why did you not lock the door?! And why did he not knock?!
rebamoo 14
Less animals, more fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes!!! That sucks but YDI for not locking the door.
5FDPmetalhead 17
You should've made owl noises
neethukay 12
It'll make the list of great family reunion storues