Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
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Top comments
pabj208 23
Lock the door if you're doing weird shit (literally)
Koalax3 18
That's the kind of story that you can mention to your grandkids 60 years later over eggnog
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Comments (73)
RabbitOfAurora 28
I had this problem not too long ago OP, I was constipated due to medication I'd been prescribed. Remember to drink enough water and look up on YouTube how to properly do a colonic massage. I went from not pooping in five days to pooping five times in twelve hours. They weren't small poops either.
FitFriday 32
TMI
worldclassrager 41
Door locks are a wonderful thing...were you using a dual excess bathroom? Or did he just decide to walk in or something?
LtBrenton 16
Tell me.... Why'd you have to go and make me all constipated?
Ava_Darkflame 26
Guys, some people don't have a lock on their bathroom door. My neighbor doesn't even have a bathroom door, their temperamental teenage daughter kicked it down. OP's case is maybe they don't have a lock.
derangedgumball 1
You went to the bathroom and din't bother to lock the door... ydi.
DA3Z 16
Hawkward!
CliffyB03 28
Woo doesn't knock before entering a closed bathroom door?
thelazytree9 16
Are you really that dumb not to lock the door?
Krypt1c 11
Just from a quick glance through the comments, I'd say 1 out of every 10 people will consider that the door may not have had a lock.
Hop6e 22
My advice would be to try vey freaking hard to hold it next time and rush home if it's an option so you're not constipated there to begin with. Because that in itself sounds sucky. Look on the bright side though if her dad likes you? He'll either be too embarrassed to say anything or he'll never let you live it down and you'll become owl man! Lol sorry hun