Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
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Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
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Top comments
pabj208 23
Lock the door if you're doing weird shit (literally)
Koalax3 18
That's the kind of story that you can mention to your grandkids 60 years later over eggnog
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Comments (73)
Witchylady 18
Why on earth would you squat on top of the toilet seat.
danimal_crackerz 26
This needs a follow up of his reaction..
acrochick27 15
At least you're a dude... Tbh if a guy walked in on a girl instead of a dude on a dude, it would be more awkward and since girls are a bit less silly...strange(er)
Guythatsepic 14
Hoo-dini!
preggoeggo68 10
I'll never understand guys. I only poop in my own home. You people just poop wherever you want. Must be a guy thing you already just pee wherever you want, the world is your bathroom right? Ridiculous. Poop at home next time
fader48080 10
YOU'RE IN TOO DEEP! JUST HOOT AND FLAP YOUR ARMS AT HIM.
nomrana 14
hoot goes there!?
Idahome 6
LOCK THE EFFING DOOR!!!!
THEDARKLORDOFALL 17
Do...do doors not lock where you're from?
THEDUDE1553566 24
If it was taking that much effort to go, you didn't have a big enough urge and should have stopped trying