Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
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Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
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Top comments
pabj208 23
Lock the door if you're doing weird shit (literally)
Koalax3 18
That's the kind of story that you can mention to your grandkids 60 years later over eggnog
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Comments (73)
skyttlz 32
Some doors don't lock. In my house none of the bedrooms or the bathroom have locks.
rebamoo 14
That's a pretty dumb design. I think it would be worth the investment to buy new door knobs with locks.
Captain_Debilos_fml 13
When you are constipated, it's better not to force out. Try to swallow a few tablespoons of olive oil, it can help. Considering it can take hours, I wouldn't have dared pushing in a bathroom without lock.
EPIKxPANDA 13
Usually if the bathroom door is shut, I knock to make sure no one is in there, but I don't know how I would react if I saw someone doing what you did..
Fas4wd 13
Lock??
idxntgiveafxck 17
Awkward
dideldoodles 17
Wait, were you literally squatting ON the toilet?
RickiRose 9
What's wrong with the dad? Whoever in their right mind just opens a closed bathroom door without knocking? Especially if you have company! How rude
Guru_Gal 12
Next time, lock the bathroom door. Any bathroom without a lock is just weird (unless it's broken). It's surprising how many posts on here involve an unlocked bathroom door.
LazyLion 12
Here is a golden opportunity Now every single time you are over at their house don't sit Instead perch yourself Let the mind **** begin
pete9913 23
Even if you were shutting normal, shouldn't you lock the door? plus. couldn't you have waited til you got home to try that?