Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
obviously the spray has to come in contact with every inch of your skin or it won't "tan" that area....
Freeze_fml 16
People like you are the reason we have warning labels on coffee cups.
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Comments (354)
starsbAby 2
...no...I was annoyed because everything u guys were saying was pointless because it didn't benifit anything and did no good...but now it's over. thank god lol
amandalovesyou 0
lmfao. Would you like me to start a new debate?
starsbAby 2
NO THANK YOU
knibbsy 4
I'm gonna start a new debate. About when one should and shouldn't use the "reply" feature. I think you should be clicking reply. All in favor?
SeanFredrick 3
aye
Granddragon 0
HELL NAY!
Trollz4daLULZ 1
I hereby introduce a motion to suppress your debate, and re-introduce debating fatties. Resolved: that all fatties are disgusting and need to stop stuffing their gaping maws with that 5th ******* cheeseburger.
Granddragon 0
I present a motion that all fatties should be tied to a treadmill with a leash and forced to walk. (idea for a show, the fattie whisperer)
PSyesinthatway 0
What do you mean you "guess" nobody mentioned it? they either mean did or did not to the extent of your knowledge.
starsbAby 2
Ps:how do u put a picture up?
amandalovesyou 0
go to fmylife.com on your computer
starsbAby 2
I'm on an iPod...does it have to be a computer?
illmatic2 16
You should also learn how to use the reply button. It's the little arrow type thing in the corner of every comment.
starsbAby 2
thanks (:
illmatic2 16
No problem and yes, it has to be done on a computer.
starsbAby 2
great. It's 4:30 a.m. I'll do it later aha
starsbAby 2
ps:how the hell are you holding something on fire?
illmatic2 16
I only held it for like 2 seconds. It was kinda scary.
knibbsy 4
starsbAby, please refer to comment 189 above. The fat cat, illmatic, and I have unanimously voted you must begin using the reply button. Failure to comply will result in internal bleeding, prostitution, and a taste for roadkill.
gzat166 0
it's like a Mexican drinking game I played. grab a coal out of the fire, bounce it in your hands say the persons name your playing with and toss it to them. if they drop or you make a bad throw you or they drink :p
PedoBearSaysYES 0
it's sad when being overweight is an accepted and defended fact. sure it's tops for cannibals cuz fatties sizzle just right but there is no proper excuse to be fat and being fit IS healthy and correct, not freaking bones but enough muscle density to fill u out. it only takes half an hour a day which u could easily fit in. well... and not fillin ur body w shit. how ever chubby kids are ok... esp BBQ sauce.
SeanFredrick 3
yum
ispitflames 3
sweet baby rays bbq sauce is amazing. i could drink that shit... well maybe
brenduh911 0
haha! EPIC FAIL! haha thnx 4 thee heads uhp' lol c[:
easlehc 0
I simply don't understand how you could see the bits that weren't tanned as they would be under your fat rolls that you were supposed to lift??
brenduh911 0
^^ I agree
zigurl 0
ew