Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
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Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
obviously the spray has to come in contact with every inch of your skin or it won't "tan" that area....
Freeze_fml 16
People like you are the reason we have warning labels on coffee cups.
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Comments (354)
lifesokay255 0
why tan you fat ****? you already look like shit anyway. Give up on life.
nikkkkkki 0
Gosh I hate people that go to saloons to get tans,well not hate but you get my point. They ALL end up looking like ompa lumpas. 1. Get a real tan or 2. Accept that YOU ARE WHITE.
rzbt21 0
ydi for being a fat bitch
CupCakeGirl101 0
then u would have handprints...my advice tan for real!
kxdottt 0
Number 12 has not said one intelligent thing on this entire FML.
kxdottt 0
10 we can tell, because you are slightly orange.
yellowdoor 0
I work at a tanning salon, and legally we can't tell you to lift your rolls. We have to just treat you like a thinner person. It's really gross and sad when really big people want to be sprayed.
Carl_Duker 0
don't you think you should be working on the fat first then your tan next OP?
0xXprincessXx0 0
hell NO, DX
mr_miyagi 0
if youre that fat then your first priority for looking good shouldnt be your tan