Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and...

By Sovekipisse - 15/6/2013 22:24 - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

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Love

Relationships sink

Don't give up

Weird kid

By lily - 30/8/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

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By hello - 11/7/2010 00:57 - Jordan

Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended to be busy texting the whole time. I don't know what's worse, that I'm not close to anyone in my family, or that I have no one close enough to text to about such things. FML

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By BX - 17/10/2015 12:09 - Netherlands

Today, I found out the hard way that if you spontaneously begin to lose weight, you may have cancer, not an increased metabolism. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 00:01

A Different Kind of Tension

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 20:00 - Australia

Itchy and Scratchy

Today, I put a collar on my dog to get rid of his fleas. Good news? He doesn't have fleas anymore. Bad news? They've moved onto the rest of my family. FML

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By mom - 26/1/2014 04:29 - United States - Spring

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 15:55 - United States - Amsterdam

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

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By the fish - 30/1/2019 04:00

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

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By feelinblue - 23/6/2009 11:31 - Australia

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

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By Pooldead - 28/7/2019 04:00 - Germany - Munich

Today, while introducing my girlfriend to my family, everyone told me that she looked exactly like my mother. FML

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By wearashirt - 4/12/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML

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By moorox45 - 16/1/2012 17:10 - United States

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

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By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - 23/11/2013 18:33 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

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By eww657 - 16/12/2009 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

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By Itchy Missy - 10/9/2014 03:38 - United States - Denver

Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

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By Queen_Dread - 4/5/2012 07:19 - United States - Ocean Park

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

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By Awkward... - 29/1/2013 09:40 - United States - Killeen

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

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By Partners - 22/6/2015 19:55 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

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By i fuckin love habaneros - 22/7/2016 19:19 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2012 00:59 - Australia

Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML

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By fmylife - 26/8/2010 10:09 - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

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By Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

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By TahRah - 28/2/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:37 - United States - Conover

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

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By myusofwe - 6/2/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2020 14:00

Eye-bleach please

Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML

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By Anon - 8/4/2013 22:04 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML

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By UniGrad2019 - 26/1/2016 04:54 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, after months of all my friends telling me that the guy whom I was in love with most definitely held feelings for me, I was finally convinced by their words, and with confidence I went and confessed my feelings to him. I was rejected. FML

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By oreosaretoocool - 5/12/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Cardenden

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

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By mcdman - 19/1/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

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By bastard magnet - 2/10/2011 22:14 - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

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By missy - 16/6/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2016 20:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

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By Embarrassed - 6/12/2018 03:00

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

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By Holy Testacles - 17/10/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2019 15:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

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By malebonding - 17/8/2009 13:50 - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

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By Matthew - 9/3/2020 19:00 - United States - Juneau

Not so Karate Kid

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

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By kittyjoe - 8/8/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, while feeling sorry for myself that I can't find a guy, a girl on the talk show I was watching said, "You're never gonna find a guy sitting at home in your jammies with the cat." I'm sitting at home in my jammies with the cat. FML

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Top comments

By BeccaHugs | 17

#5536956 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Maybe he has a thing for uranal . . . um er I mean urinals.

By thenamesbrooksy | 9

#5536942 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Hey take it as a compliment.

Comments

By thenamesbrooksy | 9

#5536942 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Hey take it as a compliment.

Damian95 | 16

#5537000 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:50

Must be blessed.

Doritozilla | 20

#5537022 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:57

so...what's your number? ;)

golden_warrior | 23

#5537030 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:00

24- 911, ask for, "the man"

SWhimsynBubbaS | 14

#5537033 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:01

Blessed, and still a little creeped out. As I was reading, I can honestly say I did not expect OP to be a man. Or for this to happen period. So be proud of your looks OP! Even if they attract strange creepy men...

Iceman225 | 11

#5537057 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:13

that is freaking creepy.

CocaColaPepsi | 13

#5537075 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:31

Creepy but flattering! ;)

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5537189 - Sunday 16 June 2013 8:52

#30, Maybe OP just accidentally waltsed into a gay bar.

fluffycatsdad | 33

#5537411 - Sunday 16 June 2013 14:41

Or waltZed, even.

kaileylovesyew | 4

#5538283 - Monday 17 June 2013 3:31

Or maybe even waltzed!

By Dodopy | 14

#5536943 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Well at least you have a gladder bladder

Pwn17 | 25

#5537013 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:54

Looks like urine a sticky situation.

margojill | 13

#5537118 - Sunday 16 June 2013 7:13

22 you need more likes.

feelingold | 18

#5537176 - Sunday 16 June 2013 8:36

if I read the urine/you're in pun ONE more time on FML...... It's definitely becoming the new "shitty situation"

Angel_Cacey | 7

#5537756 - Sunday 16 June 2013 20:06

He should have turned and peed on him lol

fizz113 | 11

#5537979 - Monday 17 June 2013 0:12

You seem pissed off...

Bcfrmkc816 | 17

#5538498 - Monday 17 June 2013 6:50

Yes he does that's a good oner his is to 22

Bcfrmkc816 | 17

#5538500 - Monday 17 June 2013 6:51

And offer to shake his hand and thank him

By drayloon | 50

#5536947 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:30

I guess he saw sumthin at the urinal he liked...

hurtandabused | 7

#5537498 - Sunday 16 June 2013 16:14

Look him back the same way but frown n say sorry but hell no

By kurodansei | 16

#5536955 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Give ot to him. Tell him what he did later. could be funny later.

biggestfan23 | 11

#5536982 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:41

Maybe he's not even gay

kurodansei | 16

#5537071 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:29

Thats what would make it funny.

By BeccaHugs | 17

#5536956 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Maybe he has a thing for uranal . . . um er I mean urinals.

Zaros_fml | 24

#5719010 - Thursday 17 October 2013 0:27

I almost thumbed this down...then it dawned on me.

By cjgirl | 15

#5536962 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:34

I guess he liked what he saw... Take it as a compliment.

By Flowtastic | 16

#5536967 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:35

What type of bar was it? That's the major difference between a FYL and YDi

flashback.miss | 28

#5536970 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:36

A gay bar, perhaps?

Flowtastic | 16

#5536985 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:41

What song is that from? ;-)

cristy91 | 33

#5537191 - Sunday 16 June 2013 8:55

Maybe it's my prudent nature but I wouldn't want to be hit on while I'm taking a piss, even if the person is good looking. Pee time = me time

By LastFalseApology | 9

#5536971 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:36

fyl I hate when that happens

Bobskittens1 | 12

#5537651 - Sunday 16 June 2013 18:35

You act like it happens on a daily basis..

By DocBastard | 38

#5536976 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:38

He violated Men's Restroom Rules #1 AND #2!

1) No talking
2) No looking

Has no one ever taught him etiquette??

DDCA | 24

#5537070 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:29

If you read between the lines, you'd realize those rules don't apply in the bar he was in.

FrankHotpants | 30

#5537100 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:50

And probably #3, the one urinal space.

lolfood | 24

#5537134 - Sunday 16 June 2013 7:41

And, if possible, stay one urinal apart

By golden_warrior | 23

#5536978 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:39

I guess he wants your family jewell