Love: Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and...

By Sovekipisse - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

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Love

Understandable

Triage

Rock, hard place

By Breath of fresh air - 3/8/2020 17:01

Wear your masks

Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML

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By promposer - United States - Dobbs Ferry

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

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By WaltTheFuckDad - United States - Salida

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only female out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

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By screwed - United States

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

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By GuillermoCJ - Mexico

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

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By Al - United States

Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML

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By Becca - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML

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By lily_marleen - United States

Today, we have a fruit fly infestation again because my roommate keeps buying fruit and letting it rot on the counter. Despite the moldy fruit being covered in flies, she insists it's my fault because I left an empty bottle of beer out. FML

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By theunborn - France - Vic-fezensac

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

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By mariokarter - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Loughton

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to fetch our bins after they were collected, only to scare the child that was trying to fit inside our compost bin. Apparently, she's not allowed to play in hers because she already broke two by doing this. These bins are $75 a piece. FML

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By WhyMe - United States

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

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By BroadwayBaby1997 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

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By Female - United States - Montebello

Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML

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By wookieewhosshe

Today, I was informed that my flatmate had not handed his documents in to the new landlord like he'd told me. We are due to move to a new area tomorrow for the new job that I start in 4 days. Now we can't move for another week. Anyone have a spare couch? FML

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By coffeewench

Today, while I was reading in a park, a drunk bum started talking to me. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, he said, "You're really pretty, and you have nice eyes, but you have chubby cheeks. What's up with that? Did you eat a lot of peanuts when you were a kid or something?" FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

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By pool party - United States - Rockford

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

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By workworkwork - United States

Today, after working for over ten years at a dead-end factory line, I told my friends I was going to take some business courses and land myself a real job. All they've done since is laugh, mock me, and say that if Clinton couldn't fix the economy, I have no chance. FML

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By Roy Lawson - United States - Brea

Today, I had to bite the bullet and finally buy maternity pants. Problem is, I'm not pregnant and I'm a 25-year-old man. FML

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By SenorPoopypants

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

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By dickbag - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom hates my grandmother (her mother-in-law) so much that she's trying to guilt me into not visiting her when I come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving in the first place, but my grandmother bought me the plane ticket. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I received my 12th rejection letter for voluntary work, as I don't have enough experience to be paid. I can't even work for free. FML

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By Bechara - Pakistan

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend "Actually, its a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Bored

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML

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By parentalnightmare - United States - Laurel

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML

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By locker - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 14:00

Food porn

Today, I made my boyfriend a vanilla cake for our anniversary. We sat down to eat it and one bite in, my boyfriend gets a weird look on his face. I take a bite and notice that it tastes like corn. I found out later my dad had replaced all the flour with cornmeal without telling anyone. FML

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By alexa - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

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By Mary - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

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By fmlifer - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML

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By Life of the party - France

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a mild allergic reaction from eating pasta salad. I told my mom that I might be allergic to the parsley, since it was the only ingredient that I don't eat often. She made me eat a sprig of it to "make sure." Now my face is covered in hives. FML

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By screwed - Australia - Perth

Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried acupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML

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By Username - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

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Top comments

By BeccaHugs | 17

#5536956 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Maybe he has a thing for uranal . . . um er I mean urinals.

By thenamesbrooksy | 9

#5536942 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Hey take it as a compliment.

COMMENTS

By thenamesbrooksy | 9

#5536942 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Hey take it as a compliment.

Damian95 | 16

#5537000 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:50

Must be blessed.

Doritozilla | 20

#5537022 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:57

so...what's your number? ;)

golden_warrior | 23

#5537030 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:00

24- 911, ask for, "the man"

SWhimsynBubbaS | 14

#5537033 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:01

Blessed, and still a little creeped out. As I was reading, I can honestly say I did not expect OP to be a man. Or for this to happen period. So be proud of your looks OP! Even if they attract strange creepy men...

Iceman225 | 11

#5537057 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:13

that is freaking creepy.

CocaColaPepsi | 13

#5537075 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:31

Creepy but flattering! ;)

garrett1999o3 | 16

#5537189 - Sunday 16 June 2013 8:52

#30, Maybe OP just accidentally waltsed into a gay bar.

fluffycatsdad | 33

#5537411 - Sunday 16 June 2013 14:41

Or waltZed, even.

kaileylovesyew | 4

#5538283 - Monday 17 June 2013 3:31

Or maybe even waltzed!

By Dodopy | 14

#5536943 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Well at least you have a gladder bladder

Pwn17 | 25

#5537013 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:54

Looks like urine a sticky situation.

margojill | 13

#5537118 - Sunday 16 June 2013 7:13

22 you need more likes.

feelingold | 18

#5537176 - Sunday 16 June 2013 8:36

if I read the urine/you're in pun ONE more time on FML...... It's definitely becoming the new "shitty situation"

Angel_Cacey | 7

#5537756 - Sunday 16 June 2013 20:06

He should have turned and peed on him lol

fizz113 | 11

#5537979 - Monday 17 June 2013 0:12

You seem pissed off...

Bcfrmkc816 | 17

#5538498 - Monday 17 June 2013 6:50

Yes he does that's a good oner his is to 22

Bcfrmkc816 | 17

#5538500 - Monday 17 June 2013 6:51

And offer to shake his hand and thank him

By drayloon | 50

#5536947 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:30

I guess he saw sumthin at the urinal he liked...

hurtandabused | 7

#5537498 - Sunday 16 June 2013 16:14

Look him back the same way but frown n say sorry but hell no

By kurodansei | 16

#5536955 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Give ot to him. Tell him what he did later. could be funny later.

biggestfan23 | 11

#5536982 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:41

Maybe he's not even gay

kurodansei | 16

#5537071 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:29

Thats what would make it funny.

By BeccaHugs | 17

#5536956 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Maybe he has a thing for uranal . . . um er I mean urinals.

Zaros_fml | 24

#5719010 - Thursday 17 October 2013 0:27

I almost thumbed this down...then it dawned on me.

By cjgirl | 15

#5536962 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:34

I guess he liked what he saw... Take it as a compliment.

By Flowtastic | 16

#5536967 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:35

What type of bar was it? That's the major difference between a FYL and YDi

flashback.miss | 28

#5536970 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:36

A gay bar, perhaps?

Flowtastic | 16

#5536985 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:41

What song is that from? ;-)

cristy91 | 33

#5537191 - Sunday 16 June 2013 8:55

Maybe it's my prudent nature but I wouldn't want to be hit on while I'm taking a piss, even if the person is good looking. Pee time = me time

By LastFalseApology | 9

#5536971 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:36

fyl I hate when that happens

Bobskittens1 | 12

#5537651 - Sunday 16 June 2013 18:35

You act like it happens on a daily basis..

By DocBastard | 38

#5536976 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:38

He violated Men's Restroom Rules #1 AND #2!

1) No talking
2) No looking

Has no one ever taught him etiquette??

DDCA | 24

#5537070 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:29

If you read between the lines, you'd realize those rules don't apply in the bar he was in.

FrankHotpants | 30

#5537100 - Sunday 16 June 2013 6:50

And probably #3, the one urinal space.

lolfood | 24

#5537134 - Sunday 16 June 2013 7:41

And, if possible, stay one urinal apart

By golden_warrior | 23

#5536978 - Sunday 16 June 2013 5:39

I guess he wants your family jewell