Love: Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and...

By Sovekipisse - 15/06/2013 22:24 - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 311

You deserved it 4 152

Love

Stop talking!

Late term

Landmine

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 21:36 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 000

You deserved it 1 503

By brie - 02/11/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 215

You deserved it 5 876

By mrteacher - 21/08/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 167

You deserved it 47 141

Caring

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:58 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 156

By Creeped - 27/09/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 743

You deserved it 1 799

By thatfatkid - 10/08/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 714

You deserved it 6 680

Fear of mash

By nekos - 02/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mother insists that because I won’t eat my dad’s mashed potatoes, it means I must think he is a bad cook and that I'm a disrespectful little prick. I wouldn’t touch mashed potatoes even if Gordon Ramsay made them, and I was on the brink of starvation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 254

By Eli - 14/01/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 707

You deserved it 3 630

Forward thinker

By youdontknowwho - 10/05/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend took a picture of us together because he wanted to have something to burn when we break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 150

By nomfuck - 09/09/2014 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 511

You deserved it 3 161

By clementine_k - 22/03/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 731

You deserved it 35 595

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 14:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 346

You deserved it 2 165

By shit - 14/12/2010 09:26 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 482

You deserved it 31 255

By squirrel - 09/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading "Protect Your Nuts". My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 857

You deserved it 42 406

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 2 781

The bobs and vagene guy

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 04:01 - Australia

Today, ever since I let my boyfriend touch my boobs, he thinks it's appropriate to grope me whenever he feels like it. Even talking to him about it doesn't seem to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 168

By Harry641 - 23/02/2016 22:53 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 290

You deserved it 1 501

By Anonymous - 20/06/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 885

You deserved it 4 363

By GodDamnFan - 27/05/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 147

You deserved it 5 776

By dullstuff - 21/07/2011 12:34 - Belgium

Today, my bike got stolen because I left my keys in the lock. On my way home, I saw my bike in front of a store, unlocked. I jumped on it, only to get punched in the face by the guy that had taken it, and got it stolen from me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 525

You deserved it 13 882

By kaileekat517 - 21/11/2010 18:36 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 391

You deserved it 3 467

By Dying Son - 05/04/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 170

Valuable member of the team

By Anonymous - 21/11/2021 20:00

Today, I live an hour away from work, and asked my boss if I could work remotely as roads are closed due to a bad storm. He said no, I have to come in or lose a day's pay. I found out he is letting my coworkers work remotely and be paid. I've been with the company for 8+ years; my coworkers have been there ~2.5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 596

You deserved it 8 351

My ex the dumbass

By Anonymous - 10/07/2020 20:02

Today, my long distance boyfriend sent me a Snap of him fucking another girl. When he realized he'd sent it to me, he called me, trying to explain, "it's not what it looks like. It was meant for the boys." Two days ago, I made plans to visit him. Guess who's out money and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 463

You deserved it 182

Fucking Stevie T

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 08:01

Today, I was happy to take a break and do a guitar performance, but my teacher was the rudest ever. He had his guitar at the front row, playing while I was, and he played the song live with me just to confuse me, and ending up ruining the performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 91

Headache

By inpain14 - 13/05/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that one of the reasons I may be getting migraines every day is because I subconsciously clench my jaw a lot due to stress. To try and have it hurt less, I’ve gone back to wearing my plastic retainer during the day, but it makes my gag reflux act up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 07/05/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 797

You deserved it 4 911

By quinndulgent - 29/11/2015 21:10 - United States - West Bend

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12 page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 232

You deserved it 1 952

By Doggy... - 10/11/2011 05:56 - Australia

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 680

You deserved it 9 863

Hint hint

By Lika1712 - 26/08/2014 22:55 - India - Mumbai

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 931

You deserved it 4 637

By Username - 26/07/2010 02:32 - France

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 184

You deserved it 4 873

By Anonyme - 22/06/2016 04:05

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 4 147

By lkvetched - 30/08/2016 17:23 - United States - Palestine

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 893

You deserved it 1 025

Dangleberries

By myeyesburn - 28/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 151

By Trew Love - 03/05/2016 06:25 - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, it's my birthday. I called my mom to thank her for the gift she'd sent. She was surprised and said, "Oh I thought you were waiting to open it." She ended the conversation with, "OK, I'll call you on your birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 029

You deserved it 1 353

Wiped out

By STIgary - 17/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, while at work, I had to poop. While wiping, I somehow managed to get the back tail of my shirt in between my butthole and the toilet paper, effectively wiping my ass with my white dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 248

By callerid - 03/08/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 362

You deserved it 3 762

By Anonymous - 19/02/2012 08:25 - Australia

Today, I got a reply to my Valentine's Day card that I sent to my girlfriend. I'll get the address right next time because her neighbor is really creeping me out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 042

You deserved it 23 626

By innocentbarista - 17/03/2013 19:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 479

You deserved it 2 568

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Top comments

BeccaHugs 17

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Maybe he has a thing for uranal . . . um er I mean urinals.

thenamesbrooksy 9

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Hey take it as a compliment.

thenamesbrooksy 9

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Hey take it as a compliment.

Damian95 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:50

Must be blessed.

Doritozilla 20

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:57

so...what's your number? ;)

golden_warrior 23

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Sunday 16 June 2013 6:00

24- 911, ask for, "the man"

SWhimsynBubbaS 14

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Sunday 16 June 2013 6:01

Blessed, and still a little creeped out. As I was reading, I can honestly say I did not expect OP to be a man. Or for this to happen period. So be proud of your looks OP! Even if they attract strange creepy men...

Iceman225 11

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Sunday 16 June 2013 6:13

that is freaking creepy.

CocaColaPepsi 13

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Sunday 16 June 2013 6:31

Creepy but flattering! ;)

garrett1999o3 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 8:52

#30, Maybe OP just accidentally waltsed into a gay bar.

fluffycatsdad 33

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Sunday 16 June 2013 14:41

Or waltZed, even.

kaileylovesyew 4

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Monday 17 June 2013 3:31

Or maybe even waltzed!

Dodopy 14

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:29

Well at least you have a gladder bladder

Pwn17 25

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:54

Looks like urine a sticky situation.

margojill 13

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Sunday 16 June 2013 7:13

22 you need more likes.

feelingold 18

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Sunday 16 June 2013 8:36

if I read the urine/you're in pun ONE more time on FML...... It's definitely becoming the new "shitty situation"

Angel_Cacey 7

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Sunday 16 June 2013 20:06

He should have turned and peed on him lol

fizz113 11

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Monday 17 June 2013 0:12

You seem pissed off...

Bcfrmkc816 17

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Monday 17 June 2013 6:50

Yes he does that's a good oner his is to 22

Bcfrmkc816 17

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Monday 17 June 2013 6:51

And offer to shake his hand and thank him

drayloon 50

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:30

I guess he saw sumthin at the urinal he liked...

hurtandabused 7

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Sunday 16 June 2013 16:14

Look him back the same way but frown n say sorry but hell no

kurodansei 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Give ot to him. Tell him what he did later. could be funny later.

biggestfan23 11

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:41

Maybe he's not even gay

kurodansei 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 6:29

Thats what would make it funny.

BeccaHugs 17

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:32

Maybe he has a thing for uranal . . . um er I mean urinals.

Zaros_fml 24

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Thursday 17 October 2013 0:27

I almost thumbed this down...then it dawned on me.

cjgirl 15

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:34

I guess he liked what he saw... Take it as a compliment.

Flowtastic 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:35

What type of bar was it? That's the major difference between a FYL and YDi

flashback.miss 28

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:36

A gay bar, perhaps?

Flowtastic 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:41

What song is that from? ;-)

cristy91 33

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Sunday 16 June 2013 8:55

Maybe it's my prudent nature but I wouldn't want to be hit on while I'm taking a piss, even if the person is good looking. Pee time = me time

LastFalseApology 9

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:36

fyl I hate when that happens

Bobskittens1 12

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Sunday 16 June 2013 18:35

You act like it happens on a daily basis..

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:38

He violated Men's Restroom Rules #1 AND #2! 1) No talking 2) No looking Has no one ever taught him etiquette??

DDCA 24

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Sunday 16 June 2013 6:29

If you read between the lines, you'd realize those rules don't apply in the bar he was in.

FrankHotpants 31

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Sunday 16 June 2013 6:50

And probably #3, the one urinal space.

lolfood 24

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Sunday 16 June 2013 7:41

And, if possible, stay one urinal apart

golden_warrior 23

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Sunday 16 June 2013 5:39

I guess he wants your family jewell

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 1 995

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 190

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