Holidays: Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 63

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 33

21/02/2010 10:01

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 692

You deserved it 37 053

Mama's boy

Hiding from the drama

Good boy

26/12/2015 16:54

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 580

You deserved it 1 790

GHOSTS!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 05:01

Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 59

15/12/2010 04:24

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 698

You deserved it 10 126

Brutal

By femmr - 03/09/2021 23:01

Today, I really wanted Anne Hathaway bangs, and let my mom cut my hair. I now look like Patty Farrell from "Diary of a Wimpy Kid". FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 393

24/07/2013 16:05

Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 916

You deserved it 51 892

Outcast

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 21:30

Today, while looking through the newspaper, I saw that my sister got married a couple weeks ago. Not only did she not invite me, she "forgot" to mention it yesterday while we were having lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 71

12/12/2010 06:08

Today, my boyfriend of almost two years proposed to me. Everything was perfect. The ring was beautiful. And seconds after I said yes he went to play his new xbox game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 661

You deserved it 7 978

Big one

By Cnscott0205 - 17/11/2019 14:00

Today, I accidentally touched someone's boobs. It was a man. And I noticed that they were bigger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 240

You tried

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 11:05

Today, I’m a single parent and lately I’ve been working out to get healthier. During a session, I injured my back pretty badly. Now I need help getting out of bed, etc. I just wanted to make sure they wouldn’t ever need to take care of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 70

Cogs in the machine

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 04:01

Today, I was dismissed from my job for my poor absence record. I'd not received any formal warnings, and was dismissed on the spot. My absences were because of my disability. He didn't even ask for medical records. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 111

12/04/2009 07:00

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 460

You deserved it 11 022

05/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found my 5-year-old son prancing around in high heels and cat ears, wearing a thong as a necklace, and waving a riding crop around like a sword. He'd found the box where granny keeps her special outfits that make granddad extra happy on Friday nights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 475

You deserved it 377

24/09/2010 04:53

Today, I finally got everything in order to ask out the girl of my dreams. I bought her a gold necklace, engraved with our names, and with the date on the back. Everything was going great until she got sick and had to go home. Now I'm stuck with this necklace with the wrong date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 638

You deserved it 53 202

01/07/2015 02:21

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 8 790

04/08/2013 03:29

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 126

You deserved it 5 449

Narcissists never unite!

By bntje - 14/04/2013 20:39

Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 597

You deserved it 3 824

15/12/2011 17:30

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 555

You deserved it 5 984

31/10/2014 04:24

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 277

You deserved it 4 115

19/12/2009 15:15

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 283

You deserved it 3 784

26/12/2009 21:45

Today, my mother informed me that I am not allowed to drive in snow. I live in Minnesota. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 258

You deserved it 2 940

23/01/2013 08:33

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 679

You deserved it 3 967

30/03/2011 16:37

Today, I told my crush of two years that I love him. He responded with an, "Aww, I'm sorry." and a pity hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 577

You deserved it 9 874

Losing more than I'll ever have

By Into the darkness - 30/03/2021 21:30

Today, my girlfriend left me. When she moved out, she even took the light bulbs with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 89

21/03/2012 11:46

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 143

You deserved it 3 231

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 02:01

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my parents, who are in their late 50s, having sex. That's not the worst part, it's understandable; we all have needs. However, I walked in on them doing it on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 123

13/12/2011 03:47

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 868

You deserved it 6 436

Can't win, part 15

By Kay Kay - 23/05/2020 05:00

Today, while my parents were grocery shopping, I cleaned the kitchen, swept floors, did laundry, and cleaned bathrooms, only to finish right before they got home. After dinner, my dad bitched and complained that I didn't take out the trash and he had no room to throw away his paper plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 115

15/06/2009 18:11

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 930

You deserved it 4 730

31/01/2012 03:54

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 436

You deserved it 5 343

Dumpy baby

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 18:00

Today, on my birthday, my mother described my birth like a large, painful bowel movement in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 141

20/07/2009 07:07

Today, I had an important powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my mac saying "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 932

You deserved it 10 422

Ah, puppy love…

By Unlovable - 22/07/2019 04:00

Today, I was texting my crush. He wasn’t really into the texts because he was barely replying, until he texted back calling me "baby." I got so excited, I almost cried, until he corrected himself and said that the text wasn’t for me. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 447

16/08/2016 17:34

Today, my boyfriend crashed our car into the car ahead. He was trying to pull away from the traffic lights faster than the person next to us, a ten-year-old kid on a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 613

You deserved it 1 570

Might never happen, love

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 05:02

Today, I was blocked by a girl I like. She said I was mean for not understanding why she hates when people tell her to smile. I worked as a waiter and hated when people told me to smile all the time. Yet I'm the one who doesn't understand, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 271

26/11/2008 04:26

Spicy

Today, as I often do, I had sex in my old car. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we're still living with our parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 115

You deserved it 13 945

05/04/2014 04:04

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 680

You deserved it 3 422

14/08/2010 23:10

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 173

You deserved it 3 743

Physician, heal thyself

By MDpending - 01/11/2019 13:00

Today, just 8 months away from graduating medical school, I successfully diagnosed myself with basal cell carcinoma. At least all that studying is paying off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 122

Alexa, play "Don't Go" by Yazoo

By nexus - 22/09/2021 04:00

Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 138

14/08/2011 10:34

Today, I was at the airport to pick up my mother since my baby is due soon. As she arrived, I smiled wide and opened my arms for a hug, but she walked right by me. Apparently, being pregnant makes me unrecognizable. My husband and I had to tell it her was me, her own daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 156

You deserved it 2 993

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Top comments

IthicaTheDragon 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:05

hehe that's what you get for trying to show off.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:34

Ouch. Must have hurt. Its not really your fault though I'd say, it's natural for people to want to show off. There's nothing wrong with it, if you don't take it too far.

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IthicaTheDragon 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:05

hehe that's what you get for trying to show off.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:09

I was gonna say that...

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:12

^baha winn

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:14

I don't see how he deserved to have the bracket of his ski fall off, even if he was showing off. I do this all of the time when there are slow people up ahead, and I've never broken my skis from it.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:16

YDI for skiing instead of snowboarding Jks i hate when something like this happens...

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Sunday 21 February 2010 18:56

RULE # 8402: Don't show off if you aren't good at it.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 20:12

@29 Having your brackets fall off doesn't mean your bad at skiing.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 20:30

The Nobel prize go'sssss to ......

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Sunday 21 February 2010 21:17

OP and Holybatman, you aren't showing off to anyone. The inexperienced skiers just get startled and lose control, and the responsible experienced skiers just get angry at you for doing such stupid and dangerous things. The only one you're impressing is yourself.

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Monday 22 February 2010 3:21

who the fuck says meters

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Monday 22 February 2010 4:34

Canadians because we use the metric system

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Monday 22 February 2010 5:20

he showed off how bad is was at ski'ing ha

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Monday 22 February 2010 6:35

lol I did that today on my snowboard. it was snowing and I couldn't see but o wanted to show off to these noobs so I was hauling down a pretty bumpy run and just caught my toe edge and did a front roll down the hill. it was sad

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Monday 29 March 2010 5:08

boarderboy15, don't you mean 'metres' lol

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:05

idiot..

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:09

Alright! You're ready now for the Special Olympics!

BigBoii123456 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 17:06

hHahahaha #4

Bewitched_fml 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 17:20

#4 win :D

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Sunday 21 February 2010 22:29

I bet they were real impressed by your new face skiing technique

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Monday 22 February 2010 1:29

win^

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:15

Ouch that got to hurt. But you kind of deserved it in a way... :-/

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:23

not funny or amusing just boring

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:29

you totally deserved that. FAIL

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:34

Ouch. Must have hurt. Its not really your fault though I'd say, it's natural for people to want to show off. There's nothing wrong with it, if you don't take it too far.

yourproblemnow 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:35

lmaoo @ #4 :) OP - that does suck, try not to show off so much next time lol

PurpleSquirrel 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:36

good job?

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:42

Show off = YDI. Skiing is a dangerous sport. You could die or kill someone if you overestimate your skills. Idiot!

Ajjas013 6

Sunday 21 February 2010 19:58

Showing off is a dangerous sport. Skiing is for chumps. Trust me, you haven't seen it until you've seen it through OP's eyes. Like yesterday I ate some mashed potatoes. They changed me.

shadexilmaendu 4

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Monday 13 February 2012 23:55

His ski broke; that's not exaggerating his skills, though it's a bit silly to show off. I ski top speed when the run is open enough because its fun, plain and simple ;p

pepperandroses 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 16:59

YDI for being Canadian.

sugarbabyxoxo 2

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Sunday 21 February 2010 21:34

too bad Canada is the shit! and all the other countries love us... unlike the states hahah which most of th other countries seem to hate.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 21:46

^^ WIN comment^^ Though most Americans wouldn't be able to get that through their thick skulls.

Withired_Away 0

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Monday 22 February 2010 4:37

above comments win. Canada is the shit especially Newfoundland!

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Monday 22 February 2010 23:43

while i don't condone the anti-Canadian comment, i also don't condone the anti-American comment. since we have 10x the population of Canada and immigrants are always hauling ass to the States and NOT CANADA, i'd say there are quite a few countries that like us. You guys up there would be in deep shit without us.

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Friday 3 June 2011 11:47

canada burnt down your white house a while ago cuz you guys picked a fight or summat like dat

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Tuesday 4 December 2012 14:31

You can praisethat