Miscellaneous: Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 47

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 26

31/12/2013 20:11

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 017

You deserved it 10 100

And today, on Dr Phil…

Stop talking!

Commando

Almost right

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 06:01

Today, I told my mom she made me feel unloved my whole life. She called my sister and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 61

06/09/2009 14:21

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 671

You deserved it 6 107

08/06/2009 00:17

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 405

You deserved it 3 808

25/11/2011 08:20

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 052

You deserved it 6 664

08/03/2013 10:51

Today, my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said, "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 292

You deserved it 2 519

07/06/2012 04:02

Spicy

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 679

You deserved it 5 036

02/06/2016 08:04

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 395

You deserved it 677

25/05/2015 16:10

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 367

You deserved it 8 333

09/08/2015 03:10

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 345

You deserved it 2 430

09/07/2009 05:33

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 230

You deserved it 41 963

15/04/2017 12:00

Today, I've learned that when in a job interview at a Japanese company, the words, "Now we would like you to undertake a small Japanese test to check your Japanese level" actually means, "We would like you to gather all your hopes and dreams of you ever working for us, and let them die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 635

You deserved it 617

26/03/2016 05:51

Today, I brought my best painting yet to college. I showed it off and everyone loved it. Or almost everyone. When we came back from lunch break, we found someone had sharpied the words "JIZZ BUTT" all over it. That painting took two weeks to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 435

You deserved it 1 969

31/01/2009 11:48

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 926

You deserved it 89 124

03/06/2016 22:14

Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 449

You deserved it 1 051

31/07/2014 16:24

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 184

You deserved it 7 731

01/05/2009 21:15

Today, I did my laundry in my dorm. After dragging 2 hampers down 4 flights of stairs, my ID card with money on it was rejected. After dragging it back upstairs, I scrounged up enough quarters from friends. 30 minutes after finally starting my laundry, I realized I forgot to add detergent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 713

You deserved it 48 803

06/11/2014 17:14

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 984

You deserved it 9 034

05/09/2014 21:11

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 124

You deserved it 4 549

30/11/2014 20:24

Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 257

You deserved it 3 462

27/03/2013 08:00

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 879

You deserved it 5 973

04/03/2010 11:24

Today, I found out my brother blew chunks into the inside of my jeans. How did I find this out? I put them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 897

You deserved it 2 949

15/09/2012 16:11

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 875

You deserved it 3 816

Nutshot

By DanJames24 - 10/06/2021 21:01

Today, a work colleague was trying to kill a fly that was buzzing around the place. I was about to go on my break, but was stopped because she missed the fly and accidentally whacked me in the balls in the process. By the time I didn’t feel sick anymore, my break was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 62

It's called growing old

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 11:01

Today, I woke up with the nastiest, most brutal hangover ever. I haven't had alcohol in 10 years and I only eat healthy, yet my body craps itself out because… reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 108

Almost done

By Anonymous - 16/01/2020 05:00

Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 381

01/02/2011 18:50

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 840

You deserved it 68 484

12/08/2010 04:00

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 267

You deserved it 4 489

24/04/2013 22:29

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 070

You deserved it 30 279

21/07/2014 15:58

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 763

You deserved it 16 016

Toot toot!

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 10:12

Today, trying to make my 6 year-old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "Toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say, "Daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 035

You deserved it 50 199

30/01/2019 04:00

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 1 266

09/01/2012 06:14

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 215

You deserved it 6 473

12/05/2014 23:49

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 691

You deserved it 7 815

10/01/2009 08:21

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 784

You deserved it 6 186

12/02/2009 13:28

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 110

You deserved it 38 983

Relax!

By still sore - 12/10/2019 19:00

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 165

12/07/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 931

16/02/2009 00:33

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 906

You deserved it 10 564

07/01/2009 21:54

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 878

You deserved it 44 827

07/05/2016 08:00

Today, my train departed over 10 minutes early. It was the last train of the day. I missed my transatlantic flight and along with it the vacation and concert I'd spent over a year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 477

You deserved it 2 691

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 2:48

Fucking "House". I can't watch that goddamned show. Doctors don't do their own pathology, give medicines, start IVs, take X-rays, do angiograms, or run the MRI. [email protected]!% &*#%* £[email protected] "#+*!

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:36

DocBastard has kids, eh?

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:34

The show may be inaccurate, but at least it's somewhat funny.

onlychildFTW 33

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 4:06

Yeah I quite like the show. Though I made the same mistake watching it with a Dr.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 4:28

I once watched a show with my dad, who's a neurosurgeon, that had a medical inaccuracy and he went off about how incorrect it was. It was hilarious, but he had a point because the writing team really needs to do their research, in my opinion!

niallo 23

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 9:04

I'm a nurse and did my own tv yelling in my time. But House is in a league of its own. I love that show.

tyler_mcdolan 10

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:34

Maybe you guys could bond over medical inaccuracies in tv?

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:35

Should have taken it in as artistic licence. As a criminal justice student I know that cop shows are mostly bullshit, but they're still fun to watch.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:36

DocBastard has kids, eh?

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:58

They sure grew up fast!

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 2:48

Fucking "House". I can't watch that goddamned show. Doctors don't do their own pathology, give medicines, start IVs, take X-rays, do angiograms, or run the MRI. [email protected]!% &*#%* £[email protected] "#+*!

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 3:31

When I first heard of it I thought it was about a house. Was disappointed with the actual show.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 4:58

I love you DocBastard!!

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 8:51

Funny thing #6 Doc (as revealed on his blog) actually does have kids. Not old enough to be on FML but they do exist.

VeganVampyre 26

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 17:32

51- it is about a House. Technically. Just sayin'

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:28

House is mildly entertaining but they kinda fuck up a lot when I watched it with my pharmacist husband he kept shouting the way you actually pronounce the drug names. I stopped watching the show because of the silly soap opera drama and how repetitive it was, my husband shouting actually made it worth watching haha.

tyler_mcdolan 10

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:36

Then show him Big Bang theory

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 7:31

I do catch the drift you were implying, but theoretical physics is all based on theory, hence the comedic approach. not quite the same as house trying to reproduce actual medical procedures and diagnosis used by physicians.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:37

Maybe let him have a say in the next tv show?

EmpireCityRay 13

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:39

He'd probably pick some boring PBS show, haha.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 9:44

The man is a surgeon, a highly educated and precise field of work with an adequate need for perfection, how does a pbs broadcasting joke fall into play?

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:38

I cant blame your dad, im technically inclined and i facepalm every time i see hollywood attempt to act like they know how computers work

worldclassrager 39

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:39

Well you could see how long it takes him to solve a case like one that House faces...if he can do it quickly then he'll be a supreme genius...

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:41

Because im sure figuring out what illness someone has is JUST like it is on tv

RabbitOfAurora 28

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 1:30

Because a trained surgeon is the exact same thing as someone trained and skilled at diagnosing.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 1:40

a diagnostician isn't even a real thing

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 9:47

yes, because house MD is a true portray of real life incidents occurring in every single medical treatment center.

permaband_usr 14

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Monday 6 January 2014 19:03

#91, so.. you are saying it's *not* lupus??

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:41

Better than him, as a surgeon, thinking everything is accurate.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:41

Watch Gravity Falls with him, I assure you the both of you will love it best American animation show out in the last decade probably.