Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML
Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie, my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely look like the Antichrist, and I'm a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
Today, I was watching The Ring on TV in the early morning. When the scene where the girl is crawling out of the TV came on, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML
Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
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Top comments
aeshleyrose 6
I see years of therapy in your future.
every1luvsboners 11
Tell him in that 15 minutes you were sodomized, forced to smoke crack, shoot up heroin, give a homeless guy a BJ, did 15 jumping jacks, got a pedicure and you're pregnant with the liquor store clerks baby.
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Comments (99)
GoW_Chick 15
If you're willing to here's a good revenge tactic, at a stop light, let it get really quiet in the car, then right when he is least expecting it scream, tell him you were just feeling the aftershocks of the experience he put you through.
mrssuarez2011 12
I genuinely laughed at the thought of this
rulingtomax 0
FYL indeed
slyace 9
Just another Sunday drive huh? FYL
Fmlsea 28
Wow father of the year there
Pelreskovich 11
You actually got out of the car..? Really?
Furrywhiplash 14
I wonder what OP's mother thinks about what her husband did (assuming they married and still together). Hopefully she punished him accordingly, and by that I mean no sex and forcing him to sleep on the couch.
brendokendo 0
Not gonna lie. I'd probably do that to my kid. Not for 15 mins though. Maybe 5.
zombiegold 23
Prick.
Llamacod 11
Anyone else think op's dad went to a drug deal and had to ditch op for a while
effedml 5
YES! That movie doesn't have anything to do with a rough neighborhood. Dad is a f*cking junkie.
bienlunee 6
Your dad is a sadist and an asshole.
stlim93 5
What a nice father lol...