Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML
Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie, my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely look like the Antichrist, and I'm a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
Today, I was watching The Ring on TV in the early morning. When the scene where the girl is crawling out of the TV came on, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML
Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
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Top comments
aeshleyrose 6
I see years of therapy in your future.
every1luvsboners 11
Tell him in that 15 minutes you were sodomized, forced to smoke crack, shoot up heroin, give a homeless guy a BJ, did 15 jumping jacks, got a pedicure and you're pregnant with the liquor store clerks baby.
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Comments (99)
HSOMGF 5
Your dad is a huge **** for doing that.
perdix 31
Are you named Damien? Maybe you suddenly scared the shit out of him.
elliewantscake 8
Haha that was my ex's name and he scared the shit out of me...
silentbutfunny 0
You should serve him pancakes with a huge grin.
every1luvsboners 11
Tell him in that 15 minutes you were sodomized, forced to smoke crack, shoot up heroin, give a homeless guy a BJ, did 15 jumping jacks, got a pedicure and you're pregnant with the liquor store clerks baby.
silentbutfunny 0
Well, you beat my comment :/
The_Tool1 13
That happened to me once, but then I woke up
MrSassypants 34
... being pregnant, high as shit, and with nice nails too. You had no period at the end so I thought I would finish the sentence for you. No need to thank me.
Ins_Knie 2
Of course you don't have a period when pregnant. lol
silentbutfunny 0
*facepalm*
julz0125 5
Look again dummy there's a period there
humorizer 14
^ Dear dummy, try using reading comprehension. She wasn't talking about the post that you're looking at.
Maxgolub 13
Lol, OP's father would die xD
Victoria16_fml 0
Your dads a dick.
THE_A_TEEN 28
You just stepped into WEST SIIIDE, ESE! Where you from, vato?!?
LookOnBrightSide 12
21-Apparently, OP's from New York. What park of New York, I have no idea. I did enjoy reading your comment in a Mexican accent.
bubo_fml 11
I almost lost my fudge when I saw the originals, Omen I & 2, back to back, when I was 9 yrs old!
123ilovejustinb 12
You stayed in the same spot for 15 minutes?
THE_A_TEEN 28
..or a congressman/-woman who would come up with bullshit equal or greater than SOPA/Protect IP.
Ins_Knie 2
How would dad otherwise know where to pick her up?
MrSassypants 34
*Thinks critically* YES IT DIED!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Critical thinking was bloody murdered in a gory fashion by street gangs and idiots in their attempt to dominate the world.
Ins_Knie 2
32/36 - first of all the original comment 24 was a question, not a made up detail. Secondly, driving far away increases the chances of not finding her IF she walks. Thirdly, if he follows and she walks, she'd probably spot him earlier. Therefore she probably stayed put and dad just went around the block and parked. YOU tell ME about critical thinking?
Ins_Knie 2
Your insults certainly make good arguments. Hmmm, so the car is silent. I'm sure she doesn't look whether she's being stalked at walking speed... Any survival guide recommends staying put if you depend on being rescued.
benderbot19 0
Survival guide in the wilderness... Not the ******* ghetto.
WCARlover 35
That's horribly cruel...
sicnesses 6
Haha that's kinda mean.. But reeeally funny!!!