Kids: Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman...

By Confused - 23/03/2012 15:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 052

You deserved it 5 404

Kids

The smell detective is on the case

Tough choice

Generational trauma

All in a day's work!

By Joshtodon - 21/08/2018 22:00

Today, I was unloading tile boxes out of my pickup truck into this lady's garage. As I grabbed the last 50-pound box, a passing bird shat on my forehead. Green ooze ran down my whole face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 748

You deserved it 159

Low effort

By kya - 29/01/2021 03:31

Today, my mother, who works in retail, wears her mask around my dad and my siblings, but deliberately takes it off around me. I always knew she hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 85

By bev_rogan - 21/06/2015 10:16 - United States - New Castle

Today, I took a nap. My boyfriend took this opportunity to go over to his "beautiful" and "amazing" ex-girlfriend's house to help her clean out her pool. I told him I didn't think that was appropriate. He told me I don't value relationships and didn't come home tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 970

You deserved it 2 611

By UngratefulBrat - 28/12/2012 07:03 - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 585

You deserved it 6 829

By mafille - 19/03/2015 03:22 - France

Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 251

You deserved it 5 464

By ulring - 12/02/2012 00:53 - United States

Today, I walked all the way across campus to eat the first meal I've had all day. After waiting for my food in a congested line for 30 minutes, I got to the register to pay. Turns out my wallet was a twenty minute walk away, back in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 367

You deserved it 7 481

By whoreticulturalist - 27/10/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 15 474

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 14:01

Today, Thanksgiving Day and I have no family to spend with, all my friends are busy or out of town, and the only person actively talking to me is a random guy on Bumble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 129

By ilivehere - 17/07/2013 14:20 - United States - Moline

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 470

You deserved it 4 384

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 191

You deserved it 9 300

By backseatbusted - 21/05/2013 16:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 704

You deserved it 12 960

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 22:29 - Canada

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 984

You deserved it 49 406

By gullible - 21/02/2010 02:38 - United States

Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with 8 guys. Just now, after taking 3 trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 899

You deserved it 8 554

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, after almost a week of my cursor randomly freezing, I'd had enough and was about ready to go out and get a new computer mouse. It wasn't until just now that I realized nothing was wrong with my mouse. It was running on fumes because I forgot to replace the battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 919

By PeanutlyDisabled - 08/01/2010 07:23 - France

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 162

You deserved it 3 256

By BetterThanChocolate - 20/04/2014 23:24 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 101

You deserved it 5 583

Empathy

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 17:00

Today, at a funeral, I'd told my autistic son it would be over at 11:30. By 11:33 he was loudly complaining the funeral should be over, and could we leave because he was bored. I had to drag him out, still loudly complaining about the time, while 50 relatives glared absolute daggers at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 300

By shea234 - 20/02/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 874

You deserved it 8 657

Love bites

By LoveLifeFail - 11/04/2021 14:01 - Canada

Today, the man I love showed me the ring he's going to give to the woman that he loves. Who is someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 151

By Thepunchline - 11/08/2010 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 143

You deserved it 4 202

Stuck

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, while on my way to deliver aluminum to a customer on top of a really steep hill, there wasn't enough room to do a U-turn without clipping a vehicle. I had to go through some mud, so now the company semi is bumper-deep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 254

You deserved it 4 041

By melly - 14/12/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boss went out for a few hours. My coworkers saw this as an opportunity to take a 2 hour lunch without getting caught. I stayed at the office to answer the phone, while streaming videos which is a big no no. My boss came back early and caught me, they're all still taking lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 444

You deserved it 10 653

Bitch move

By Ineedtoshutup - 19/08/2021 16:01

Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 2 003

Happy Birthday!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 05:00

Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 192

By 41k312 - 01/11/2016 05:03

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 701

You deserved it 3 574

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 09:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 170

All I have to is dream dream dream

By Anonymous - 28/10/2020 18:02 - United States - Randolph

Today, I dreamt I wet my pants in front of everyone. It wasn’t a dream. A toddler laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 208

By awskme - 09/01/2010 00:36 - France

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 640

You deserved it 28 310

By O.o - 20/02/2011 08:15 - Australia

Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 429

You deserved it 45 648

By Anonymous - 18/09/2018 22:10

Today, my fancy rubber phone case did its job and saved my phone from damage when I dropped it on the bathroom counter. Unfortunately, it was rather useless after the massive bounce it took before landing in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 497

You deserved it 336

Making plans

By nowsingle - 03/07/2010 04:04 - Canada

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 839

You deserved it 5 778

By anonymous - 24/04/2013 04:55 - Germany

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 552

You deserved it 3 618

By WhyThankYou - 26/07/2013 05:31 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 128

You deserved it 16 104

By Krit - 10/02/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 875

You deserved it 2 586

By Blah - 24/01/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 152

You deserved it 9 133

By chassezlenaturel - 24/03/2015 12:58 - Belgium

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 934

You deserved it 5 558

By badtiming - 15/09/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 009

You deserved it 3 280

Paparazzi

By iStoleTheBrownie - 25/08/2017 01:32

Today, my friend asked me to send her a picture of my crush. I've never talked to him so I had to take the picture without him knowing. My flash was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 3 887

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 193

You deserved it 4 806

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Flyersfan54 4

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:51

I hate hypocrites.

fernclogger 5

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:52

Talk about a hypocrite

Flyersfan54 4

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:51

I hate hypocrites.

skullcandifiedDJ 5

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:02

I bet she said something on the lines of, "my smokes are healthier for my children then yours"...

KittySaysMoo 6

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:03

Or maybe "I'm on the verge of quitting..."

zach8771 3

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:04

You know what else I hate, hate the flyers

br0ccoli 14

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:12

"Jimmy I want you to do onto others as you would like things done onto to you. Be a good person. It's the righteous thing to do." 5 min later... "Listen fucker get that cigarette out of my kids faces! Don't make me stick my foot up your ass! *puffs cigarette*" Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Don't worry. Karma will get them back twice as hard.

jaflan 5

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:32

Whatta fuggin bitch

Flyersfan54 4

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 20:12

Just another butt-hurt penguins fan...

DocBasterdwanabe 4

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 20:45

If there's an ass to be grabbed, there's a bitch to be stabbed! speaking of which, "honey come here!"

starman02 12

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 21:46

What a nice old hag. Would love to meet her. Curious.. What did you say to her?

Big_Chives 7

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 22:28

They're both idiots for smoking

Rectumended 3

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 22:44

I'm starting to hate society

zombicidal 11

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 22:49

yes karma will give her lung cancer

babykillaseason 0

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 23:41

Yes, and i love crack.

babykillaseason 0

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 23:43

I hate you.

zach8771 3

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 23:45

What, how beast they are

linkinpark98 23

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 2:11

117 - That's what Whitney Houston said.

xalerion 0

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 6:33

Did no one ever stop to think it could've been one of those fake ones that "look and taste like a real cigarette, they even light up and produce smoke, without the release or ingestion of any harmful chemicals!" as the commercial would say

QueenZombie 5

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 8:40

154- those fake cigarettes do not look real. From a distance, maybe, but waving in someones face you could deffinately tell.

Matty1188 6

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 9:11

27 - unto, not onto

hutch66 13

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 17:41

I hate smokers.

Spirit88 4

Send a private message

Sunday 25 March 2012 7:51

Pretty sure I enjoy every comment you post. :)

owlfeatures 8

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:51

Bitchy people! That kinda does suck...

SortOfSexy 4

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 20:57

Smoking is bad, mmk?

kuges 0

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 6:31

That's right!!

konjaman 0

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 9:45

Isn't it obvious, she smokes filtered cigarettes...

OneNightStander 6

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 12:48

2 When I first read ur comment I thought it said "black people! That does kinda suck!" lol

owlfeatures 8

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 14:55

173 Hahahaha... Maybe not... ^^ just sayin'

luddearsenal 7

Send a private message

Sunday 25 March 2012 10:14

#173 what. the. fuck.

fernclogger 5

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:52

Talk about a hypocrite

tylersign 11

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:26

Well, if you're sure... I know this one person, who was the biggest hypocrite. He made himself exempt from any rules, but made everyone else follow them. He was a hypocrite. Was that good, or should I do more?

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:32

Please sir. May I have some more?

DKjazz 20

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 4:42

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAR?! (I was Beadle Bumble in High School)

eva4757 0

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 8:30

And that, children, is what we call: a hypocrit

jellitonoctopus 19

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 19:28

^ And that, children, is how we don't spell: hypocrite.

lilpowers 3

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:52

Jeez woman!

KiddNYC1O 20

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:52

Nice parenting...

sicksadworld1317 30

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:53

This is why you should consider carring a pocket dictionary: you'd have had something to wave in her face while telling her to look up the definitions of hypocrisy and tact :)

harrypotter955 19

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 23:31

You sir, have an amazing point.

Raccoo 10

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 0:56

Agreed!

perdix 29

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:55

Were you smoking crack?

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:11

9 By the sound of this FML the other lady probably was.

KiddNYC1O 20

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:11

LOL. "Crack is wack, crack is cheap." - Whitney Houston. RIP.

sappy0 5

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:12

Lol! That's what I was wondering! :P

KiddNYC1O 20

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:24

Lol I knew I would get thumbed down for that one, and counting...

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:41

36 it's because we are slandering their precious drug.

sqeakyclean 7

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:59

36 I gave you thumbs up to get you out of the hole. If it was any other crackhead- people wouldn't have cared, but because it's Whitney Houston, everyone's panties are in a bunch.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 20:11

36, I see you talked your way in going from negative to positive in the thumbs dept. So, why are they hatin' my original comment? I was merely putting forth a scenario where the tobacco-smoking mom could bawl out the OP without being a hypocrite.

KiddNYC1O 20

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 20:18

67- By that comment, seems like my tactic is growing on you. Haha. 62- Thanks.

kuges 0

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 6:33

Probably was... Stupid!!! Wait to b an example 4 kids!!! Ass wipe!!!

EmreArslan 11

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:55

I almost pressed YDI but when I saw that she was smoking aswell. I got mad at her. Hate people like that.

Takuya272727 16

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:56

Same here.

Suba_fml 8

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 18:55

Dangers of smoking people

reapy 14

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:24

I always try not to smoke people, it's really bad for their health.

StonerkidDGK420 0

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:33

Hold up # 34 you smoke people?

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:34

Example #32787531 as to why grammar is important.

KiddNYC1O 20

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:42

45- Was that sarcasm or does your username explain your comment?

sqeakyclean 7

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 19:54

I smoke people! It's a lot of money for a pack of people, but I can't quit.

cosmosis 12

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 21:46

11 likes to smoke the blue veins. ....

False_Stupidity 41

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 22:50

I smoke people, I work at a crematorium...

missalkali 8

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 22:55

^fYl bro!! why would u work there?!

zack11742 7

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 23:12

Because he likes money who are you to judge

Vanilla1Thrilla 0

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 0:47

Grammar is the difference between "helping your uncle jack off a horse," and "helping your Uncle Jack, off a horse." Your grammar tells me that you help your uncle jack off a horse.

welandedonthemoo 5

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 1:10

Smokes poles

RedmontFief 7

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 1:18

Hear hear!

xXshadowrollerXx 6

Send a private message

Saturday 24 March 2012 1:24

126 - I find it strange that you are teaching grammar, yet you're making numerous mistakes yourself. "Helping your Uncle Jack, off a horse" is incorrect because there's no need for a comma in that phrase. All you need to do is capitalize Uncle Jack to signify who the subject is. You're welcome.