Miscellaneous: Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find...

By Anonymous - 18/12/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 029

You deserved it 4 816

Miscellaneous

Own it

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Death wish

By Anonymous - 07/05/2015 15:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 625

You deserved it 7 159

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 232

You deserved it 20 258

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 235

You deserved it 2 860

By skc - 14/03/2009 11:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 329

You deserved it 64 987

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 22:27 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 623

You deserved it 8 675

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 442

You deserved it 12 127

Classy.

By Alexis - 15/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 997

You deserved it 640

By matou - 09/07/2015 20:41 - France - Caluire

Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 354

You deserved it 3 652

By frigid - 12/10/2011 01:05

Today, I found out my landlord is too cheap to turn up the hot water tank enough to have a comfortable shower. There's a huge padlock on the door, she won't budge, and I'm signed in until December. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 917

You deserved it 2 322

By bakergirl - 16/11/2009 10:40 - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 956

You deserved it 3 968

By Leota - 15/08/2011 16:20 - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 129

You deserved it 13 006

Distant love

By jadalaheart - 28/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 181

By Crog - 11/02/2009 11:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 794

You deserved it 31 773

By Username - 11/08/2011 04:53 - United States

Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 922

You deserved it 15 214

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 274 893

You deserved it 88 051

By kbartlett86 - 24/06/2010 20:02 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 439

You deserved it 4 603

By Late marriage - 24/08/2017 14:00 - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 953

You deserved it 948

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 10:07 - United States

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 314

You deserved it 17 187

By kaitlyna15 - 01/08/2012 01:54 - United States - Bellevue

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 1 788

By DocDog - 24/03/2017 02:00

Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will because I refused to believe that dogs can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 629

You deserved it 478

Badass

By zzz - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the badass Spider-Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 925

You deserved it 4 367

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 16:42 - United States

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 105

You deserved it 12 375

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 13:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I missed out on the chance of buying a great used car because my loan wasn't approved. Why wasn't it approved? Because the vehicle has +100k miles on it. I wish they would've told me that when I applied for the loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 315

By Anonymous - 08/12/2014 23:11 - United States - Falls Church

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 281

You deserved it 4 299

Catboys rise up

By CatWoman - 11/02/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 851

You deserved it 39 110

By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 12:53 - United States

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 057

You deserved it 12 113

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 989

You deserved it 401

Don't be an asshole

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 00:30

Today, the only person I know that ever traveled with me told me he doesn't enjoy the experience and thinks I'm an asshole, so I don't have a travel buddy any more. Every affordable trip requires two people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 023

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 236

By jimmy - 19/08/2011 21:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 031

You deserved it 4 512

By Anonymous - 04/10/2009 13:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I found a letter in the postbox at my new flat which ran something along these lines of: "Hi. We're the gas company. You owe us £1,229.79 and have 7 days to pay us. Lotsa love, dated 7th September." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 753

You deserved it 3 892

In the zone

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 20:05

Today, I was flirting with a girl I like when she confessed she was into another guy. I then proceeded to wingman for that guy, telling her to take her shot with him before the chance went away. Effectively sticking myself into the friendzone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 1 577

By Anonymous - 27/06/2011 13:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 956

You deserved it 8 101

By Lilo4life - 06/08/2015 15:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 354

You deserved it 2 785

By Rochelle - 25/07/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself seductively eating an apple. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 079

You deserved it 29 181

By Mom - 25/07/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 808

You deserved it 26 169

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 737

You deserved it 3 399

By Tom - 25/11/2010 13:28

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 103

You deserved it 2 566

So shite

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 18:00

Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 327

By Morgan - 03/02/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him, "About a dollar?" He said, "Wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 419

You deserved it 3 043

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Twunt 14

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:43

Hopefully you live in a hot dog bun.

Fop 6

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:36

What an extremely childish sister. Your parents need to teach her to handle things in a mature manner.

Fop 6

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:36

What an extremely childish sister. Your parents need to teach her to handle things in a mature manner.

Japemead 0

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Saturday 19 December 2009 0:51

Cover everything in her room with mustard.

No_Heart 0

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Saturday 19 December 2009 1:44

Maybe she is trying to tell her something, maybe she wants her to eat her room.

persephone13 0

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Saturday 19 December 2009 15:43

I was just gonna say that! Do it! Grey poupon style....CLASSY. :)

futtgoredo 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 3:54

I hate ketchup.

RoryStorm239 0

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Monday 29 March 2010 6:37

^^^ ahaha wtf

CaptinFalconKnig 6

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 7:36

well you should cover your sister's room in "mayonnaise" and say take that bitch or a note on her door saying that in "mayonnaise" lol

Aim4thebullseye 4

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Friday 24 June 2011 21:02

or cover her room with super glue, thats going to have a fun effect

lifesfailure 4

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:38

FIRST!!!!! HAHA, sucks for you, but you have to hand it to your sister for being creative. but little siblings are bitches when you piss them off.

Fop 6

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:41

I absolutely love how you scream FIRST!!!! number two!

nKiev 0

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Monday 21 February 2011 19:11

I feel bad for laughing as well

BB14_fml 0

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 23:08

Dumbass!

liinkinparkfan97 34

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Wednesday 14 December 2016 5:26

You're not FIRST! And that's not creative in any way. It's extremely childish.

lissn 0

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:39

Well, I laughed.

doritoninja 4

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Thursday 21 October 2010 4:49

That'll really.....*puts on sunglasses*.......spice things up YYEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

talim_fml 3

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:41

aw, you thought you were first.

fafa123_fml 0

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:41

why ketchup? btw u shouldnt complain about it, just get her back :)

rikard_fml 0

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Thursday 17 June 2010 18:38

I say get like 10 friends and cum all over her room, and you will have a great time doing it to!

Twunt 14

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:43

Hopefully you live in a hot dog bun.

bidonkable 0

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:44

ah ketchup? ill get you some friess...

twofirstnames 12

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Wednesday 5 October 2011 4:26

Then she can clean up while enjoying a yummy snack :3

thinmint 0

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:44

LOL you're a weiner!

AGGoddess 2

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:47

I say that if she doesn't clean up the mess she made, you do the same thing back to her.

DreMaMa 0

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Friday 18 December 2009 23:49

I heard the brown family lives next door

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 16

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 1 085

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 1 237

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