Today, I got into my driving instructors car for my first lesson....

By wow. - 6/5/2009 20:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my driving instructors car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

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Transportation

Family values

Everyone's an expert

Fairytale ending

By Mia - 12/12/2018 17:00 - India - Mumbai

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

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By lils - 5/8/2012 17:45 - United States

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2011 23:02 - Canada

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2012 23:07 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

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By hotandbothered - 3/2/2010 06:24 - United States

Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

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By bumpyroad - 17/4/2011 14:29 - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

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By Sam - 4/3/2010 15:51 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn't, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

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By NCanalyst - 11/11/2009 20:28 - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2009 11:00 - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

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By woodre - 2/9/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I was emptying a bag of grass from my lawn mower when I saw pieces of what used to be a 50 dollar bill. FML

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By jasmine - 10/6/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

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By Insomniac - 2/2/2012 07:07 - United States

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

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By Slowsky - 9/5/2012 10:19 - United States - Claremont

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

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By misTreated - 30/5/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

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By hatemyjob - 15/12/2015 00:15 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, after working at the same place for 3 years, I found out that they are not only cutting my hours but now I have to take orders from some girl I trained because she was promoted over me. FML

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By I'm a joke? - 30/5/2013 05:37

Today, I found out that me having a boyfriend is an on-going family joke. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2013 12:38

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

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By fuck my arse - 8/8/2013 22:15 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

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By Skittles - 13/8/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

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By Blueberrypicc - 13/8/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

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By Lifetime Presents: - 6/7/2016 11:50 - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married. His "crazy ex-wife" is not all that crazy, and is still his wife. FML

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By Trapped. - 6/11/2013 02:53 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I had planned to break up with my overbearing girlfriend. She went into complete denial mode, bought me a pair of oversized sunglasses and tomorrow we're going ice-skating. Kill me now. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2013 05:07 - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

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By ProudMama - 8/1/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

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By FortuneFaded - 6/5/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

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By ohgod - 14/8/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

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By JellicleCat - 24/4/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

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By anonymous - 21/1/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

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By smart phone mms - 7/12/2009 06:36 - United States

Today, I got a new smart phone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

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By shades - 9/1/2012 03:43 - United Kingdom

Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML

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By shoes - 2/1/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

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By Jan - 18/10/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

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By hanzastfu - 26/10/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2010 19:41 - United States

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

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By Badchristian - 5/4/2012 04:17 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

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By teejayrn - 17/12/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time. His response was to smile and pat me on the head. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 21:10

The Good Grandson

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 16:00

Today, I got told that I have a dainty sneeze. It was the closest thing I've had to a compliment I've had in months. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2013 07:32 - United States - Sparks

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

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Top comments

By shimmyya88 | 0

#175662 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:31

I don't get it. He "saw" your disability? Are you deformed or something?

By ArtsySwag | 0

#175695 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:37

She's saying that he's implying she resembles disabled people (not sure which disability though)... Some physical characteristic she has made him assume that. It's not rocket science.

But wow, what an asshole. I guess this is what happens when people assume stuff smh.

Comments

By shimmyya88 | 0

#175662 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:31

I don't get it. He "saw" your disability? Are you deformed or something?

gasbreakdipdip | 0

#1030622 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 6:49

lol

FriesWithASideOf | 0

#1050596 - Wednesday 30 June 2010 21:22

#1 Made me lol so hard.

duke_nukem_25299 | 0

#1068400 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 21:24

i disagree with 104

carnage1106 | 0

#1611987 - Wednesday 27 October 2010 19:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

DeadxManxWalking | 27

#2704522 - Friday 17 June 2011 23:49

yes....

rocketpopper1030 | 11

#4629594 - Friday 29 June 2012 9:51

Well. He's an asshole.

By elastisch | 0

#175664 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:32

Hoshit. You need to get that ass fired.

adamcole20 | 0

#2310379 - Thursday 7 April 2011 23:12

u scare me

robotiick | 12

#2412416 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 0:15

me likey lol

By b00mc1ap | 0

#175669 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:32

yea how did he see a disability if you aren't disabled?

By bassfromhell | 0

#175678 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:34

damn thats screwed up!! i cant believe he said that without knowing if u were disabled. If you'd have said you were disabled, would the test be any easier?

By ManganeseDream | 0

#175694 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:36

needs more info or ydi

By ArtsySwag | 0

#175695 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:37

tiger_master | 0

#990713 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 4:42

there are some physical charistics for mental illensses like downs syndrome maybe that's what he ment???????

By Kamazar | 0

#175696 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:36

... this makes no sense at all. Is being fat a disability? Cuz it's all I can think off.

By jingojango | 0

#175716 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:40

He must have seen your red hair...It's okay tho, just an honest mistake. Gingervitis is a genetic disorder that afflicts many citizens and their young...please, think of the children

Tristyxxx | 24

#2949518 - Friday 22 July 2011 8:21

so racist, I loved it

By jadeddream | 0

#175732 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:43

err, what? I don't get it.

Maybe he was just asking because these things are important to know before someone drives a car.

By SoFreakinNaive | 0

#175736 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:44

ouch.