Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML
Today, while getting gas, a hottie pulled-up to the pump next to me. I finished filling my tank and started to drive away. As I was checking her out and paying no attention to my driving, I ended up taking the front bumper off her car with my truck. FML
Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML
Today, I was pumping gas at a gas station. An attractive woman walked by and the guy pumping gas behind me did a whistle/catcall to her. She then looked at me and gave me a disgusted look. I didn't even try to hit on a girl, and still got rejected. FML
Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML
Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML
Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML
Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML
Today, when paying for gas, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet back home. After a moment of panic, I managed to remember my card number. I paid, blowing the cute cashier's mind, and drove away, before my car started sputtering and slowed to a crawl. I'd used the wrong fuel. FML
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Top comments
deja54 0
" I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady..." Oh I bet you did.
epicfail13337 4
HAHAHAHAHAHA She wishes that petrol was your...you know.
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Comments (138)
Scotticus117 11
how the hell are you first but #18 at the same time? and this has to be the funniest and most sexuall suggestive fml i have ever read, are you sure it was gas that you squirted her with? lol jk. it isn't really a f my life kinda moment though, it only got through moderation because it's so funny.
AliciaS_fml 0
this is lame and fake no doubt. pumps shut off automatically nowadays when your gas tank is full to avoid 'overfilling.' i think you made this up.
p00p0ster0us 0
You made this up. Even if the nozzle was broken and thus allowed the tank to overfill, you wouldn't keep gripping it as you pulled it out. Fake FML? Jeepers that's lame. Your life really IS f***ed.
looking_glass 0
you wouldn't keep gripping it as you pulled it out. : thats what she said. SORRY! I HAD TO TAKE IT! Lol
threefourteen 0
what's with all the horny old lady FMLs lately? & if this is fake... why do you fantasize about squirting old women?
Sturmeh 0
BAD PUN!
stray94 0
old people creep me out at work too! lmao... *shutters* i like to think that old people don't do shit like that
redheadfreak929 0
I know everyone has talked about the auto-shut off pump. I just have to say gas pumps have a obtuse angle to the nosel so you can be holding the handle while it is pumping gas into the car, which means when he pulled out the gas pump he would have been holding it in a very strange angle to hit the old lady unless she is like 2 inches away from u man because they r not high pressured. P.S. i know u could say a lot of sexual things about what i said lol.
Lucky444 0
Yea-No...No Way, didn't happen....
fml05 0
yeah like what's up with all these stories about "perverted old ladies"
8ranko 0
scary!! ._.
freedom4tibet 0
fake