Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/4/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures of a little girl, I kept telling the girl to stop making silly faces when she smiles because her eyes go cross-eyed. After the third time I said it her mom grabbed the little girl and left. Turns out, she was naturally cross-eyed. FML

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Rock, hard place

All in the family

Hello everyone!

By kukadaman - 15/3/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

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By Xanadu - 16/4/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

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By fishruinsex - 8/12/2010 08:46

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

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By newcomer - 12/4/2017 05:00 - Canada - Kingston

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

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By Teste - 15/7/2015 10:25 - Spain

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

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By slightlyworried - 5/4/2013 05:28 - United States - Parker

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

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By AkaiKitsune - 17/6/2017 14:00

Today, a customer passed out in the bathroom, so we didn't realize he was there until after closing. I don't know what he'd shot up, but whatever it was told him he should run around naked. It's been two hours and the cops still haven't shown up. I can't leave until he does. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

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By Tonguetied0496 - 10/12/2012 07:21 - United States - Claremont

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 08:31

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

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By skygardens - 21/8/2018 15:00

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

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By emselin - 18/9/2012 20:07 - Denmark - Niv

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2014 19:36 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML

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By captainuniverse - 14/5/2016 05:53 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

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By anonymous - 5/9/2012 16:25 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

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By popasquat - 4/12/2018 12:00

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

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By Anon - 12/1/2012 19:24 - United States

Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

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By neilmalik - 21/10/2015 11:18 - United States - Murrieta

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2012 10:35 - Philippines

Today, I learned that shaving while feeling upset is a very bad idea. FML

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By UsuallyaUnicornbread - 26/11/2014 21:01 - United States - Morrisville

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2011 13:05 - United States

Today, while having a screaming argument with my son in our front yard, I suddenly realized we are "that white trash family" in the neighborhood. FML

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By BloodyNoseMcgee - 11/10/2018 15:30

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

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By crazyt446 - 11/7/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

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By IvyBlackeyes - 29/8/2018 01:30

Today, I sprained my ankle at dance class. No, I was not dancing when I did it. I was trying to step off on a small mat so I could go home. FML

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By espylone - 17/12/2011 15:42 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

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By jonloran - 14/8/2015 09:08 - United States - Incline Village

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

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By Quortney - 22/7/2015 04:20 - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

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By blck - 1/1/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

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By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

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By sunil - 13/6/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2011 06:20 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

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By fmylifegirl - 29/12/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriends and I got a caricature painting while on a trip in the city. Unfortunately for me, the part of my appearance that the artist decided to exaggerate was my acne. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to get blood drawn. Apparently, my veins are too thin and no blood would flow into the tube. I'm afraid of needles, and was just poked with some unsuccessfully, and I have to go back next week to try again. FML

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By lprocter1982 - 8/11/2011 03:17 - Canada

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2012 10:02 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I decided to delete my Facebook account. My older sister repeatedly called me in tears asking why I'm cutting her out of my life. It seems I can't get rid of social media without my family taking offence. FML

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By healthfreak - 7/9/2014 01:57 - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

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By "Audrey Harmon" - 20/4/2017 16:00

Today, my sister tackled me by the leg in a game of frisbee. I now know the unique sensation of a knee dislocating. It is not a beautiful one. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2012 03:05 - United States

Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML

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Top comments

By uj_fml | 4

#91105 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:54

The mom could've explained..

By louisianagrrrrl | 0

#91109 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:54

well its not really your fault, the mom didnt tell you, who isnt gonna naturally assume that a little kid is making faces when they cross their eyes?

Comments

By uj_fml | 4

#91105 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:54

The mom could've explained..

Reply

TheLefty | 1

#3907656 - Thursday 19 January 2012 6:42

Seriously, how the hell were you supposed to know??

Reply

hannah341 | 10

#5765908 - Sunday 24 November 2013 0:14

I agree if you were not informed by her mother how should you know it was natural. Unless she took of glasses which are usually given to those who suffer this (ie my grandpa), FYL

By louisianagrrrrl | 0

#91109 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:54

well its not really your fault, the mom didnt tell you, who isnt gonna naturally assume that a little kid is making faces when they cross their eyes?

By trevor51590 | 0

#91116 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:56

I dont see that as an FML...more like fuck that mom.

Reply

gummybear1234 | 0

#2006655 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 13:48

-like-

Reply

roobin302 | 0

#3256838 - Thursday 8 September 2011 10:52

agree!

By Chaith | 16

#91119 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:57

I was expecting this FML to take a different direction after the first 20 words.

Reply

iampunk | 0

#1634563 - Monday 1 November 2010 4:31

lmao. me too.

By jake_fml | 0

#91120 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:57

fifth!

By ilovewine | 0

#91157 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:05

why say it three times... i would have only said it once or twice and then go on with the photos.

By sweetiepie6090 | 0

#91160 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:06

awkwardddd

By ddrluna | 2

#91162 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:07

That seems like kind of a bitchy thing of her to do. The least she could have done was explained to you after the first time you said it.

By moosey1234 | 0

#91163 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:07

ouch why didn't they tell u??? thts weird. . .feel bad for the kid...

By Ellery_fml | 0

#91165 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:08

The mom should have explained.

Reply

xixifwadi | 0

#3341373 - Sunday 25 September 2011 1:35

How many times do you think the mom has to explain that something is wrong about her child? After a while it starts to get to you. Imagine the moms pain and the kids. It sucks to be noticabley different when you arnt even trying.

Reply

Peachy2392 | 26

#5910975 - Friday 11 April 2014 1:06

I get your point, however, in a situation like this it would have been beneficial if the mom had said something. She could have called ahead so it wouldn't embarrass her daughter or spoken privately to the photographer that day. I don't think the mother handled this situation very well.