Kids: Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures of a little girl, I kept telling the girl to stop making silly faces when she smiles because her eyes go cross-eyed. After the third time I said it her mom grabbed the little girl and left. Turns out, she was naturally cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23503

You deserved it

58097

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Taking stock

*Friends theme music plays*

By dulllife - United States

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25450

You deserved it

4588

Tweet

Share

By paytonallyce - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a bug bite on my boob. I scratched it so much it started bleeding so I put a bandaid on it. Turns out the band-aid had latex in it and I got an allergic reaction to it. The bug bite is still bleeding and the top half of my boob is swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10783

You deserved it

1291

Tweet

Share

By ChevRooon - United States

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15115

You deserved it

38930

Tweet

Share

By tragic - United States - Bloomington

Today, I got dumped for the second time by the guy that I'd been seeing. He actually forgot that he'd already dumped me once this week and did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17391

You deserved it

1533

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was okay, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13559

You deserved it

7027

Tweet

Share

By clumsyandpoor - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39586

You deserved it

3857

Tweet

Share

By Kristat - United States

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28688

You deserved it

3368

Tweet

Share

By not gay in AL - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46282

You deserved it

5458

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30514

You deserved it

2109

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24876

You deserved it

1906

Tweet

Share

By NotABeatenWoman - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24108

You deserved it

2347

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 19:58 - Germany

The new economy

Today, I have so little faith in my future earning potential that I keep my clipped toe and fingernails as a nest egg. I heard that some weirdos on the internet actually pay money for those. FML

I agree, your life sucks

628

You deserved it

835

Tweet

Share

By shite - United Kingdom

Please love me

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44147

You deserved it

5752

Tweet

Share

By sdasdflkjas - United States

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65005

You deserved it

6339

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24085

You deserved it

4858

Tweet

Share

By Timmah - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51201

You deserved it

15747

Tweet

Share

By Pontiacman92 - United States - Pueblo

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38008

You deserved it

8965

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 13:58

Housemates from hell

Today, my housemate saw some stuff in the barn, thought I surely wouldn’t be using it, so he stacked lots of lawn furniture on top. The “stuff” in question? Bales of hay. As in, daily food for my horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

835

You deserved it

61

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29828

You deserved it

2903

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33862

You deserved it

58781

Tweet

Share

By sexandanxiety - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34527

You deserved it

4182

Tweet

Share

By avaiia - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14653

You deserved it

1578

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Tilehurst

Right in the snowglobes

Today, my sister kicked me in the balls just before I went into the bathroom, as she wanted to use the shower first. Later, when I came out of the bathroom, she kneed me this time in the same spot because apparently I always make a mess in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1105

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By williebees - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28437

You deserved it

2409

Tweet

Share

By hugedissapointment - United States

Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12889

You deserved it

63454

Tweet

Share

By Bliggins - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44872

You deserved it

2941

Tweet

Share

By Ashamed - United States - Somerville

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21336

You deserved it

10405

Tweet

Share

By Notwanted - 20/4/2021 17:00

Where d'you all go?

Today, I found out why the group chat I was in with my friends has been dead. Apparently, they made a group chat without me in it, so that they could make fun of me behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1089

You deserved it

71

Tweet

Share

By Confused - United States - Bath

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53510

You deserved it

3120

Tweet

Share

By James - Australia

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31419

You deserved it

2279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I was told by my teacher that she had 'given up' teaching me because someone had told her I have a mental illness, and that I don't understand what she says. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42417

You deserved it

3837

Tweet

Share

By Grad Student

Today, I found out that I have to take a weekly workshop outside of class time all semester, and it's only offered on the day I have the most work hours. I barely make ends meet as it is, but the professor said to figure it out or fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4773

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By whoslade - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28837

You deserved it

4569

Tweet

Share

By Former Drummer - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was diagnosed with migraines. Any loud sounds or bright lights make it worse. I'm the drummer for a heavy metal band, so I now have to choose between really bad migraines or a career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31048

You deserved it

4638

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69285

You deserved it

10008

Tweet

Share

By UnemployedGrad - United States

Today, I was offered a position as a school crossing guard. I have a $200,000 degree in Economics from a top 20 University and was offered a position to hold a stop sign and wear a reflective vest. I was tempted to accept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41050

You deserved it

7029

Tweet

Share

By sophistication - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43076

You deserved it

3214

Tweet

Share

By Katy

Today, I fell in a vent in our floor while decorating our Christmas tree. My husband removed the grates months ago to increase airflow. I fell in past my knee and he had to pull me out by the arms. It's been four days and I can still barely walk. My office is on a second floor... We don't have an elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2314

Phew, glad it wasn't me

279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 17:01

Masterchef 2020

Today, I invented a new fusion cuisine delicacy: cigarette-flavored apple sauce. The recipe? Cram so many apple pieces in a pot that they will burn on the bottom, even with plenty of water in it, then go away for 30 minutes and wonder what the bad smell is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

196

You deserved it

2093

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 23:00

Non-baby fever

Today, I found out that my fiancé, with whom I've been with for 10 years, doesn't want to have sex with me because he thinks I'm going to trap him into having a baby. He sees me take my contraceptive pill nightly and knows I was booked in for having a coil fitted before Covid-19 happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1752

You deserved it

251

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By uj_fml | 4

#91105 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:54

The mom could've explained..

By louisianagrrrrl | 0

#91109 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:54

well its not really your fault, the mom didnt tell you, who isnt gonna naturally assume that a little kid is making faces when they cross their eyes?

COMMENTS

By uj_fml | 4

#91105 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:54

The mom could've explained..

Reply

TheLefty | 1

#3907656 - Thursday 19 January 2012 6:42

Seriously, how the hell were you supposed to know??

Reply

hannah341 | 10

#5765908 - Sunday 24 November 2013 0:14

I agree if you were not informed by her mother how should you know it was natural. Unless she took of glasses which are usually given to those who suffer this (ie my grandpa), FYL

By louisianagrrrrl | 0

#91109 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:54

well its not really your fault, the mom didnt tell you, who isnt gonna naturally assume that a little kid is making faces when they cross their eyes?

By trevor51590 | 0

#91116 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:56

I dont see that as an FML...more like fuck that mom.

Reply

gummybear1234 | 0

#2006655 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 13:48

-like-

Reply

roobin302 | 0

#3256838 - Thursday 8 September 2011 10:52

agree!

By Chaith | 16

#91119 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:57

I was expecting this FML to take a different direction after the first 20 words.

Reply

iampunk | 0

#1634563 - Monday 1 November 2010 4:31

lmao. me too.

By jake_fml | 0

#91120 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 23:57

fifth!

By ilovewine | 0

#91157 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:05

why say it three times... i would have only said it once or twice and then go on with the photos.

By sweetiepie6090 | 0

#91160 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:06

awkwardddd

By ddrluna | 2

#91162 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:07

That seems like kind of a bitchy thing of her to do. The least she could have done was explained to you after the first time you said it.

By moosey1234 | 0

#91163 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:07

ouch why didn't they tell u??? thts weird. . .feel bad for the kid...

By Ellery_fml | 0

#91165 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:08

The mom should have explained.

Reply

xixifwadi | 0

#3341373 - Sunday 25 September 2011 1:35

How many times do you think the mom has to explain that something is wrong about her child? After a while it starts to get to you. Imagine the moms pain and the kids. It sucks to be noticabley different when you arnt even trying.

Reply

Peachy2392 | 26

#5910975 - Friday 11 April 2014 1:06

I get your point, however, in a situation like this it would have been beneficial if the mom had said something. She could have called ahead so it wouldn't embarrass her daughter or spoken privately to the photographer that day. I don't think the mother handled this situation very well.