Miscellaneous: Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been...

By wowsucks - 30/01/2010 09:40 - United States

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 776

You deserved it 4 107

Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Stop talking!

Mr Nice Guy

By Alice - 24/10/2012 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 217

You deserved it 3 561

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 15:14 - United States

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 394

You deserved it 4 507

By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 277

You deserved it 1 117

By Nucleus - 08/10/2015 13:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 193

You deserved it 3 435

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 06:04 - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 4 109

By Username - 25/10/2010 11:03 - France

Today, it was my first day as a mailman. One of the houses got a bunch of cards, and the owner coincidentally opened the door as I arrived. So I said to the owner that someone in the house must really be popular. He replied, "She died this Tuesday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 052

You deserved it 6 561

By Melaknee - 19/03/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 383

You deserved it 149 497

By Becca - 29/08/2019 04:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my mother-in-law "borrowed" my dog without asking, to show him off to her friends. My dog is my service animal, and I'm not comfortable leaving the house without him. I have to be at work in an hour, and she's not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175

You deserved it 409

Grief is weird

By Denni - 03/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister called me a selfish cow, all because I wouldn’t let her have a portion of my daughter’s life insurance check so she can go on a shopping spree. She’s more upset about that than her niece passing way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 45

By gypsy - 24/06/2011 02:00 - Australia

Today, I hired a cleaner to clean my apartment so when my in-laws visited tonight, they wouldn't think I was lazy. I got home from work, the cleaner hadn't shown at all, and my in-laws had arrived early. My mother-in-law is now mopping the floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 237

You deserved it 37 672

By Anonymous - 10/10/2010 09:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 892

You deserved it 27 126

By EMTGirl'sLife - 10/02/2015 03:15 - United States - Basking Ridge

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 497

You deserved it 2 813

By JackG - 03/03/2010 01:20 - United States

Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 944

You deserved it 3 026

By haunted - 23/10/2015 20:41 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 491

You deserved it 2 400

Fun fun fun

By BeautifulDisastre - 23/12/2009 10:24 - United States

Today, I drove the six hours to LA to attend my Uncle's birthday party. When I tried to get off at the exit, it took me two hours just to get onto the street where the club was. By the time I showed up, the party was already over, so I ended up going to a Denny's. I drove eight hours for a Denny's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 477

You deserved it 4 745

By voltronn - 23/01/2010 05:04 - France

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 944

You deserved it 6 940

By brie - 02/11/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 215

You deserved it 5 875

By Anonymous - 14/07/2014 23:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 758

You deserved it 3 837

By tittyboomboom - 24/03/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 872

You deserved it 2 032

By Toothless - 07/10/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 051

You deserved it 6 376

Serial killer vibes

By D Flower - 18/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 89

By onemoredonut - 03/05/2016 01:39 - United States - Herndon

Today, while directing traffic in uniform, I tripped over a traffic cone and fell straight on my butt in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 656

You deserved it 1 287

By Anonymous - 24/06/2013 18:39 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 763

You deserved it 5 009

By thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - 10/11/2015 20:46 - United States - Arlington

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 999

You deserved it 1 635

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 23:41 - France

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 734

You deserved it 2 818

Close shave

By Your cars extended warranty - 30/08/2021 06:01 - United States - Titusville

Today, I was texted by a number that their "date" had given them. I replied that they'd got the wrong number. She then sent me a picture of herself and started flirting. I was suspicious about this, so I ran her photo through Google image finder. Her "photo" is apparently used by scammers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 73

Good question

By Juliett - 29/08/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 271

By Peach - 05/12/2017 15:00

Today, my husband finally decided to help with the laundry. He washed a pen and it exploded in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 124

You deserved it 445

Missing the one

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had a dream where I was with my last girlfriend, from five years ago. Nothing dirty. Just leaning on each other, talking, and smiling. Woke up and felt like she was really here, and now I miss her as much as when she had to leave the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 100

Catflap time

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 17:01 - Germany

Today, our cat doesn’t care much whether she gets into my room or not. Except at about 3 a.m. each night. That’s the time she sits outside the door, meowing to be let in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 127

By Username - 20/07/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 269

You deserved it 8 488

By Anonymous - 10/10/2013 05:25 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 350

You deserved it 3 204

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 20:13 - United States

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 096

You deserved it 4 562

By 6boss - 03/11/2010 05:00 - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 4 691

By UGH! - 19/12/2016 18:21 - Canada

Today, I slid into a seat in a very busy foodcourt that was jam packed full of seniors at the mall. It was the only seat available, so I was quick to jump into it. It was soaked with urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 112

You deserved it 1 017

By Anonymous - 08/10/2016 13:20 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, a classmate found out I have a boyfriend. He said, "Really? YOU??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 870

You deserved it 1 813

By Anownimous - 18/09/2015 19:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 50-something coworker followed through on his threat to file a defamation lawsuit against me. All because I jokingly said "pedo" after he bragged to everyone that his girlfriend is a smoking hot 19-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 5 636

By FavreFan99 - 01/01/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 470

You deserved it 23 483

By chuchundra - 08/03/2014 20:06 - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 638

You deserved it 7 932

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 06:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 813

You deserved it 8 023

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Top comments

dacho 7

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:14

Don't underestimate the power of Mario! And you're obviously no Princess Peach.

SHAAAAAARK 1

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:12

N64 is obviously better than you.

BlueTwist89 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:09

Ok..tell him he can't use it.

theluckygirl28 8

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:16

lol @ third wheel refference

YeahFMLxX 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:10

just because he finds a N64 more exciting than getting into it with you, doesn't mean you have the right to shit talk Mario Kart.. Oh buy the third wheel reference was quite Punny.

jair_lhao 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 19:19

your bf has good taste in games lol my n64 broke :( hey let's go out so I can play with your brothers

Shystai 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:34

For all of the idiots who side with her boyfriend; your idiots. Her bf is using her. OP, dump him.

tiancai 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 22:06

Unless he has some shitty 10 year old computer, tell him to download a N64 emulator and games, and play them at home. Although, if he was only using you for the N64, he'll probably dump you after giving him this idea.

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 22:34

Pretty simple, OP.. You gotta end their friendship.. They shouldn't like eachother in the first place.. Tell your boyfriend to go into your bedroom to sex you up.. And your brother should start hating him..

summer16 2

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Saturday 30 January 2010 22:52

what does OP stand for?

boatkicker 4

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Saturday 30 January 2010 23:14

Original Poster

jpest17 5

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Sunday 31 January 2010 0:31

but dude, it's Mario kart!!!

gobbledegook 0

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Sunday 31 January 2010 6:34

n64 and not wii, ps3, or xbox?

Sooner_Or_Later 0

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Sunday 31 January 2010 10:00

hahah word!

actress5698 1

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Saturday 6 February 2010 5:05

how do you still haveva 64

icall_BS 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 7:45

Simple solution: Go topless. If that doesnt work.. maybe theres a reason why he plays with your brother and not you.

Goochimus 0

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Wednesday 7 April 2010 8:07

dude! your bro has a N64!?! wanna go out I mean you won't even have to drive I'll come to your place errday!

gomie 0

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Saturday 13 August 2011 3:32

Best console ever !

Tempsey 0

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Monday 5 September 2011 9:57

63 How does an N64 even break?!

jujujube 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:09

first :D wats your boy frenfs age

jessxoxo28 5

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:40

haha no ur not :D

packerboy1280 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:21

WHO cares. o ya u obviously do...fag

Goochimus 0

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Wednesday 7 April 2010 8:09

81 you suck haha you care obviously if your taking your sweet time to complain you liberal hahaha

Firetroop 0

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Wednesday 7 April 2010 8:29

Reminds me of that post, forgot where I heard it. "No one cares about online threats. Winning a fight online is like winning the Special Olympics. You won, but you're still a retard"

drumsetmaniac77 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:10

wow

Fr0gg13 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:11

can I say antique game console? F ur bros L

Towelie_31 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:21

lol thats what i was thinking, fuck this girls problem, your brothers still playing an N64

jesca212 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:43

those were the best ones! don't hate!

nurgletr0n 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:33

n64 is hands down the best console. it definately is better than most of the garbage that is out now.

nazooer 11

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:35

Game boy is the bestt..

afarr 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:35

Word

Zills 0

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Sunday 31 January 2010 6:50

you're my hero

Goochimus 0

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Wednesday 7 April 2010 8:11

SUPER SMASH BROS!!!!

ZleveL 0

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:59

vigilante 8!

gomie 0

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Saturday 13 August 2011 3:34

Best console ever !

srd3 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:11

4th lol well u cant hate on vvideo games

ginob 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 19:56

snicker

AVainAttempt 0

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Sunday 31 January 2010 20:42

fail :(

SHAAAAAARK 1

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:12

N64 is obviously better than you.

Vehicle 1

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:12

and he's your boyfriend....why??

dacho 7

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:14

Don't underestimate the power of Mario! And you're obviously no Princess Peach.

Emobuddy 4

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 2:26

Agreed!

Zitroaneleh 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:16

YDI for putting up with it. Dump the Zero and find your Hero.

youdidwhatnow 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:47

Guitar* hero.

TheLetterZero 7

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:04

That'd be even better!

perdix 29

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:17

Maybe if you played with his Wii a little more, you'd give him a different reason to come.

anela_fml 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:33

I agree give him more of a reason to stay

div01 2

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:31

^^^^ win.

ayamefan13 16

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:33

perdix, your comments are always awesome. XD

TheLetterZero 7

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:05

Oh look, a Wii joke that has been made thousands of times in the past. How original and funny! ...scratch that, pathetic and lame.

perdix 29

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:51

It seems like some people like it. Anyways, even if it is lame and pathetic as you say, it is still funnier than anything you have ever contributed. Your insults suck almost as bad as your comments. You may just want to hang up your keyboard and be merely a spectator.